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2nd Trimester
DH is such an A-hole
I told DH about a month after I got pregnant that I would try my best to "take care of him" as best as possible and that I didn't want him looking at stuff on the internet and "taking care of" himself. He said okay and since he doesn't ever delete the history on the computer I always check it and he hasn't been doing it. Well, last night, I made a nice steak dinner and had planned on a little fun afterwards and then people started coming over unannounced after we were done eating and none of my planned events happened. Well, he asked me if he could have something before we went to bed and I told him no but that he could get some today because I was just so tired last night. He said okay and I said I was sorry because I want to keep him happy. He said I do make him happy and that I shouldn't think that way and I told him that I didn't want him to have to "take care of himself" and he said that he hadn't been and that he could wait until today. Well I knew that he didn't come to bed when I did because he can never go to sleep that early. I decided to check the computer history after he left for work and sure enough....PORN. That pissed me off sooooooo bad!!! I sent him a text this morning telling me how offensive that was to me and how crappy it made me feel and all he said was, "I didn't even get off." WTF??!! Why look at it then?? What an a-hole. I wish for one week that he could have his stomach protruding from his body and feel as unattractive as I and let me look at porn instead of looking at him and see how he feels.
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Re: DH is such an A-hole
Take a deep breathe and relax. Did you always feel this way or is just since being pregnant??
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Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
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But I wouldn't get my panties in a bunch over the porn issue. I am aware that some times my husband looks at porn. He would rather have me, but if I wasn't in the mood for a while, I don't blame him for looking at it.
All men look at porn....it happens
I can see why you would be upset....so sorry you're having to deal with that!
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)
I tell my husband to go for it. He loves me whether I have sex with him or not - it sounds like you feel that is your "duty" as a wife. Hell no, not when you are so tired and feel like crap. I bet we haven't had sex in 6 weeks (mostly due to previous doctor ordered pelvic rest and now we're scared that we'll start spotting again). He can feel free to take care of himself - more sleep time for me!
Just that your husband "asks" for some annoys me, he needs to take how you feel into consideration.
This. Now I will say that I can see why you would be upset, especially if you are uncomfortable with your changing body, but really...breathe, and relax.
I'm sorry that you are upset, but I can't say I relate to what you are feeling. It doesn't bother me that DH occasionally looks at porn. Heck I'm tired and just don't have the energy but I know he still has urges. It would be different if he was turning me down for porn, but that doesn't happen.
Has porn always bothered you or just since getting pregnant?
I think you are being too hard on her.
Uhhh... Definitely some security issues going on here.
Seriously?
I'm just going to ditto this so I don't say something "offensive"...
Nope they dont actually. I'm not saying "all men" haven't seen it at some point in their lives, but not all men like porn. Just saying.
This is not a true statement. Not ALL men look at porn. Do you believe the sterotypes about all kinds of people? Do you also think that ALL women have (or should have) the same reaction to the porn debate? People are individuals, even men.
I feel bad for your DH, too.
People have needs. Can you imagine being in the mood all of the time only for your wife to tell you that you can't have sex AND you can't masterbate. That's just cruel.
I'm not saying that you should have sex with him if you don't want to, but don't shame him if the man needs to get off.
This.
My thoughts exactly.
I don't like the idea of my husband getting aroused by other women. I just don't. And I can see why you're upset - you put a lot of effort into that evening and the end result was... well... disappointing to put it mildly. So I'd be upset too, but at the same time realize that if DH is used to a certain pace, it may be hard for him to slow down all of a sudden...
Good luck
Edit: 15 times this weekend is "not taking care of him"?!?!?!?!?!
Yeah, I'm going to ditto that disbelief. If you had said a somewhat reasonable number for 2 days worth of sex, I would have believed you.
Something similar happened to me when I was about 18wks along. I was in a "disgusting" phase, where I didn't want sex and I just felt gross. We had a dry spell and I felt SO guilty for it that I started having sex with him even though I wasn't really into it.
One night he just couldn't get off and I started getting really insecure about it and I finally asked him point blank-did you masturbate today? (He had the day off work) He said no and I kept hounding him and he kept denying it until 20 minutes later he fessed up. Yes, he did. Normally I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Boys need to release, so let them release. But don't LIE to me about it.
I was hormonal, unable to orgasm, insecure, fat, and he goes and lied to me. I was pissed off! We didn't talk the rest of the night.
So, try to cut your DH a break. Just b/c he was looking at it doesn't mean he doesn't want you. Maybe he was bored? If I were you, I would apologize and talk to him about why it made you so upset.
And stop looking at his comp history. That just screams insecurity and craziness. Trust your husband! Afterall- you trusted him enough to marry and have a child with him.
exactly.
plus, masterbation is natural and healthy. its not like he is a sick freak or anything....promise.
I can understand being upset by the porn on the computer, actually. Though I would be upset because generally online porn costs money and can leave your computer open to viruses and Spammers.
However, to ask a man to NOT "take care of himself" is asking too much. Men masturbate. Women do, too. Though I don't think as often as men. And it's natural ? even if married ? and to ask him to forgo is asking too much, IMO.
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Men are going to be men. As much as we long for emotional support, men always long for physical pleasures. Not saying it is ok to look at porn. At this point you know you are pregnant, you need to be stable and calm. Why do you have to go and look at his history? It is only going to stress YOU out. Can you change what your DH does...I dont think so.
I know it is hard to understand why some men do these things....unless it is like an addiction, I believe there is no problem. He should be smart enough to clean up his tracks and you should let yourself be calm and stable at this point. BTW my DH and I haven't had sex since Nov 08. He doesn't complain or get restless. He occasionally brings it up but we both know it is for the baby we keep away. I had 2 losses before and we dont want to aggravate anything at this point. I do know my DH is going through a tough phase for him but isn't it what marriageand relations are about.
Please relax and do not check his computer history. let him be. You and your baby need you to be stress free.
This is a sad stereotype. It frees men up to feel okay betraying their wives. Not everyone is doing it.
That said, I want to say to the OP that I'm sorry for the responses you have gotten. Clearly you are upset over this. Porn or not, he specifically went against your wishes and broke a promise to you. I won't even get into the porn issue because obviously everyone has their own view on it. However, what I think you need to address with him first is that he told you he wouldn't and you trusted him. He needs to understand that each time he breaks a promise like this (and one that means so much to you), he makes it harder and harder for you to trust him. My question is, why does he feel like he can completely disregard you and your feelings for his own selfish satisfaction? He probably doesn't see it as betrayal or breaking your trust - but I bet that if you sat down with him tonight and calmly explained it to him, he might get it through his thick head.
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I feel the need to check because he has lied about it before and I don't check it all the time....usually I only check the history if I need to go back and find a site that I had previously looked at for school or something else. But this morning, I just had a feeling as he had left his shorts laying in front of the computer desk. I understand that men have needs...but why lie about it and say you don't need it and that you can wait one freaking day but then go ahead and do it anyways. It isn't as though I am unwilling and I don't feel that it is my "duty". I enjoy sex too but I can't do it every night!