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Parenting
DH and I are having major problems...
This seems to be a trend on this board lately....
DH and I have had ongoing issues with his family ever since we got married. It's to the point now that we cannot have any further contact with his immediate family as a result of their continuous verbal and emotional harassment. My FIL was arrested last week, actually, for coming over to our home, refusing to let us leave, parking us in so we couldn't leave, and verbally harassing us to the point that our neighbors had to step in to help us...all in front of my 2 year old son.
You're probably asking...why are they doing this? Well, they don't like me. I'm not sure why they don't like me, but I'm sure it's a variety of reasons. I'm the only one in the family that went to college, they think I'm a snob, and they didn't like how independent my DH became when he married me. They didn't like how they lost control of him after we got married....as in they couldn't tell him where to go, what family functions to attend, how often to come over, etc. DH started standing up to them and they didn't like it. They blamed all of this on me...of course....God forbid their son turn into an adult.
All of this family drama is really causing a lot of stress on me. I don't need this right now...being pregnant. When I was pregnant with DS, my FIL threatened to harm me and yet again caused stress on me. It is beyond me why these people would show so little love for an unborn child, and then when that child is born they demand to see it and have a relationship with it....all while showing complete disrespect for me.
This is also causing a lot of stress on our marriage. While I have DH's complete support, every time his family steps in and causes some kind of problem, it brings up all kinds of anger and emotions. It's really hard. DH gets frustrated, angry, and it's a mixture of "I hate that my family is doing this to my wife and children" and "Why is my family doing this...they are supposed to love me."
I don't know what to do. I do NOT want my children growing up around this, yet nothing we do...not even calling the police....stops these people from inflicting harm and stress into our lives. It's not as easy as "They only bother you if you LET them" as I've heard before. These people are insane and I'm really scared for my marriage.
We are already in counseling, by the way.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH and I are having major problems...
Sorry you are going through this. If that was me, i'd get a restraining order against the FIL and that would be the end of it. I would cut off all contact with the family - no phone calls, no functions, nothing. If DH didn't support me, then he can pack his bags and leave.
No one should talk that way to you, about you, and especially not in front of your child.
no comments...just wanted to give you a hug
(((((HUGS)))))
Wow, that is a very hard situation and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I think marriage can be hard in completely 'normal' circumstances so I can imagine this is taking a toll.
Is there any chance that you guys will ever move out of the area to create some distance from his family?
Wow, that just sounds crazy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that kind of abuse. When I was married to my ex-husband his family(mostly his mom), was like this, but no where near this bad. She had taken care of his every need(cooking, laundry, etc) and controlled his every move until I came along. Once she realized that he was in a serious relationship that turned him away from her control even a little she would act awfully.
All I can suggest is hang in there. At least you seem to have your dh's support. As long as you both stay on the same page about them and protecting your children hopefully things will be okay(to some extent).
And you are right, anyone who says they only bothers you if you let it don't understand. They are pushing themselves on you, which is not the same as them just bothering you. Good luck!
I'm very sorry. My ex-MIL was a major factor in the end of my previous marriage. Unlike your situation, my ex was immature, not supportive of me at all and refused counseling. The fact that your DH supports you and is willing to work on your marriage is really a positive thing.
I hope you're able to work this out. I think I would be afraid for myself and my children given your situation. ((hugs))
No, we won't be moving out of the area. My entire family lives here and I refuse to let DH's family run us out. I want my kids to enjoy my family...it's the only family they will know.
We have a restraining order against FIL already...which is why he was arrested last week when he came over.
Excellent advice. In total agreement.
(((hugs))) Sorry you're having to go through this
I have no advice for you but I am so sorry that this is happening to your family. Do you think it is possible to move and not tell anyone where you have moved to?
I definitely think it is time to sever all ties with his family. Permanently.
Wow... that is ridiculous. As hard as it may be, you may need to cut off all contact with his family. Perhaps then they will understand what they have lost. In the meantime, violence and agressiveness like your FIL has shown to you already require you to protect yourself, and your children.
Clearly, these people are inbalanced, and YOU are not the problem at all. Its good that your H is so supportive although I'm sure he is sad at the disgracefulness of his family.
Good luck.
Hugs! Sadly being pregnant doesn't stop life from continuing on, try not to let yourself feel extra "vulnerable" because you are pregnant, you are the same strong woman you have always been.
Our families really know how to push our buttons, and it's not surprising that even though your husband is firmly on your side, that the angst created by his family may throw him for a loop. Remember that you are a team "us against the world" and find happiness in your own family. I might consider relocating slightly, staying within easy distance of your family, but using it as a tool to cut ties with his, but I understand that you might resist this plan. But maybe consider it, and not let pride (they can't force us out) prevent you from making a choice that improves the quality of your lives.