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Reaction to SIL's baby shower

ashley0616ashley0616
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I threw my SIL a baby shower this last Sunday. I prepared for it, as I'd been planning it for a month before we lost the babies. I thought I was going to be OK.

It wasn't the thought of her healthy child that upset me. I love my SIL and my niece already and could never resent her healthy pregnancy. It was all the family and friends who were there who knew about our loss (thanks Mom!) who gave me that look.

The "oh honey, I am so sorry" look. Several even came up and gave me a hug and asked how I was holding up. I was fine till you looked at me that way and asked that question, thankyouverymuch.

I made it thru the shower OK, but cried the whole way home. I know everyone's just trying to be sympathetic, but ugh. It's rough. I know, however, that I will never do that to anyone again. I'm sure I have, and I had NO idea how much it hurt.

Miscarriage sucks in so many ways.

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Joe and Ashley ~ June 16, 2007 ~ Olivia Rae ~ May 12, 2008 ~ 9:06 pm ~ 8lbs 4oz ~ 20.5 inches ~ Miscarriage of twins ~ April 16, 2009 at 6 weeks. ~ Surprise BFP 6/23/09 13DPO ~ Eleanor Rose ~ February 18, 2010 ~ 6lbs 15oz ~ 20 inches ~ Caroline Ruth ~ February 19, 2013 ~ 6lbs 12 oz ~ 19 1/4 inches

Our family is complete!

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Re: Reaction to SIL's baby shower

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    traceandrobtraceandrob
    Im so very sorry. Family always tend to say or do the wrong things but again its such a tough situation. I had a work friends shower last week and my eyes filled with tears about 20 times during the 1 hour party. It was horrible. ((hugs))
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    KateAndMarkKateAndMark

    I am hosting a baby shower for a friend in two weeks and I am dreading going for the reasons you just pointed out. I don't want people giving me that look or having to tell our story over and over again.

    I'm sorry that it was rough on you.

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    Cassie GibbonsCassie Gibbons
    i am sorry you had to go through that. i would have cried thru the whole thing. i know what you mean about the "look". i hate it. it is bad enough we are thinking about it in our head all the time. we don't need others saying stuff or feeling sorry for us on top of it. it makes it that much harder to move on. i am proud of you for holding the shower. i know it meant the world to your sil.
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    Mommy2NicoleMommy2Nicole

    I'm sorry! I go thru this feeling everyday. My neighbor that lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR is pregnant. We were due a week apart. Her children play with my daughter every day. We became friends. I watch her belly grow month after month and wish it was me. But what are you going to do? I realize that it just wasn't meant to be for me right now!

    I know I sound harsh..believe me, I'm not..I have learned to deal with things this way. Just wasn't my time. 3 miscarriages later! It sux.

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    lampkinslampkins
    My Brother and SIL shower was last weekend and I was supposed to host the co-ed shower.  After talking with DH, we both decided that we couldn't handle watching the gifts being opened so we backed out and my mom, other SIL and other brother took over the responsibilities of the party.  I was so gratgeful for them.  I went early to drop off our gift (gift card, I couldn't go into Babys r' us) and then we left and came back later.  Unfortunately not everyone was gone and I walked into a house with a few guests.  I beelined it for the kitchen to my mom.  I was upset because I didn't want to have to see the looks or someone asking a question or making a comment and me loosing it.  I stayed in the kitchen playing with my 1 yr old nephew until only family remained.  You are so much stronger than me.  I can't handle going to a baby shower or being around people that may not know and possible comment.  I'm just not ready yet.  This definitely sucks!
    ectopic 03/15/07 @ 9weeks; m/c 9.17.07 @ 6weeks ; m/c 04.02.09 @ 11weeks 1st Round of Clomid - 12/07/09; BFP 01/01/10; nonviable 01/18/10 Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image
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    040Mom710040Mom710

    I hate "the look" and I would almost rather have people act like the m/c didn't happen and treat me like they normally do.  I know people care and I appreciate the thoughts and prayers but I am not going to feel better emotionally if I am being reminded of it and asked about "how I am feeling" every day. 

     I'm not sure I could host a baby shower right now so I think your SIL is very lucky to have family like you.  I got an invite to a shower the day after my m/c and it just made me cry. The shower for one of my best friends but I am thankful that I don't have to go because I live too far away.

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