- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
3rd Trimester
F/U Are you truly happily married?
This post got me thinking. There were some people who said they weren't happy and I was wondering why they weren't in counseling or something. Marraige is work, a lot of work. For me, I think dh has done alot, and at one point I never would have thought I would still be with him..
What's your marraige deal breaker? I mean what is the one thing dh would have to do to cause you to end it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: F/U Are you truly happily married?
I call it my 3 A's
Addiction
Abuse
Adultery
I am still not sure that I would leave right away, except for abuse. I think it is hard to know exactly what you will do until you are in the situation.
This.?
1. Cheating
2. Providing disrepectful habits to children re: mom. Too many times I've seen dad be extremely disrespectful to mom in front of their child, and lo and behold, years later (if even that), the child is also telling mom to shut up or calling her a b!tch. This just will not do.
3. Emotional/Physical/Sexual Abuse of anykind to anyone.
Cheating and Beating...
We were asked this question in our premarital counseling. Our priest wanted us to know each other's boundaries before we got married. I think it's a GREAT question for engaged couples.
Cheating and abuse. We both have a "one strike and you're out" clause with those. If he cheats or hits me (or our kids) even once, my children will NOT see me lay down and take it.
Addiction I'm on the fence about. I feel that up until a certain point, you have a responsibility to your spouse to get them through something like that. Only up until a certain point though. I suppose we'll have to cross that bridge when we get there, but hopefully it won't.
This is good! I wouldn't leave him for addiction and maybe adultery... but he ever hits me I would leave immediately! But those are the top three things that would test our marriage seriously.
Lying and/or cheating.
I agree with you though, if I were not completely happy, we'd be in counselling - or would have been in counselling before discussing having a baby. We are broke right now, and that is stressful but at the same time I feel so loved, and am so happy that everything feels perfect.
I'm not trying to be snarky, but this, to me, seems naive. Marriage IS breakable, and you must know what your limits are.
I 100% agree on the addiction thing. I mean addiction that someone is unwilling to get help for, or is unable to kick.
This.
this is 100% me. Although while in marrieage counseling BEFORE the wedding we werew asked this. I said Abuse.
Cheating and any form of abuse. I was cheated on by my ex for the entire 5 years that we were together and he put my health at great risk. DH knows that both are dealbreakers and I can only assume he feels the same way (although he's never verbalized it).
I agree fully.
we have no deal breakers that would end our marriage on impact...
my husband has taken ME through some rough shiiit and I would owe it to him to hear him out and try to work through it.
He really is my saving grace
I am very happy. We have been married for a little over 2 years and we just added a little baby girl to our family. I am happier with my DH more now than when we were dating. I feel as though we are a team now that we are married and things are really good. Deal breakers would definitely be if he cheated on me or physically abused me.
There has been too much infidelity in my family with my mom/dad, mom/stepdad, grandparents that it is something that I will not tolerate. I also don't want my daughter growing up thinking that it is acceptable to cheat on your spouse. If Dh was to cheat on me it probably would be b/c he wasn't happy with some part of our marriage. If he ever felt the urge to cheat, I would hope he would talk to me first about what was bothering him before he went outside our marriage.
This, DH said I'm stuck with him. I'd like to think no matter what we'll always love one another.
Agreed. The 3 A's.
I was one of the "not happy" answerers and we are working on it. A lot of it has to do with me....and I know that - however this pregnancy is taking a toll on me and that is all I am able to concentrate on right now.
I don't think I'm being naive... I come from a divorced family and I know what it entails but I also know that there is a solution to every conflict. ?Divorce is a cop-out... I thought so with my own parents and with MOST (not all) situations. ?Marriage is HARD work and it takes a ton of dedication... it's not always puppy dogs and candy canes. ?Abuse, Cheating, Lying, Addiction are all MAJOR issues, but they're not?uncorrectable. ?There are no limits... I chose him and a choose him everyday in every situation. Marriage is more than a?commitment, it's a covenant.?
Sorry to get all "preachy" but it's a hot spot for me. ?
most of the things mentioned above would be really hard for me to get over, if I could. However I think and I have seen forgiveness and health in marriage after an affair. If the person allows themselves to become broken and seeks wise counsel I may try to journey through it with him. I am not saying I would for sure but I might try. Either way there would be some much pain and healing would need to happen, with or without him so why not try to heal the brokenness together?
I am not saying I would stay around and let myself be abused, everything above would need to happen within his willingness to change.
I agree with the first quote & completely disagree with the second. Marriage shouldn't be thought of as breakable.
This.
Our number 1 problem at the moment is dh drinking and not knowing when to stop. He's not an addict by any means, but he just recently turned 21 and didn't do as much drinking in his teens as some do. He is still figuring out what his limit is. I on the other hand will have 2 wine coolers and call it a day.
We got married young, and in general we are happy. We don't bicker or argue a lot, which dh seems to be proud of. lol. He is one of the few people that can always make me smile.
We have been through some trying times, going through the most trying at the moment, and as long as we are still together in 4 months I would say we can survive anything. He has been great,and as of right now its more me, then it is him.
Cheating is the big one for me. I can't say for sure exactly what would happen, since I haven't had to deal with it. But it would be extremely hard to trust him ever again if he did that.
I really doubt he would ever do that to me, hopefully I will never have to find out!
We have this exact same set of deal breakers, the three A's.
The only caveat we have is for the addiction one, we would only divorce if the person with the problem won't work on their issues and continually puts our family at risk for their addiction. Substance abuse is a sad situation for all, and I really don't think I'd divorce DH unless it caused him to become abusive or he just refused to get help.
I am very happily married, and I don't think there is anything that's a definite deal breaker. For me, life has too many shades of gray.
Maybe it's because I was raised by a single mom, but my marriage would have to seriously go wrong in order for me to even contemplate divorce. I'm not what you'd call a romantic, and I came into this marriage wide-eyed, and with a clear head, fully cognizant of DH's and my faults. We both made a choice to fully commit ourselves to each other, and we're sticking to that.I too come from a divorced family, and it took me many years of counselling to get over my dad walking out on my mom and I. But you mean to tell me if your husband was beating your children, you would stay with him??
I would stay with him, but move myself and my children to a safe place where my DH would be able to get the help he needs. ?This would never happen anyway, but if it did I would seek help for both him and our marriage.?
I'm not sure. That sounds bad, but DH has done a lot of crappy stuff in our relationship. We've worked through it all, and are better now than we have ever been, but there are still issues. Most of which he either doesn't agree we have, or ignores because he's an ostrich that way.?
It's easy to say "if he did X, I'd leave" but until you're in that situation you really don't know. I never thought I'd put up with some of what I have over the years, so I realize that talk is cheap.?
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice