How do you handle "When are you going to have a baby"?

jamie217 · April 2009

I am so sick of this question! I was at my In-Laws retirement party yesterday and was having a conversation with my Dad and a girl I don't even know interrupted and asked me if "I was planning on having kids". With in a half hour a neighbor of theirs who I'd never met before says "I guess your next" and gestured to my nephew.

Of course I smile or refrain from saying "Actually we've been TTC for over a year, I had surgery, have endo. and only one tube, have been on meds for 4 months since my surgery with no luck and can't move on to anything more aggressive b/c H's insurance doesn't cover it and we can't afford it out of pocket, so we're now waiting for open enrollment to get on my insurance and then God willing I'LL BE NEXT - by the way thanks for asking because I was actually in the middle of a conversation where I hadn't been thinking about it for once, so appreciate the reminder!!!!!!"

Sorry for the vent, but I just don't get how strangers think its OK to ask that question. And it irritates me even more that H is not really bothered by it. And I know the sane thing to do it just smile and say "soon" or "we're not quite ready"...but I REALLY just want to put someone in their place, so they realize its not OK to ask people that question!!!!!

jrl2929 · April 2009

I get sick of asking that question too. And I've almost done what you want to do a number of times. Plus I'm alsmost 36 and it's great when people say something like " you know you don't have a lot of time left". I would pull that person aside on their own and say something like" look there are people out there who suffer from infertility and while you may think that it's just a snap for everyone to get pregnant - it's not. I am going politly let you know that it's very rude for you to ask someone when they are going to get pregnant because you don't know what their situation is and you may upset them by asking". Then walk away.

alwyzbsy · April 2009

It depends on the mood that I'm in. Generally I say "when the time is right". A couple of times I have been in a bad mood and told the truth - we've been trying since Dec 2007, had a loss, and my cycle is even worse now. It is hard. I wouldn't have thought twice to ask a friend when they wanted to start trying, but after going through all of this, I definitely do now.

HarleyQ8 · April 2009

Depends on my mood & who is asking. Sometimes I will say something like "Wow that is personal" and walk away....or "My sex life is fabulous...how about yours?".....sometimes "When we are ready".....or sometimes "It isnt as easy as you might think". It just depends.

k827 · April 2009

My next door neighbor askes me this at least once a week and now its even worse that her dil is pg and due in november. A couple of weeks ago i went over to look at their new addition that they did and we were talking about cabinets and paint colors and she randomly askes me when we are going to have kids....so rude..i just usually say "oh i dunno" i try and avoid her now..so annoying

stepgirl21 · April 2009

Depends what kind of mood I am in. If I want to be nice I say "Someday. We are getting closer to starting a family". If I don't want to be nice it depends - Sometimes I say We are infertile. And I walk away - I find that confuses a lot of ppl. There are several responses I could say but dont because unlike those who ask the question, I have a sense of propriety and manners.

fallbride110406 · April 2009

I'm usually pretty honest. I say, "We have infertility problems and are doing IVF." Most people say they're sorry, or tell me that they know others that have done it. In a blue moon I get the "relax" speech but I always just say, "If my husband and I were in COMAS, we wouldn't be relaxed enough to have a child. We have medical conditions that make it virtually impossible for us to have a child naturally." I don't mince words with people because if they ask, then they're going to get a straight answer and have to deal with the fact that it's not the norm.

ebat · April 2009

I usually say "not today" it works for a variety of questions and doesn't invite more commentary

qtpa2t · April 2009

I actually don't think it's inappropriate to answer the question honestly. ?Certainly a "it's not easy for everyone" isn't terribly confrontational and gets the point across. ?Bottom line, it's a rude question.

SigmundsGirl · April 2009

My last answer to this question was "As soon as I know you will be the first person I tell." That usually gets people to shut up.

A girl at my office who can do nothing but talk about babies since she had her baby over a year ago asked and I told her "Well, we have been trying for over a year and have no idea when it will happen." I thought that would shut her up, but instead she wanted to discuss it. Like she knew the answers and I must need guidance from her.

Some people are clueless.