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Success after IF
epphd
member
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
Baptism - anyone not doing it?
epphd
member
This subject is something that DH and I have discussed at length, and we are on the same page... but ready for resistance.
My MIL is Catholic (very devout - full mass a few times a week), and DH grew up in the Catholic church. I am atheist, and DH is agnostic, and we both know that the Catholic church holds a huge amount of opposition to IVF and donor gametes. Given all of this, we will certainly not be baptizing our child there, nor will we likely baptize at all.
My MIL is going to be crushed. We had the same problem when we got married - even a few days before the ceremony she asked if we couldn't find a church to get married in (we got married outside with a non-denominational pastor and did not mention God).
My view is that DH and I don't go to church and to baptize our child would be completely arbitrary and counter to the point of baptism anyway. Moreover, our child can make the decision to follow a religious doctrine when he or she wants to. It's not something that I feel is really up for discussion, but I suspect I'm going to get the advice of "just do it to appease her" and I just don't think I can.
If you chose not to baptize, did you get grief from family members and how did you handle it?
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baptism - anyone not doing it?
DH and I will not be baptising our daugther either. Neither of us attend church anymore and if we did it, it would be for the wrong reasons. Our family won't care at all and share similar viewpoints that we do. Frankly, it's the parents choice and everyone else will just need to respect your decision.
If our daughter decides later on that she is interested in religion and decides to join a church, I will support her decision to do so. DH and I both grew up with religion and have made the decision as adults to pull away from it. We never got any grief from our families over our choice to do so. Thank god!
Hopefully your family will be understanding too. If not, too bad...you get to call the shots on this!
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
We will not be baptising either for a lot of the same reasons you stated, and anticipate a lot of grief from both sides of the family.
We already get it now with the you need to thank god for you babies, you need to go to church, blah blah blah. We just keep saying, we thank money and science for the babies, and we don't like church. It doesn't go over well, so I can't wait to hear the baptism arguments.
As someone who did Baptise her DD, I think you are making the right decision.
To stand up before a group of people and promise to raise them in the church when you know you don't intend to would be an afront to the Sacrament.
I'm not KU yet, but DH and I have discussed this at length. I am from a VERY Catholic family and there is lots of pressure to baptize. I am atheist and DH is agnostic. We got married in the church to avoid issues with my mother, but we swore never again after the wedding.
Our kids will not be baptized and my family will have to deal with it. The end.
DS is not and will not be baptized by us. I am agnostic and DH is an atheist (for lack of better term) but we will support DS and any future kids in what ever religion they chose to follow if any. MIL wasn't happy about this but THANKFULLY DH told her and when she brings it up to me I just say "I could careless about baptising him, the one you have to convince is your son". Many poeple have told us to just do it to apease her, my thought on it is this: She got to raise her child the way she wanted and now we get to raise our child the way we want. I wouldn't throw my baby off a bridge to apease MIL and I won't baptise him to appease her either.
Good luck, this is one of those sticky issues in lots of families.
Well, I could have written your post practically word for word, down to the MIL who goes to mass several times a week, the outdoor wedding w/ non-denom pastor, etc! (although I was also raised Catholic & am now pretty much agnostic)
I am more opposed to baptism in the Catholic Church than MH is, he would go along with it just b/c his siblings have baptized all their kids (and now they're all going through first communion) but I told him that if he feels strongly about it, I would do it if he goes to become a member of the church & does all the requirements or whatever. However, he really doesnt want to do all that so I think that it is probably solved. We have sort of been prepping both families since we got married so neither one will be surprised & while they both make comments once in awhile, they don't really give us much of a hard time. My mom asked if maybe we could baptize in a different type of church since she knows all my issues with the Catholic Church (which started before the IF of course) more like a 'tradition' than a religious thing, which I would actually be open to except I highly doubt that most churches will let you do that without becoming a member and jumping through some hoops so ?I guess we really have to talk about it more.
GL- I hope that they know you guys well enough to expect this and to respect your decision. ?
We're waiting until she's old enough to decide for herself.
I'm a Christian and I bring her to church with me. DH believes in God, but doesn't go to church, doesn't really have any active sort of faith, if that makes sense. My denomination is not one that believes baptism is necessary to not go to hell or purgatory.
My dad is a pastor. My whole family keeps pestering me about it. But we're going to wait. To me, for DH to stand up and say he promises to bring her up in the church and to ask people in the congregation to participate in that when he has no intention of actually doing that is wrong. It's like lying to God and all those people. He feels the same. The meaning of it and the promise is more important than pleasing my family. I'm already committed to teaching her about faith and bringing her to church, etc, so I feel like the symbolism of the water can wait a while until she can understand what it's about.
I am considering a baby naming ceremony, though, which the local government do, where you can gather family and promise to be good parents, etc. I also know some denominations also do baby dedications-- maybe you could find an "officiant" of some sort to do something like that?
Based on what you said I don't think you should baptize your child. It would be completely against what the Catholic church believes about infant baptism.
I had missed your announcement that you were pregnant and wanted to say Congrats!!
We're not baptizing either baby. ?I am prepared for a little resistance from my side of the family, but luckily my husband's parents didn't baptize him or his sister, so they should think nothing of it. ?
My family has Presbyterian/Catholic/Episcopalian/Methodist roots, but as a child I was never taken to church (except on the odd Christmas) and even though I was baptized, religion never played a part in my worldview. ?I am pretty sure my parents know this about me, so they won't be surprised. ?We're both agnostic/somewhat atheist.
If you tell your MIL that your child is more than welcome to explore religion when he/she is older, then that is more than enough, I think, and after that, you can't choose to worry about it. ?It's not her child. ?Plus, I would imagine it would mean more if a child chose to do that when they were actually old enough to understand it, rather than basically imposing "belief" on someone that's not old enough to crawl.?
We are not planning on baptism either. Neither of us attend, or have ever really attended, formal religious celebrations and I come from a variety fo different religious backgrounds. I will be teaching my child about various religious and spiritual customs and he or she can make his own decision about what he believe.
Most importantly, I will teach my child to be tolerant and respectful of everyone and their beliefs. (I like how respectful and well thought out all the responses to this post were.
)
We are definitely not. I was raised Jewish, but DH was raised Catholic and while he is FAR from religious at all (and tells people were 'Jewish when asked) his family if very, very Catholic.
When we first told everyone I was pregnant, his father (4 times divorced!) asked us numerous times about Christening/Baptism (whatever, I'm not sure of the difference). Yeah, sorry buddy, definitely not going to happen. His mom has not brought it up (yet...) but I think she knows it is not something we'd ever choose to do, even though I just know she would love us to and feels it's important.
Oh well! I say, you need to make the decisions that are right for your family everyone else needs to be grown up about it and deal.
This is what I was going to post
These are my beliefs but dh was raised methodist and they baptise young. I am not having them baptised. I did have them dedicated, which is different. MIL keeps asking and I keep telling her no, but you already know you're going to get it. Good luck.
i don't think that you should do it - if you do, you are setting an example for your child that he/she should do things just to go along or to appease people, even if it's not in line with his/her beliefs.
we won't be baptizing our babies but that has nothing to do w/our parents (even though they agree w/us). we are religious but believe that our child should be able to grow up and make that decision on his/her own. we believe that a child that passes away at a very early age still goes to heaven b/c he/she is innocent and hasn't sinned anyway....just our beliefs.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
No we are not Baptising our daughter.
The Catholic church is against the method in which our baby was conceived. ?I am not interested in having her baptised for that reason, among many others. But that one reason makes me VERY angry.
I want to post I lurk on this site from TTTC. I and DH are both devout Catholic. I will do IVF. I am 27 and will do Donor eggl donor sperm, donor embryo. I think if your baby wants to be baptised that is great if not that is awesome. This is America and we have freedom of choice. I love the fact that we all have freedom of choice.
We sound JUST like you only my MIL rocks and keeps her mouth shut about how we choose to live our lives.
I'm agnostic, DH is athiest but was raised super strict catholic.
Our wedding was 100% "non-God". One of DH's aunts commented that she'd never been to a wedding where God wasn't mentioned but thought our ceremony was "surprisingly spiritual".
My advice is do NOT do it to apease her. The thing I hate about organized religion is the hipocracy I've experienced in my exposure to it. Like you said it would be a big fat lie.
We too plan to expose our kids to all religions (my oldest has already been to Jewish, Christian and Hindi worship services) and let them make their own decisions.
We didn't get much flack - just the question of when would the baptism be and we responded simply "it won't."
Stand your ground. You don't need to defend your decision but my game plan had DH's mom said something was to explain our feelings about exposing him (them) to all religions and then ask her if she would be our "go to" for exposing him to Catholicism. I really do want him exposed to Catholicism. It's a part of his heritage and important for him to learn about IMO. I figured she'd get a bigger kick outta being his designanted Catholic advocate than she would out of a baptism ceremony any way!
If she pushes back could you tell her that you're counting on her to teach your kids about Catholicism? After all - one of her biggest concerns will likely be that she's concerned that your child will be raised heathen.
We seriously have conversations already with Dylan about different religions and how different people believe different things and that everyone is entitled to those beliefs and it doesn't make any of them right, wrong, superior, or inferior. I think actually seeing how we handle the subject of religion/spirituality has made my MIL a bit less concerned that he's never going to have any kind of spiritual foundation, KWIM?
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
We did not baptize, nor do we plan to. DH and I share the same views as you (although I'm the agnostic and he's the atheist) and feel exactly as you do on the topic.
DH's family is pretty religious -- but luckily not one has said a word about our decision. She might surprise you and acknowledge that you can make your own decisions about your family.
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This is exactly what a Catholic Baptism entails, so I'd tell her that.
I think you should stay true to your beliefs.?
People shouldn't get married in a certain faith if they don't believe in it, and they definitely shouldn't baptize their kids in a certain faith if they don't believe in it. ?I agree with pp - explaining to your kids that "mom and dad don't believe in God, but we baptized you because your grandmother made us feel bad about it" is just telling your kid that being true to yourself and your beliefs is less important than placating a MIL. ?
I also imagine that it will be more than uncomfortable for the two of you to make promises you don't believe in, plus the required baptism prep class(es) for most Catholic churches. ?
I wish more people were like you and accepted themselves as not religious and didn't feel the need to get married in a church they will never attend, or baptize their kid with no intentions of raising them as Christians. ?It seems kind of empty, whereas your wedding sounded very meaningful. ?
Plus, as pp said, there are many Christian denominations that don't practice infant baptisms anyway, so I'm not sure why there is so much pressure in general.?