I REALLY need some advice.....

karagirly · March 2009

Ok here is the story. My daughter is now 20 months old. Dadd yworks full time and I work part time out of my home but my job does not enable me to watched my little girl from 10-3. So i had hired my next door neighbor who is also a good friend for 4 of those days and my MIL would come for 1. My daughter has known everyone since birth who has watched her and the situation had seemed ideal....However both my MIL and my neighbor have not been completely reliable. My neighbor because she has a tot of her own and if her and him get sick she has to bail on me and then my MIL because if it should rain or snow on her day she bails too. I have had to use much of my sick/vaca days and my husband had even arranged to work from home a few times to cover but his boos didnt like it too much.

So my husband has now pretty much damanded we put her in a daycare center now. This is at 20 months old remember. She is talking a little but still cannot comprehend alot. Im SO worried about leaving her at this age and her feeling abandoned or betrayed. My MIL ironically made a point of saying she is too young and I should not be doing this but cmon, I dont really have a choice when everyone else has been so unreliable. Not to mention i was paying cash and not writing it off (thats just an added thing though). Money is not an issue when it comes to her care.

So I enrolled her already and paid first month and having serious second thoughts. She starts next week. What if this damages her strong security she has now that we have taken the care to establish?? what happenes on that first day when she turns around and realizes there is noone she knows there???

Im just so upset over this and need encouragement from parents who have put their child in daycare between the ages 18-24 months!

Thank you!

Laroogirl · March 2009

Sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have any advice regarding daycare, but I can relate to unreliable family caregivers. We essentially had to fire my MIL because she kept cancelling last minute. FIL stepped up and watches DS 1-2 days per week now.

One thing that is a plus about daycare is the interaction with other children and the structure. I wish DS was around more children his age. He loves playing and watching kids so I know he would like that. It will be a transition for your DD, but she will get used to it.

Good luck!

SparklyCutie · March 2009

It is so hard getting over the fact that someone else will watch them. But honestly I lost sleep over taking her to DC, and she did wonderful!! Mind you the first couple of weeks were easy for her, the 2nd and 3rd week, were tough, and now she is fine! She waves at DH when he drops her off, and I pick her off. She has really done quite well. I know she is well taken care of, I can call when I want, and they tell me everything that went on during the day there. She may have a hard time at first, but as long as it becomes a part of her routine, she'll love playing with the children, and like you say, you need somewhere you can rely on. It will be hard for everyone (especially the parents...i think it's worse on us, then them!), but once you are all used to it, then it's great. Is it a well known center...do you know other children that are going there? Is it close-by, those were the main things for us, when we picked the center for DD.

DevonPow · March 2009

DS started daycare (2 days a week) at 17 months old - prior to that he had a nanny one day a wek (and was used to going to the gym daycare a few days a week).

He LOVES it - has never had a problem with drop off (in fact, the issue we have now is that he throws a tantrum when it is time to come home!). He looks at it like a day long play date, he loves it.

We eased him into it - one day he did a few hours while I stayed with him, then he did some half days without me, then moved to full days. He adores his friends and asks for them all the time when we are not there. He gets to do a lot of fun crafts, music. and gross motor play that is just not as feasible at home. It has helped with his langauge, his group skills (sharing, etc), and I personally think it is always good for kids to get used to people other than family taking care of them.

I know it is hard, but DS's daycare has been such a great experience for him. Your DD will be fine!

Taylor44 · March 2009

Ok, I haven't been in this situation because my son has been in DC since he was three months old. He goes PT, 3 days a week. But, I am not certain what your concern is. My personal opinion is that it isn't easier or harder at a certain age. The fact that your daughter has been exposed to other care should make the transition easier. The thing about DC is that there are other children their age in their classroom. They have so much fun with the other children and all their activities, the time passes quickly. Now I am not saying it won't be hard, but I think it may be harder on the parents than it is on the child. Definitely give it a chance, and don't get too upset the first few weeks. If after one month, you still have regrets or concerns, then maybe you can look into other options. GL, I am sure your daughter will enjoy it. My son loves going to school (we call it school instead of DC).

*speedracer* · March 2009

she's going to have a great time in daycare. try not to worry.

karagirly · March 2009

I just want to say ..thank you thank you!!!! I cannot tell you how much better you all made me feel!

HeatherAA · March 2009

DD started day care at 9 months. It was an adjustment for both of us, but she loves it!!! She had a friend in her infant class but she left him behind to move to the next classroom. She absolutely loves it! Where DD goes is great because there are 6 kids in the class and 2 teachers....she, of course, is the only girl! She's only there 3 days a week. I can't tell you how excited I get when I see the projects that she does at school...her Irish flag is hanging on my fridge! Don't feel guilty. It will be tough in the beginning, but she will get used to it. You will also benefit by meeting some of the parents of the children in her class. It will be good for her to be with kids her own age. GOOD LUCK!!!

Mattersgirl · March 2009

Does DD interact with other children regularly? I actually considered putting DD in daycare just so she can play with other kids. I work part time and DH works full time, our schedules just work so one of us is always home with her or my mom or his mom watches DD on the weekends so we can work whenever.

DD LOVES playing with other kids so much and she's only 13 months. I was thinking part time daycare would be fun for her.

It is getting warmer out so your mom might be available more?? so she can just go a few days of your schedule?

blushado · March 2009

The fact that you took such care in establishing a good, strong sense of security is going to be what prevents any damage from being done, provided that the daycare you selected is an appropriate one.

Make sure that your daycare has lower ratios and attentive teachers and perhaps even slowly introduce your DD to the environment. With my DD, I took her one day and just hung out for a few hours with her to help her get acclimated. When her first "solo" day came, we had a few tears when I left but otherwise she did great. And if your DD does ever look around and see no one familiar, she will be okay because she will know that you will come back for her and she will trust that you have picked out good people to watch her in your absence.

My DD is younger than yours, but she loves the social aspect and enjoys being around all the kids. They have so much planned for her in the few hours she's there that time passes by quickly.

Good luck!

livinitup · March 2009

My DD adjusted wonderfully to child care and really enjoys it. I spent a good amount of time with her while she was there and it sounds like you have that option. You could easily drop her off at 8 am and leave at 9:30.

At most, DD sorta cried when I left ... while she was feeding herself fistfulls of breakfast .. not the most sincere form of angst.

Last week, my DH dropped off DD and at 14 months she ran over to another child care tot and screamed in glee ... while the other child ran over and screamed in glee - and locked hands - looks like they found friends.

For all of your imagined 'what ifs' where she doesn't know anyone .. she could just as easily have a 'what it' where she really likes it there. And that would be okay, too.

mishy611 · March 2009

Like everyone else said, the kid will be fine after a few weeks. You, on the other hand, will stress a TON during that time! DD has been in daycare since 5 months, but we switched her at 14 months to a new facility. She took it hard, and cried a lot that first week. I was freaking out, thinking how terrible a person I was to make her suffer and abandon her (I was rather over-dramatic, in retrospect). BUT, now she loves it, and in fact, each morning we ask her if she wants to go to "school" and see Miss Lauren, her teacher and she beams and says "yeah!"

I would also highly recommend you easing the transition by hanging out in the classroom together for a couple hours each day for a few days, then just leave for a few hours for several days, and work your way up to full days that way. GL!

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