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2nd Trimester
Being selfish about baby shower?
Okay so here's my dilemma...
We found out a few weeks ago that we are having a boy, and ever since we found out we were pregnant, my in-laws don't want to know what we're having, which I guess is fine, but yet totally ridiculous because it was our decision, not theirs. Well, now comes time to plan the showers...
Since my family knows what we're having, my mother and sister asked if I wanted the shower before he is born, and I think it's a great idea, because then I can get everything put away and washed up BEFORE he arrives. However, when DH called his parents yesterday, his mom said she didn't know if she and his sister would come or not because they don't want to know what we're having before the baby arrives, and asked if they would be able to figure it out at the shower. Of course DH told them, you probably will when she starts opening any presents and if you check our registry..
Am I being selfish here by wanting my shower before he arrives? I mean since I'm the one that's gonna have to put everything away and wash it up and I'm the pregnant one who would have to travel..shouldn't my opinion be a bit more crucial than trying to tip-toe around the in-laws yet AGAIN in my life.
I'm not a huge fan of the my side/his side showers because his family lives 3 hours away and I don't want to have to take our newborn son in a 3 hour car ride to then try find room to pack up our stuff, and any potential gifts, to then drive 3 hours back and then have to unpack.
Any advice??? Am I being a pregnant beotch?
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Re: Being selfish about baby shower?
I'm not a fan of shower posts, but this is more of an in-law post and yours are odd. Tell them not to come if they don't want to find out. But WTH?
They cannot expect you to plan your life and pregnancy around their desire not to know the sex.
You are entitled to have a baby shower whenever one is being thrown for you, and to register for any gender-specific things you want!
You will have to accept, though, that they might not come, and that should be fine with you. If they want to buy you a present from your registry, they can do it after he's born.
I think you both have the right to decline the shower - they can decline coming to yours so that they don't find out the sex and you can decline going to a second shower after the baby is born if you're not ready and/or comfortable doing that but it will probably cause problems. If they want to throw you a shower, I'd just go. You'll probably be up there anyway at one point or another so why not let them throw you something?
I have never heard of a Baby Shower AFTER the baby is born unless surprised by an early deliver. So NO you are not being selfish, they are. They don't want to come because they don't want to know what it is. So they would rather skip your shower. I Have never heard of such foolishness.
I think that your MIL and SIL are the ones being very selfish. They seem to have found a way to make this baby about them! (something I could see my MIL and SIL doing).
If it was me, I would send out the invites and whoever comes (including them) comes and whoever doesn't then oh well! And if the invites reflect a boy then have the person hosting hte shower write theirs on a plain index card.
Honestly, sounds like some poassive aggressive control crap.
I think they are being selfish if they are pressuring you to change a shower date just so they wont know the gender. If they don't wanna go to the shower that is being thrown for you than thats their issues/superstitions/whatnot to get over.
I say that they can come and visit you after the birth and give you gifts then, or ship you gifts or whatever if they want you to have them beforehand. But the bottomline is that you shouldn't have to do anything to conform to their crazies unless you want to.
Ummm...its YOUR decision to find out the gender of your child. Not theirs! That is so weird that they are asking you to not tell them. They are being selfish...this is your time to shine and they should just support you, not create issues.
I would wear a T-shirt that says "baby boy on board" next time you see them.
This & LMAO! That is crazy that they are obsessing over not wanting to know the sex. I mean, seriously... WTF.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
God, they sound ridiculous. Who is throwing the shower -- your mom? If it's your mom, just send them the invite and they can decide whether or not they want to miss out on this event or not...and make the invitation blue
MIL/SIL are being really unreasonable...you shouldn't have to register for green and yellow items just because they don't want to know. Tell your MIL that you would like her to be there but she's just going to have to decide whether she wants to act like a child or be an adult and show up.
Some faiths do not believe in showers so they have welcome baby parties. That is fine as well, but it should be at your home at your convenience. Usually a month after baby is born. Have your DH tell them that they can do that or send a gender neutral gift.
A shower should be held before the baby arrives! You'll need to have most of the items on your registry prior to the birth so it's very selfish of your MIL to not come to the shower because she doens't want to know the sex?!
Have the shower before he's here.
My mother in law is the same way - she doesn't want to know and doesn't believe in buying gifts/having a shower before. Then she says "well because it's your's, I'll go..." I am silently wishing that she WON'T come.
You aren't being selfish...this is your's and DH's baby and you need to do what you both want. Tough if no one else likes it.
If it's really that big of a deal for them, maybe THEY could drive the 3 hours to get to you after the baby is born and you could have your shower at your place or somewhere nearby? They should understand that you may not be up for the ride right after the baby is born, and I'm sure they are planning on coming down to visit at some point anyways, right? If not, then I guess you could let them throw you a "Welcome the baby in the family" party, which doesn't have to be right away after your son is born.
Good luck!
You are not being selfish at all, IMO your being too accomodating. If his family doesn't want to attend that is their choice. I don't think showers after the baby is born is a great idea either, newborns are very sensitive to bacterias, and a large crowd maybe too much. Also your in-laws shouldn't expect you to drive 3 hours for a shower with a newborn. If they want to throw you one, let them throw you a gender neutral shower that is closer to your location, you could register at another store with gender neutral items. I tried that with my mother, until my 8 yr old niece spilled the beans, so now I don't have to hide it at my shower. They should be more understanding though.
Ughhh! This shiit makes me crazy. Same thing happened to a close friend of mine but it was her mother that didn't want to know the sex. Because everyone thought it was such crap that she tried to put these limits on my friend, her MIL threw her this over the top pink shower with her baby girls name on everything that would stand still. He mom came but stayed over in the corner and didn't look at any of the gifts. The way I see it, this is your pregnancy. I don't get why parents and inlaws think they get to put limitations on YOUR pregnancy and how you approach it.
You have your shower whenever and however you want it. It is your pregnancy and your baby.
There's no right or wrong, unlike most I've never been to a baby shower before the baby was born! Regardless, if they are willing to miss the shower just so they don't have to find out what the sex is then let them! It's their loss!
I feel this way too! But my MIL is hosting mine. The day after she found out we were expecting she called up DH and "claimed" the shower.
I say you call them say it's a boy! and hang up. Or just say him every time you talk to them about the baby. I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret and would spill the beans by mistake!
I think they are being strange and rude. It isn't their choice if you find out what the baby is and you don't have to keep quiet around them about what the baby is.... it would be like you telling your best friend not to tell you what her baby is because YOU want a surprise.... it wouldn't be about YOU! geez.
I suppose if they plan on being ridiculous about this you can always tell them you won't be traveling with the baby untill it is atleast 3 months old so they can plan a shower then...
Maybe you will get older sized clothes which I am sure you will need.?
Have your shower before - that is traditional. If they want to be surprised they can just wait and give you their presents after the baby is born.
This is so interesting to me becuase we are keeping the baby's gender a surprise and are catching heck from our family becuase they all want to know! So, I guess you can't please everybody know matter what you do :-)
LMAO - that is hysterical. I agree - I think it is quite selfish of them. There is no reason why you can't register and have your shower before (which is pretty normal) and be able to register for what you want.
This exactly! It's not up to them in my opinion and why can't they just find out with you? Sheesh.... that's so odd. Good luck to you and yes, I would want the baby shower before the baby comes! You are not being selfish - it's your in-laws who seem selfish actually.
THANKS GIRLS!!! YOU'RE TRULY AMAZING!