Take two: How did you know when you were ready?

kat81 · March 2009

I wrote an impossibly long post last night asking for advice on when I should start TTC.

I'll ask the question another way -- how did you know when you were ready to have a baby? Did you just decide that you were one day? Was it an emotional decision ("I just know I want one!") or a practical one ("now we have enough money and a house and we're getting old")?

In my case, my husband and I have been together for 9 years and we both really want kids, but there is always something more that we could do to "be ready" in the practical sense. If we were to wait until we were truly "ready," we'd probably have fertility issues and we definitely will have missed out on years of our children's lives (i.e. maybe too old to get to know any grandchildren.)

How does one weigh these concerns when deciding whether or not to have a baby?

staycee · March 2009

kat81:

If we were to wait until we were truly "ready," we'd probably have fertility issues

waiting doesn't necessarily up the chances of fertility issues. How old are you?

crownedbee · March 2009

If everyone waited until they were 100% ready to have kids, no one would ever procreate. There will always be a reason to not have a child.

WinsyWade · March 2009

If you have to ask a bunch of internet strangers twice in less that 24 hours, maybe you need to re-evaluate the situation.

Abc15379 · March 2009

I think I remember your post last night, and most of the responses were something to the effect of: If you have to ask strangers on a message board, you are probably not ready. Everyone is ready at a different time, and what makes one couple ready, doesn't necessarily work for another.

Some may say they wanted to own a house, or have a certain income, whereas that may not be important to others. It's all about your priorities, and when YOU feel ready. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

Mrs.C042807 · March 2009

Go back and read your thread from last night.

buckin · March 2009

::le sigh::

Hmm

liz_e34 · March 2009

I think what everyone has already said is pretty accurate. Everyone is different and all that jazz.

We are waiting for a number of reasons. Changes in careers, and wanting to spend a little more time with just the two of us. We are emotionally ready, but have decided it's best for us to wait.

You and your husband will have to make that decision for yourselves, and if you don't feel ready then wait. Easy as that.

oh-zysbaby · March 2009

and, back to this...

::everyoneisdifferentmakeyourowndecisionslikeabiggirldust::

SaranJonathan · March 2009

You said it. There is always a reason not to have a baby. Just look at it when the reasons to have a baby outweigh the ones not to.. But as for us I dont know a reason not to. Only selfish ones like I want to travel more, etc. But we are all about taking bean with us anywhere we may travel to.

Anyways we both have stable jobs, great health insurance, a nice home and we have set our goal of 20k in the bank. So thats us. You really need to discuss that with DH though. Your goals will obviously be different than another couples ideas.

*Bee* · March 2009

What made you think you'd get more satisfying answers on the same exact message board less than 24 hours later??

Emie28 · March 2009

I think this is a decision you need to make for yourselves.

However, in our situation, we just knew we were ready. It is hard to explain beyond that. We will do ok in terms of supporting an addition to our family. Could we have more $$ saved up for it? Yes, but we have saved some and when is it really ever enough? (beyond winning the lottery)

In terms of lifestyle, we are pretty boring people. LOL, we don't get out much. However, when you have a child your lifestyle is going to change no matter what. You will have to mold your life around your child.

We didn't do a whole lot of weighing our concerns. We just knew when it was the right time.

AndysGrl08 · March 2009

Personally I see something baby and yearn for a child of my own. I know emotionally I am ready, and I know rationally we are as ready as we are going to go in terms of finances, etc. I knew the minute little things started to sting at me that I wanted to have a child; that I was ready. Now I am impatiently waiting for my rational half (DH) to be ready as well. *sigh*

Dr.Google · March 2009

It just seems like all my friends have babies and I didn't want to be left out anymore.

whitem21 · March 2009

First, please ignore some of the rude responses such as "what made you think you'd get a better response 24 hr later". That is really insensitive. This is a serious question and you really need to talk it out with your spouse.

You will always find a reason not to have a baby, it will change your life, but so did marraige, so did graduating college. There is always a reason not to do anything, sometimes you must ignore those reasons and take the plunge.

Think about your motivations for wanting a baby, write it down. maybe you even need to address yoru fears. Perhaps you'll discover you don't have practical reasons/fears for putting this off. Perhaps you'll discover it's as simple as fearing a loss of lifestyle, romance, self. Maybe you have the impression that your lives will become 100% about the baby and you'll loose your relationship with each other...don't fret, you make the deicision to bring a child into YOUR lives, not the opposite. You will still travel, you'll just make arrangements for day care at the resort, or bring a gramma along--your MIL or mother may really enjoy this!

Good luck!

WinsyWade · March 2009

whitem21:

First, please ignore some of the rude responses such as "what made you think you'd get a better response 24 hr later". That is really insensitive. This is a serious question and you really need to talk it out with your spouse.

You will always find a reason not to have a baby, it will change your life, but so did marraige, so did graduating college. There is always a reason not to do anything, sometimes you must ignore those reasons and take the plunge.

Think about your motivations for wanting a baby, write it down. maybe you even need to address yoru fears. Perhaps you'll discover you don't have practical reasons/fears for putting this off. Perhaps you'll discover it's as simple as fearing a loss of lifestyle, romance, self. Maybe you have the impression that your lives will become 100% about the baby and you'll loose your relationship with each other...don't fret, you make the deicision to bring a child into YOUR lives, not the opposite. You will still travel, you'll just make arrangements for day care at the resort, or bring a gramma along--your MIL or mother may really enjoy this!

Good luck!

If you put the posts in decending order, her post from last night is STILL on this page. I think I read it this morning as well. The same people frequent this board. People that are regulars get a little irritated if someone keeps posting the same question they've already answered with a sincere response.

horizon1322 · March 2009

Since it seems like you are going to keep posting this until you get personal anecdotes:

DH and I are ready emotionally, financially, etc. However, I'm still in grad school so we're planning on waiting to start TTC until the fall of my last year. We knew we wanted to be young(ish) parents so we knew we didn't want to wait until we were in our 30s to try for our first. My longing for having a child of my own has gotten so strong that it makes me depressed sometimes that we are choosing to wait so long (made worse by the fact that DH wants to start now), but we know it'll be easier to raise a family once I'm done with school.

ScottsNLove · March 2009

Be careful what you post on some of these walls. Many of us women are very emotionally driven to TTC and pregnancy in general. Because of it, some are not able to understand why someone would have to ask ?how do you know when you are ready?? But, it is a perfectly logical question. It?s good that you are weighing your options; you want to be responsible. I commend you for that. Too many women become pregnant haphazardly, not taking into consideration that being a mom is more than a ?want to get pregnant.? Don?t let anyone make you feel bad for asking questions such as these. I knew that I was ready when I realized that every part of me wanted to be a mom, physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc. When ever I see a baby, I can?t help but feel a bit envious of the women who have such a blessing. And I am not an envious person!! My husband is also very eager to become a dad. We are financially stable, but we aren?t wealthy by any means. We make things work. My biggest fear was that between grad school, work, and marriage?how would I have time to be a mom? But you come to the realization that you will make it work. Just as your husband is your #1 priority and you juggle everything else with him in mind, you will do the same for your baby. Have faith!!! You will know when you are ready. I posed the same question a few months ago and some women chewed me up and spit me out. They made me feel horrible. And you know what, shame on them! I was just looking for a little support and companionship! Just like you. Good Luck when the time is right!!

Mrs_Liberto · March 2009

whitem21:
First, please ignore some of the rude responses such as "what made you think you'd get a better response 24 hr later". That is really insensitive. This is a serious question and you really need to talk it out with your spouse.

First, please find the exit and make your way through it. We get oversensitive 2-post prima donnas around here on an HOURLY basis. You can kindly STFU until you've been around long enough to have a clue what you're talking about.

OP. Go read your other (extraordinarily long) post and the VERY HELPFUL answers you received there. You aren't going to get any different answers just because your repost the same thing 24 hours later. This is not a question that internet strangers can help you figure out. Talk to your husband.

Mrs_Liberto · March 2009

ScottsNLove:
I posed the same question a few months ago and some women chewed me up and spit me out. They made me feel horrible. And you know what, shame on them! I was just looking for a little support and companionship!

You asked the same question, got REALISTIC answers, and got your panties in a wad about it. Why are you back if you didn't like it before?

WinsyWade · March 2009

ScottsNLove:
Too many women become pregnant haphazardly, not taking into consideration that being a mom is more than a ?want to get pregnant.?

Excuse me, Scotts but I charted for 13 months while my husband was overseas in order to "know" my body and get ready to TTC. This was NOT a haphazard pg. As with most of the women on this board, we all are TRYING to concieve. Whether that means by foregoing BC or taking other measures to create a life such as OPKs, charting, and other methods.

Please know your audience. The ladies on BOTB and myself are NOT highschool girls that got knocked up in the back of a pick up truck.

Mrs_Liberto · March 2009

WinsyWade:
ScottsNLove:
Too many women become pregnant haphazardly, not taking into consideration that being a mom is more than a ?want to get pregnant.?

Excuse me, Scotts but I charted for 13 months while my husband was overseas in order to "know" my body and get ready to TTC. This was NOT a haphazard pg. As with most of the women on this board, we all are TRYING to concieve. Whether that means by foregoing BC or taking other measures to create a life such as OPKs, charting, and other methods.

Please know your audience. The ladies on BOTB and myself are NOT highschool girls that got knocked up in the back of a pick up truck.

Well said, Winsy. Scotts, that's a pretty damn stupid thing to say on this board. Many of us have been trying for years to get pg.

tri047 · March 2009

Abc15379:
I think I remember your post last night, and most of the responses were something to the effect of: If you have to ask strangers on a message board, you are probably not ready. Everyone is ready at a different time, and what makes one couple ready, doesn't necessarily work for another.
Some may say they wanted to own a house, or have a certain income, whereas that may not be important to others. It's all about your priorities, and when YOU feel ready. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

This.

liz_e34 · March 2009

ScottsNLove:
Be careful what you post on some of these walls. Many of us women are very emotionally driven to TTC and pregnancy in general. Because of it, some are not able to understand why someone would have to ask ?how do you know when you are ready??

Wha?? I'm pretty sure everyone understands the question. Give me a break.

kat81 · March 2009

staycee:
kat81:

If we were to wait until we were truly "ready," we'd probably have fertility issues

waiting doesn't necessarily up the chances of fertility issues. How old are you?

I'm soon to be 28. I had that info in my old post (that I've tried to delete) but it was too long for people here. Anyway, I'm worried about waiting until the career is stable, because I think I will be majorly pushing the body clock deadline. I know people have children in their late 30s and 40s, but I'd rather not be starting then. I can wait a few years, but waiting until I "have more time" is a lost cause.

Anna&Matt · March 2009

In short only you and your DH can know if you're ready.?

FWIW both DH and I have pretty intense careers and work 60+ hours a week now but we have already decided that once we have a baby my career will be the one to go by the wayside to make time/room for the kids.

Our other goals were get out of debt, save X amount, accomplish some of our personal goals and go on one last big trip. My advice - make a pros/cons list and stare at it for a while. You'll know when the time is right.?

Mrs.Wifey318 · March 2009

WinsyWade:
If you have to ask a bunch of internet strangers twice in less that 24 hours, maybe you need to re-evaluate the situation.

This....we cannot tell you when you will be ready to have kids, no matter how many ways you ask us.

Want a personalized experience?

Take two: How did you know when you were ready?

Re: Take two: How did you know when you were ready?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards