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nbr: lesbian parent, wedding invites

ali-1411ali-1411 member
in Austin Babies

Here's the latest drama in my crazy family.

Take this situation:  Bob and Jane Smith have a daughter.  They divorce because Jane is a lesbian.  Bob get remarried to Sue.  Jane never changes her married last name, but is in a long-term relationship with a woman. 

15 years later....Daughter is getting married.  Invite says: 

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. and Mrs Bob Smith request the honor of yada yada yada.

Now everyone is "talking" because Jane referred to herself as Mrs Smith.  Etiquette-wise, is that wrong?

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Re: nbr: lesbian parent, wedding invites

  • MrsBeckOMrsBeckO member

    I don't see anything wrong with that. Not everyone chooses to go through the hassle of changing their names back to their maiden name following a divorce.?

    Why would it be a big deal? If people knew they were divorced, I don't see what the fuss is about.?

    ETA: Does the 'lesbian' detail even matter in the context of this story/question??

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  • DeltadeeDeltadee

    I think etiquette wise it is proper since a woman that is divorced is still referred to as Mrs First Last name.

    "In the U.S., the form ?Mrs. Miller Smith? was traditionally used, with the birth surname in place of the first name. However, the form ?Mrs. Jane Miller? has since become widely used for divorc?es, even in formal correspondence."

    But, I can definitely see how it would stir up some trouble! 

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  • flymansWifeflymansWife
    is it the 'Mrs.' part thats causing controversy? People think she should have used 'Ms.'?

    if its over the Jane Smith... well i don't even know what to say cause it is her name. lots of married women don't go back to their maiden name after divorce
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  • kiarox2002kiarox2002
    I think that it is fine. ?Now if it said "Mr and Mrs John Smith" I might be a bit confused, but having them separate implies that they are not together (to me).
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  • MrsBeckOMrsBeckO member
    imageMrsRosie:

    I think she is referring to the "Mrs" part vs the last name change.? I always thought you lost/dropped your Mrs after a divorce.

    Aahh -- yes, I would have used "Ms." if it were me.. I thought "Smith" was the issue at hand. ?

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  • ali-1411ali-1411 member

    Its the Mrs part that is getting to people. 

    I assumed she referred to herself as a Mrs because she is in a relationship with a woman.  They'd get married if it was legal in Michigan.

    I just wondered what others thought.

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  • AmethystBrideAmethystBride

    imagekiarox2002:
    I think that it is fine.  Now if it said "Mr and Mrs John Smith" I might be a bit confused, but having them separate implies that they are not together (to me).

     

    This.  My mom kept her married name after my parents divorced.  It seems common place these days, especially when mothers want to keep the same last name as their children.

    :-)

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  • TayteeTaytee
    Yeah, I think she should have gone with the Ms. myself... For the most part, all family and friends should know the situation but outside looking in, I'd be terribily confused if I was a co-worker who got the invite or whatever.
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  • daisybride1daisybride1
    I think it is totally normal.  For my wedding I used my previous married name on my invites, since I kept my married name after my divorce.  It was my legal name, and no one questioned it, not even my current husband, thats the name everyone knew me as.
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  • AbrooksAbrooks
    I have no idea about if it's ok etiquette-wise but if she feels it's important to show she's in a committed relationship despite being unable to be married, then so be it.  Seems a little silly for people to care that much about whether she put Ms. or Mrs.  They should be happy and excited for the wedding of the daughter. 
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  • batstephbatsteph
    Honestly, I think the only people here who've committed a breach of etiquette are the people who are so busy talking about the invitation (not on this board; IRL). ?Ms. probably is more common these days for divorced women than Mrs., but Mrs. is still perfectly acceptable. ?And ditto the PPs about the last name -- it's hers, she should use it.
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  • TayteeTaytee

    imageAbrooks:
    I have no idea about if it's ok etiquette-wise but if she feels it's important to show she's in a committed relationship despite being unable to be married, then so be it.  . 

    Der. I hadn't really thought of it from that perspective.

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  • kiarox2002kiarox2002
    My parents are both remarried and I listed my stepparents on my wedding invite. ?Maybe she could do "Mr and Mrs Bob Smith and Mrs and Mrs Jane Smith"... ??
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  • FeistyFilleFeistyFille
    I don't see anything wrong with how it's listed, but like pp, I also listed my mom's longtime boyfriend on my wedding programs.  They've never married but have been together for almost 20 years, and I felt strongly that I should acknowledge that.  But I'm guessing that would have stirred up even more controversy in this case if people are freaking out about the "Mrs" part.
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