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Let's talk about porn

InsyNCurtisInsyNCurtis
in Trying to Get Pregnant

Ok my BFF is threatening to leave her DH because he wants to look at porn with and without her. Porn is not an issue in my marriage... DH and I look together and I know he looks without me. I know that I will never look like most of these women but I also know who he goes to bed with every night.

She is very insecure and thinks that because he wants to look, he doesnt find her attractive. I feel for her insecurities but I also feel bad for him. She is always going behind him and checking his "history" on the computer and then freaks out on him if there is anything porn related.

Yes, I would be hurt if my DH was doing things like this behind my back and trying to hide it from me but I also know that her DH cant do anything without her accusing him of something.

Anyway... the point is - Is porn an issue in your house? How would/do/have you deal with this?

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Re: Let's talk about porn

  • corgidogscorgidogs
    Porn isnt a issue in my house, we dont look, but if we do, we do it together. I am insecure though so it might bother me.
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  • MaryEllenMaryEllen member

    Not an issue - but then again, we barely watch together yet alone by ourselves.

    I think she needs to decide if losing her husband is worth dealing with him having a few fantasies. I say it's not. However, if it really bothers her and she tells him how it makes her feel and how it hurts her, he should take that into consideration and stop looking alone. If he doesn't, porn seems more important to him than their relationship.

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  • *Bee**Bee*
    Not an issue.  I used to get upset when DH would look, but I used to be more high-strung in general.  I really could care less what he looks at and we've watched together.
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  • Starlight1111Starlight1111 member
    Porn is not an issue in our house. He can look at it whenever he wants, either with me or without.
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  • candy_mandy85candy_mandy85 member
    not an issue in our house, neither one of us looks at porn
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  • Nykki ThomastonNykki Thomaston
    Not an issue- neither of us watches it.
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  • BcbscorpBcbscorp member

    It's not an issue in our house. DH isnt a porn-a-holic, he knows Im always open for business and I have encouraged him to use my facilities. Beyond that, what he does or doesn't look at changes nothing about how he feels about me!

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  • mooetamooeta member
    Porn isn't an issue in our house.  We both look at it together and separately.  We love porn and feel it adds some excitement to our relationship.  I'm looking at porn right now.
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  • skinnursemandeeskinnursemandee member
    Porn isnt an issue in our home, we rarely watch it together because frankly it does nothing for me.  If DH wants to watch it then fine, I just wont condone him lying about it.  If I know then I  dont care.
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  • Abc15379Abc15379 member
    Ah, porn. My favorite debate topic. No, it is not an issue in our house. We look at it together, but mostly cause I like it. Hell, I probably look at it more than DH does. He could care less. I don't think porn really has to do with who you're attracted to. I don't find myself attracted to the men in porn, I am just very visually stimulated. This could be the case with your friend's man.
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  • atangiblewishatangiblewish member
    it isn't an issue in our house. I don't think DH watches it. He does get Playboy in the mail but that's the extent. Even if he was watching it, I could careless.?

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  • AnasaraAnasara
    We barely watch porn either separately or together; porn doesn't bother me at all.  DH watches Indian "porn" more than the American stuff which is really just a fat lady in a sari with a dude rubbing himself all over her.  I LMAO @ it.
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  • InsyNCurtisInsyNCurtis

    imageAbc15379:
    Ah, porn. My favorite debate topic. No, it is not an issue in our house. We look at it together, but mostly cause I like it. Hell, I probably look at it more than DH does. He could care less. I don't think porn really has to do with who you're attracted to. I don't find myself attracted to the men in porn, I am just very visually stimulated. This could be the case with your friend's man.

    I enjoy porn too... I enjoy sex and everything. Like I said she has a lot of insecurities. She did just inform me that she has caught him  (by checking his internet history) looking at "singles" in their area (via the porn sites) so now she is convinced he's having an affair. Now keep in mind that post porn sites you go to have that pop-up or something of that nature.

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  • sare_bearsare_bear

    I got upset when I found out DH looked at porn.  He wasn't very honest about it either, which made it worse.  We talked about it and he understands why it bothers me and luckily respects me enough to not do it anymore. 

    I think each person is different, it just made me some what insecure about myself (which is not cool).  I want to know that all he needs is his hot sexy wife Wink  I think it also made him feel sort of guilty for "lusting" over someone else.

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  • Abc15379Abc15379 member
    imageAnasara:
    We barely watch porn either separately or together; porn doesn't bother me at all.  DH watches Indian "porn" more than the American stuff which is really just a fat lady in a sari with a dude rubbing himself all over her.  I LMAO @ it.
    That sounds AMAZING. Sign me up.
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  • calex33calex33
    Porn isn't an issue in our house. ?I know DH looks at it and it doesn't bother me at all. ?I'll look from time-to-time. ?
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  • ToshaGirlToshaGirl member

    imageAnasara:
    DH watches Indian "porn" more than the American stuff which is really just a fat lady in a sari with a dude rubbing himself all over her.  I LMAO @ it.

    ::perks up::

    Do tell.

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  • a.gravesa.graves member

    While we are TTC I have asked him not to look at porn. But besides that porn is not an issue in our house. I know he looks at it and I am ok with it.

    I don't think porn is something to threaten to leave someone over. I am sorry your BFF is that insecure. I would just tell her DH to clear the history when he is done. That way she doesn't freak out. 

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  • eclipsed823eclipsed823
    Not an issue here at all.  We watch it together and alone.  Not a biggie.
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  • Abc15379Abc15379 member
    imageInsyNCurtis:

    imageAbc15379:
    Ah, porn. My favorite debate topic. No, it is not an issue in our house. We look at it together, but mostly cause I like it. Hell, I probably look at it more than DH does. He could care less. I don't think porn really has to do with who you're attracted to. I don't find myself attracted to the men in porn, I am just very visually stimulated. This could be the case with your friend's man.

    I enjoy porn too... I enjoy sex and everything. Like I said she has a lot of insecurities. She did just inform me that she has caught him  (by checking his internet history) looking at "singles" in their area (via the porn sites) so now she is convinced he's having an affair. Now keep in mind that post porn sites you go to have that pop-up or something of that nature.

    Yes! yes they do. I just closed one, and I haven't looked at porn on here since...yesterday. lol. I get them in my email too. It's no red flag.
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  • AnasaraAnasara
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0Z7LClSKfU&feature=related
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  • nova & paulnova & paul member
    We watch it together and apart:)
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  • mooetamooeta member
    I think that being in the situation sucks.  I think banning or making a subject unapproachable makes it easy for dishonesty and half truths to happen and people feeling like they've been betrayed.  Be open and understanding, and you'll never find yourself in this situation.
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  • Goober2000Goober2000 member

    imageAbc15379:
    Ah, porn. My favorite debate topic. No, it is not an issue in our house. We look at it together, but mostly cause I like it. Hell, I probably look at it more than DH does. He could care less. I don't think porn really has to do with who you're attracted to. I don't find myself attracted to the men in porn, I am just very visually stimulated. This could be the case with your friend's man.

    Ditto. But Insy, if he is checking out the singles sites I would be worried.

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  • Goober2000Goober2000 member

    imageAbc15379:
    Ah, porn. My favorite debate topic. No, it is not an issue in our house. We look at it together, but mostly cause I like it. Hell, I probably look at it more than DH does. He could care less. I don't think porn really has to do with who you're attracted to. I don't find myself attracted to the men in porn, I am just very visually stimulated. This could be the case with your friend's man.

    Ditto.

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  • christykellchristykell
    Well this is a juicy little topic! I'm gonna throw in my 2 cents. We don't watch porn together but my hubs certainly enjoys it on his own as do I on occasion. Men are visual creatures by nature so IMO porn has pretty much nothing to do with a guy wanting his wife to look/be like those woman. It's a means to an end. I mean, if a guys is giving a semen sample, the room at the doctor's office is certainly equipped with lots of porn. My guess is that women ever had to give the equivalent of a semen sample the room would come equipped with a vibrator and wine. LOL Men and woman are stimulated differently, that's just nature's design.
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  • officers_girlofficers_girl

    It isn't an issue in our house either. We watch it together and separately. We're all human and we all have fantasies. It doesn't mean that we don't love the one we're with.

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  • InsyNCurtisInsyNCurtis

    Thank you ladies... I would be worried if MH was looking at singles sites but as I pointed out earlier, when you visit a porn site, you will get those. I dont know if he is taking it further than that or not.

    I am trying to share some of this with her but she just isn't getting it... I'm at a loss.

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  • MrsC08MrsC08 member
    No issue here either. But I do have a friend who just left her husband b/c of it. It wasn't just "normal" porn though - apparently it was some pretty disturbing stuff and when she tried to talk to him about it, he would lie to her and then do it behind her back.
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  • InsyNCurtisInsyNCurtis

    imageMrsC08:
    No issue here either. But I do have a friend who just left her husband b/c of it. It wasn't just "normal" porn though - apparently it was some pretty disturbing stuff and when she tried to talk to him about it, he would lie to her and then do it behind her back.

    Eek... he has been looking behind her back but I kinda understand why. She is my best friend and I love her to death but she definitely has some issues. I think he thinks he is doing the right thing by not bringing her into it... I don't know.

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  • laralynnlaralynn

    imagemooeta:
    I think that being in the situation sucks.  I think banning or making a subject unapproachable makes it easy for dishonesty and half truths to happen and people feeling like they've been betrayed.  Be open and understanding, and you'll never find yourself in this situation.

    Well said, moo!

    It's not an issue in our house.  We watch it together and separately.  Hell, DH will even email me something if he thinks I'll enjoy it!   

     

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  • MrsMAFMrsMAF member
    We've watched it together, and he's watched it alone...he's open about it and it doesnt happen regularly so it doesnt bother me...
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  • KK2004KK2004 member
    Porn is not an issue in our house.  DH looks with me and sometimes without me.  To me, marriage is all about trust and if you don't have that, what is left?
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  • Calypso312Calypso312
    imageInsyNCurtis:

    Thank you ladies... I would be worried if MH was looking at singles sites but as I pointed out earlier, when you visit a porn site, you will get those. I dont know if he is taking it further than that or not.

    I am trying to share some of this with her but she just isn't getting it... I'm at a loss.

    But if this is a subject that truely hurts her, then she is not going to get it.  I do not like porn and I don't want DH watching porn. I just feel like it's disrespectful to me, and that is my own personal opinion. I don't judge anyone else for liking porn...that is your business. I don't understand it, however. Personally, I do feel like porn is something to leave over and DH and I have had this issue in the past and he understands now that if porn is in the house he will lose his family.

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  • Lexi0402Lexi0402 member
    I agree with pp, it would be an issue if he were trolling the singles listings. DH doesn't watch porn, so it isn't really an issue for us. I remember in high school I got really mad at my then-boyfriend for watching porn, but nowadays, it wouldn't bother me. It's how I learned some good techniques!
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  • Orchard27Orchard27 member
    Porn is not an issue in our home-- we don't watch it a lot, but it's not unheard of to watch it alone or together.  I'm more likely to read erotica, but I don't know if people who are uncomfortable/insecure about visual porn have a similar reaction to word porn. 
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  • MrsDTMrsDT member
    imageCalypso312:
    imageInsyNCurtis:

    Thank you ladies... I would be worried if MH was looking at singles sites but as I pointed out earlier, when you visit a porn site, you will get those. I dont know if he is taking it further than that or not.

    I am trying to share some of this with her but she just isn't getting it... I'm at a loss.

    But if this is a subject that truely hurts her, then she is not going to get it.  I do not like porn and I don't want DH watching porn. I just feel like it's disrespectful to me, and that is my own personal opinion. I don't judge anyone else for liking porn...that is your business. I don't understand it, however. Personally, I do feel like porn is something to leave over and DH and I have had this issue in the past and he understands now that if porn is in the house he will lose his family.

    This is how I feel. It would upset me if my husband was looking at porn, I just feel like he has me, why does he need to look at strangers? He did look at it some while we were dating but he was completely honest with me about it, and I expressed my opinion about it and he understands. But even if he looked at it now its not something I'd LEAVE him over- thats a bit extreme IMO

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  • miss.maymiss.may
    Yeah not an issue for us. DH watches porn for no reason besides he's online (I think that must be the reason sometimes), I laugh at him about it, and sometimes watch together. I get why people don't like it though.
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  • hainesherwayhainesherway

    We watch porn together from time to time, and separately sometimes as well.

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  • Dr.GoogleDr.Google
    The few of you who think your DH doesn't look at / watch porn without you... image
    HELLO.
    image
    Wash that thang!
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