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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Janimal
member
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Vent: Unemployed DH and FT daycare
Janimal
member
This is long, and now that I have read it over, not even very interesting. But I wrote it so now I'm posting it anyway.
So DH was laid off late February.
We kept DD in fulltime daycare so he could focus on getting another job and trying to drum up freelance work.
After a while, I mentioned to DH that we should look into part-time care at the current center or other alternatives that would be less expensive but still provide him some time to work freelance and go on interviews. DH was not excited about taking DD out of daycare. DH has been really stressed over not having a job so I didn't push too much right away.
But as time goes on, I have mentioned it a few more times. DH is creative, and it's not like there are a bunch of jobs out there. He's got lots of contacts and lots of "We would so love to hire you but can't right now" - and I believe it's just a matter of time. But we are paying $260/week for FT daycare. We have a decent cushion and luckily we can cover our bills with my pay, but that doesn't leave room a lot of wiggle room, and that extra $1k a month - well, if he's not working, we don't need to spend it!
So, DH finally agreed that we should take DD out of FT daycare. If he gets an interview, we have some SAHM friends who have said they would take care of her at short notice. There is another place that is close to home but not close to my work that might be an option for PT also. I gave daycare 2 weeks notice on a Monday a few weeks ago.
That night, DH says he talked to FIL who agreed DH needs to look for a job FT and DH says FIL offered to pay for daycare. I was not happy about this - it was just way too convenient that his FIL offered. I told DH I still thought we should go parttime, but I left it up to him. He's his Dad offering after all.
So we got a check for $1k from FIL for daycare.
It bothers be because we *could* pay it if it is really necessary. But IMO, it's not. We're spending money for daycare that we just don't need to spend. So we talk, and DH says he agrees and we'll just take the extra month on FIL and then we really will take DD out of FT care.
Anyway, 2 days ago DH scored a freelance job. Which honestly he really needed for his ego, and the money is pretty good. I am proud of him. But this is just what he needs to say we should keep DD in FT daycare.
YOu can bet if I were unemployed (knock on wood) I would have DD home with me. No question.
Sigh.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: Unemployed DH and FT daycare
Well I can sympathize as I'm in the same situation. DH got laid off in late Jan. He is going to school so OK fine he needs time to do that but he could definitely keep her home at least PT. I only pay 120 a week so it's not that bad but still.
And yes if it was me who was out of work she would definitely be home with me. I have wished sooooo many times that it was me cause he makes (well made) twice as much as I do so it would have been ALOT easier to get by. owell... such is life.
I'd be more upset by his apparent lack of interest in taking care of his dd - she could be in daycare pt so he can look for a job and be home with him pt. I definitely would be having another conversation with dh about this because if the situation were reversed - would he expect you to watch her pt?
ETA: running to daddy and involving him in our financial difficulties/stresses without my consent would really bother me too
Yeah, I see your point, I can't fathom paying $1k a month for daycare when one of you is home. IMO looking for a job is not a FT thing, I mean, it's not like you are out from 8-5 every single day going on interviews/meeting with contacts, etc. I really hope if works out for your DH and good for you for working so hard!!
GL to you guys!
Oh, and if it were YOU out of work and job-hunting, would DH expect DD to be at home with you? At least part time? I can def see my DH doing the same thing as yours!?
Wow I would be a little uncomfortable that he pulled your FIL into and took money from him, especially since it's really not all about affording the daycare it's more about using your money wisely. I agree with you that DH should have been watching her and that it's such a classic double standard that if the situation was reverse that she would have been out of daycare day 1.
I'm actually in somewhat of a reverse situation. DH is out of work and I'm working full time. DD is home with DH though and she has never been in daycare but I really want DH to look more aggressively for a job and go back to work so that I can stay home with DD. Unfortunately DH has gotten pretty comfortable at home and isn't really motivated. At least we're not paying for daycare though, I guess.
I so understand where you are coming from and I know how hard it is to try and get through to DH. My DH is home from work with a work injury and my Mom watches DS everyday. I too feel that there is no need for my Mom to watch DS since DH is home and she would watch him while DH has physical therapy, but DH says he can not take of DS since his leg may give out if he is holding him.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I know the furstration and Kudos to you for discussing it with him as I have done with DH many times.
Good Luck and congrats to your DH on his job.
I got laid off at the end of March. We kept DS in daycare for a bit to give me some time to wallow and look for jobs, but now I'm home with him. Your DH wants to live like he's still working, and that's just not the reality.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
This exactly.
In his defense, I think his hesitation to take care of DD is a mix of his fear that he won't get another job he loved like his last one, and his lack of confidence to care for DD. I think keeping her home is him admitting he won't get a job anytime soon. And although he's come a long way since he tried to pick her up by her head in the hospital and couldn't figure out how to diaper her when she moved her legs (yah, he was SO clueless with babies), I don't think he is convinced he will do a good job as a SAHD.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
hmmm I would be upset that he drug FIL into this as well.
My H is a SAHD during his off season, but we have a open door daycare where he can drop them off if he needs to run errands or take on a job. I cannot fathom paying FT daycare if one parent is at home. And yes, if I were home, I would WANT to have my children home with me.
I can relate. DH has been out of work (also creative - there is NOTHING out there) since Feb and we have kept DS in daycare FT. There are a slew of reasons - DH needs to to look for a job, I LOVE my daycare and don't want to lose our spot, and honestly I just don't think DS would get enough stimulation being home with DH. He's a good dad but I don't think he can handle 8-9 straight hours entertaining DS. If I were home it would be different, I would take an active role in getting DS out of the house, teaching/playing, doing activities. But I know the DH would spend a good portion of the day on the computer/watching TV while DS just played by himself - not ok with me.
And we can't afford our bills on my salary - my family has been helping out. And we can't last much longer either. Even if we took DS out of daycare we are going to reach a point where we can't pay our mortgage anymore. I'm just sort of biding my time at this point.
I can understand some of where he is coming from. I have observed with men that some do better with kids at different ages. A guy at work is horrible with babies but once they hit about 2 he is awesome. He says he just freaks out when they cry, he's afraid of hurting them, the schedule and reading the cues are tricky, but when his kid got a little older he is rolling on the floor with, awesome with shutting a tantrum down quick, and says he's better with her then his wife. Now DH loves the baby stage, he is all over DD but keeps saying that he is scared for when she starts walking and stuff. He likes to "chill" with her a lot and go for walks in the stroller, etc.
We are in a similar position, but my husband stays home with our daughter. He has mentioned that he can't really focus on looking for a new job/career since he is with her all day. In some ways, I agree with this, but I can't justify paying for daycare FT in hopes that he'll find something (he is in real estate now and working, but it's sporadic and slow). We actually haven't gotten into daycare yet anyway, so I think I am just putting off the decision until that happens.
To his credit, my husband is absolutely great with our daughter - probably makes it harder for me to want to change the situation at this point.
I'm hoping that the job market picks up towards the end of summer, and a spot opens in our daycare at the same time.
I think the bigger issue for you guys is definitely having your in-laws involved. That would be a tough situation.