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Working Moms
What do you tell people? And your children?
I haven't really posted here although I do lurk occasionally but I would appreciate your answers/experience.
A bit of my story - I work in a European country where it is generally assumed that a woman SAH after having kid or at least works very part-time, preferably 2-3 days max. I work 4 days a week as a university lecturer/researcher, enjoy what I do and never really considered SAH, probably for two reasons a. I was born and raised in a country where most women work (my mum did too and was/is a great mother) so this is really normal to me and b. I always wanted to be a scientist, worked hard to get where I am and I know I wouldn't be happy if I gave it up.
Now to my actual question(s) - my daughter was born 2 years ago and even though the first couple of months after I went back to work were difficult things are great now, she really enjoys daycare (as soon as she sees DH getting ready for work she runs and grabs her shoes and gives it to him as to not forget her 
), I really enjoy my Wednesdays alone with her but I also enjoy my work. What really shocked me, and I realise how naive I was thinking that because I respect other people's parenting choices they would do the same, is the number of times and by how many different people I've been asked about my choice to go back to work (really starting from my SAHM friends to colleagues at work - I work at a primarily male field and all my colleagues are men). Depending on the person, their tone and intentions I give my answer but sometimes I am at a loss for what to say to an obviously insulting remark. I probably don't have to specify them but standard ones: getting more sick in day care, other people raising her etc.
Now, except for a few people whose opinion I (more or less) value, I don't really give a thing for those comments (it bothered me at first I must say). What I do think about is how comments like that are going to affect my daughter when she is old enough to understand them and hears people "feeling sorry for her because her mom works". My DH fully supports my decision and assures me that it is also for her own good, she gets to travel and see places that other kids don't, that I also show her that it is normally for a woman to have a career if she chooses to do so etc.
Sorry this was too long but I would love to hear your "effective" answers to rude comments and also how will you address those comments when your children are old enough to understand them?
Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What do you tell people? And your children?
I just saw this somewhere else the other day about "otehr people raising your child".
What about THEIR kids when their kids go to school? Are the teachers then raising THEIR kids? That's a response "Oh, so when your child starts school, you'll be done raising your kids?".
I would hope taht would stop them dead in their tracks.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
My mom worked while we were growing up. I always felt proud of her, and I was okay if she couldn't make it to a soccer game because she was rounding in the ICU. I thought it was cool, and I probably told more people than she would have preferred.
My friends with older children say the same thing. When other parents or their kids friends ask where mommy is, their kids respond very proudly that mommy is working right now.
As far as people making rude comments, I usually call them out and say something like, "Why would you say something like that to me? How did you think I would take that?" Because, really, they are the ones that did something wrong and need to figure out how to redeem themselves, not you.
Brilliant!