- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies on the Brain
The Proposal!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The Proposal!!
I think what really matters is that both people are on the same page. Marriage not important? Cool. Don't believe in it? I respect that. BUT, both partners need to feel that way, IMO.
Otherwise, one is fine with things staying that way, and for the other it can lead to unhappiness and resentment. Especially after having kids, a ring, a wedding and all of that can become less and less of a priority, and an expense that gets harder to justify.
riiiight. which is why you asked to hear about everyone else's proposal stories. Nope, not craving marriage at all.
Listen to Bubba, she is very smart
If he's "not ready" to get married even though you want to, he's not that committed, sorry.
The belief that a couple should be married before having a baby varies from culture to culture. Do your thing and don't let anyone make you feel wrong about it. No one here knows your specific story and I don't recall you asking anyone for their input on your personal decision to TTC.
DH asked me to marry him on his birthday while we were walking next to the river.
This has nothing to do with culture and everything to do with the fact that he's "not ready" for the commitment of marriage, which means that he's also nowhere NEAR ready for the commitment of having a baby with someone. It's a recipe for disaster and it's sad and unfair to bring a child into this situation.
And how do you know he's not ready for the commitment of having a baby? How is marriage the litmus test for readiness for a child?
My mother never married my father and I turned out just fine.
It is possible to committ to another person with out a marriage certificate. Not everyone sees marriage as a fairytale of I do's and then have babies and live happily ever after. To each their* own.
He proposed on Christmas Eve in front of his family with about 20 boxes within each other and I had to open them all till I found the ring. Although, I would have said yes if it was at Burger King.
Ditto this. I turned out much better than some of my friends whose parents were married.
Aww...that's really cute. That reminds me of the proposal on Serendipity. She had to open a bunch of boxes to find the ring box.
I totally agree with you Holly.
Do what is best for you and your family. I think you've taken this criticism and judgment gracefully.
I get this but she is making it sound like they do believe in marriage, she would like to get married (perhaps sooner than he would) but he is just not ready now. If he wants to get married to someone someday but he isn't sure she's the one yet why have a baby with her? And to the poster, if you want to get married to someone someday and he won't commit, why are you going to have his kid? Do you think that will get you where you want to be?
I know it's hard for people to understand without knowing our relationship. He never said he wasn't going to marry me. He was the first one to bring up marriage after dating for 2 months. He wants to marry me when the time is right. I know someone is going to say well if it's not the right time to get married, why is it the right time to have a baby?
Yes I want to get married. Many people have waited for their significant other to be ready to TTC, well I'm waiting for my boyfriend to be ready for marriage. Yet, we have both decided together that we want a baby. We're ready for that next step.
I am a teacher also and work in a school that is very low socioeconomic and 98% of my students have only one parent....and it is definitely a hardship. Not really sure how this pertains to this particular post, because even married people can get divorced. I guess the point being is that the couple should be committed to each other before having kids, and most often that committment is made by saying vows in a marriage.
Yes, you're right, I do find it really hard to understand. I don't understand what makes a "right time" to get married if not the time when you're ready to commit to being with another person for life. And if you're not there, then that's fine, obviously, but if you're having a baby with someone, you really SHOULD be at that point. This is not even getting into the many legal consequences of parents not being married, even when they stay together (which most don't).
It just makes no sense to me that you're ready for the "next step" of having a baby, but not ready for the step of being married. That's like saying you're ready to be married, but not ready to move in together.
And this is assuming everything you're saying is true and that your boyfriend actually is as committed to you as you think he is. I want to get married "when the time is right, just not right now" is one of the oldest lines in the book.
Well I respect everyone's opinions, but it's my life. It's also our relationship and our decision to TTC. I understand that most don't agree, but I don't need anyone's approval. I'm not a teenager deciding that I want a baby. I'm an adult. Just because my definition of a "committed relationship" doesn't meet other's standards is fine by me. When we do have a child, he or she, will definitely be very loved and cared for by two committed parents.
BY THE WAY!!!
DH proposed on top of Brasstown Bald, the highest mountain in the state of GA overlooking several southeastern states. He said, and I quote, "the size of this mountain couldn't shake a stick at how much I love you." Afterwards, we went to his parents' cabin and had a steak & wine celebratory dinner and called other family members. It was very special!
Well thank you very much for understanding. I agree with you completely about being entitled to your own feelings.
And your proposal sounded very romantic.