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1st Trimester
NBR - DH's ex girlfriend (long)
So, we have to be at an event with DH's exgirlfriend on Friday. They are friends and, in the beginning, I actually enjoyed talking with her. She is very "hippie/new age" and is all about "finding herself" etc.
She has pulled a couple of stunts that men would generally be oblivious to but that really bother me. Example one - she did not send in her RSVP for the wedding. This particular group of DH's friends is bad that way. DH called and emailed and didn't get a response from her. When he finally got ahold of her it was this long thing about how she needed to move on with her life and how she wasn't sure that going to the wedding would be a healthy thing for her to do blah blah blah. It was all about her. To heck with the fact that I was trying to figure out numbers and table seating and all of that. DH's father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer the week after we were engaged, I had 8 weeks to plan a wedding for 170 and she was playing games for attention.
Then, even weirder, we were at a birthday party for a mutaul friend at a sushi place. We were in a back room at a big table and DH and I were up against the wall opposite the door. She came in and did the hug hello thing with both of us then, as soon as people were sitting down and talking, she walks around on my right and starts to try and "sneak" behind me to DH (who is on my other side in the corner). Now, there was no room for a person to even squeeze behind - there was only maybe 18 inches and me and the chair took up most of it. She didn't even awknowledge I was there. She has something paper in her hand and she was holding it down below the level of the table with her hand over the top of it like she was covering what it was. She gets one arm and shoulder behind me, pushing me in to the table, and hands DH this envelope down low, below eye level for the rest of the table. She has literally shouldered me forward. No "excuse me", no "can you hand this to Steve", no "hey Steve, this is for you to open later". DH takes is and she goes back to her spot on the other side of the table without a word.
I was so embarassed. I felt like she was trying to be sneaky but being really blatent about it in front of a group of our friends. It was mortifying. The note said she was sorry my DH's father had died and she remembered how my DH had been there for her when her dad died. She gave her condolences to DH's sister and DH's mom. She pointedly left me out. I hate those kinds of games. It was impolite and stupid.
I vented about this a little to DH last night as I know we are going to see her Friday and I wanted to make it clear that I really am not up to dealing with that stuff right now. She is supposed to be DH's friend. A friend doesn't ignore a person's wife and make her feel awkward. A friend doesn't need to be sneaky or blatently leave the wife out of a condolence letter. A friend doesn't use the other person's wedding for an attention getting stunt.
I have always been nice to this person. We have invited her over for every event involving that group at our house. I make sure she is included and I make sure she is welcome.
Here is my concern - my hormones have given me a very low tolerance for game playing.
Sorry that was so long. Thanks for letting me vent.
Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.
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Re: NBR - DH's ex girlfriend (long)
why is his ex girlfriend so much a part of his life now? It should be more of an aquaintance thing rather than close friend. Id feel akward and uncomfortable if she were around my man. Especially if I were being left out and ignored!
That is a very touchy situation and you are a great woman for dealing with it! My DH has a similar "ex" around and I do not like her! She is one that all of a sudden started coming around the family after they broke up! She never looks me in my face because she is rude!
I say you need to let DH know that right now you're not comfortable with the way she treats you and she is disrespectful!
Don't let it get to you too much though!
I'm still pretty good friends with one of my exes. My husband tolerates it, but I don't invite him around, either. It's more of an email/phone/long distance friendship than anything else. However, if I did invite him over and he acted like a douchebag, that would be the end of that. I don't do well with people disrespecting my husband (or in the OP's case, the husband's ex disrespecting her). I do believe that exes can be friends, good friends, if the circumstances are right.
Yeah, I would be upset too. I feel that my H's friends should treat me with the same respect that they treat my H. Luckily it's never been an issue but I would hope my H would stick up for me if it ever became a problem.
That being said, I applaud you for being so open minded about hanging out with you H's ex. I don't know if I could do it (but then again my H has dated some real bimbos!)
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12/09 - Macy (daughter) | 4/10 - Began TTC Baby #2 | 12/10 - Chemical Pregnancy | 1/12 - Miscarriage at 14 weeks | DX - PCOS & Hyperthyroidism
Oh no I totally agree that if the circumstances were ideal that it would be different, but this isnt the first time that she has treated you like this is it? Id think of something else. It wouldnt sit well with me if I were being treated like that...
You know how you have a close group of friends (these are post college friends) and you are closer to some than to others? She is part of that group and we used to see her at get together's fairly often. I think I've only seen her once in the past year and the same with DH. She isn't a close friend and that whole group has kind of fallen apart in the past two years.
Then I wouldn't worry about it.