Extremely frustrated with DH's work and schedule

Stacyc625 · May 2009

My DH is an IT lead and has a ridiculous schedule.

When he gets home the pager goes off (and i counted yesterday before complaining) 36 times. During dinner, during playtime with her, on our walks, bath time.

I am a work at home mom (i get 75% of my work done at night and during her naps)- So I both work AND take care of her solely- no help- no babysitters, nannies, etc.

It seems like his blackberry gets more attention than us.

I finally broke down and practically yelled at him-- asking him if it would be acceptable if i called him at work EVERY five minutes???

he said, why would you do that? I am at work. YES- EXACTLY. Why should your boss and company call you EVERY FIVE MINUTES when you are at HOME?? Why is that acceptable?

I dont mind it every now and then. I know problems come up- but this is ridiculous. I cannot even eat a forkful of broccoli without the thing going off. I am 'on duty' with her for 13 straight hours with no help- the least he can do is have some family time for us.

Any suggestions- to help him SEE that he really needs some balance>?

Amrice78 · May 2009

That would be unacceptable in our house. DH works very long hours as well (13 hours), but he doesn't bring it home. You need to sit down and have a discussion about needing to leave work at work and turning of the crackberry at LEAST during dinner. Sorry that seems so frustrating.

JennDave+1 · May 2009

That would annoy me. I think it comes with the territory I worked as project manager for an IT company and businesses that need technical support would call or email at any time of the day. Everything was an emergency.

Maybe if you discussed a cut off point?? Does his work make him keep the pager on 24-7?

peapine · May 2009

I have no advice, just sympathy. I am in a similar situation. I feel like a single mother. My husband works ALL the time. He works 10 hours a day- barely seeing her in the morning and most of the time misses her at night (shes already in bed) and then he jumps back on the computer EVERY night until like 1am. We have no time for each other and tell you the truth- I might have it worse than you. Because, I think actually I know and hes admitted this- that he is a workaholic and doesnt know how to shut it off. So, my DH does it my choice. I dont know how I deal with it.

Stacyc625 · May 2009

yeah- see that is the point. i totally GET that is part of his field. And to make matters worse- his work has seem to discover that if they call him- no matter what the problem (even if it is out of his area) IT GETS FIXED. so it is being totally abused.

and yes- he is 'on call' 24/7.

We really need to sit down and set some ground rules because i simply cannot go on like this. It is far from fair- especially for her.

apriljensmith · May 2009

Yep remove the battery from the blackberry - JK - sorry I know how you feel. DH is out of town all week and sometimes I think it's easier than having him here and not helping. I know that sounds bad. ?I hope it gets better for you!

?

JollyGreenGoat · May 2009

I feel your pain. DH and I work for the same company, but he's in a more critical role, hence the blackberry. It goes off constantly and we'll be walking around then all of a sudden he'll stop to answer an email or a text message. It's annoying, but we work with people we've known as friends for 6+ years now so it's really tough to say "NO" to our "second family." I try to be understanding, because in this economy, we're lucky to have our jobs still.

SenoraKristin · May 2009

I understand your frustration. My DH does not bring any work home, but he is always "thinking" about work, has to work late without notice some nights and travels for months at a time overseas.