Update on Josiah (or maybe me??)

peainapod123 · March 2009

I'm not quite ready to post this on my blog yet, as I'll get an onset of well meaning family members telling me I'm wrong, so I am just going to post it here.

After a huge heart to heart talk with Dh last night, we decided not to take Josiah in for another upper GI study. We were originally scheduled for this past Monday but then rescheduled for tomorrow. We won't be going tomorrow now. I feel good about this decision.

I feel like I need to let go of my "sick" baby and just learn to let him be a baby. I am fast approaching turning into the crazy mom with 10 inhalers and allergy medications just to take her kid on a stroll around the block. "Billy can't play soccer like the other kids. He's special!" I am NOT going to do that to my child. He WILL play sports (if he wants to) play outside, play in the mud, get dirty... I'm not going to be that mom. I'm just not going to do that.

Overall, Josiah's health is so much better post surgery. His weight gain is amazing. Beyond amazing really. He is over 18lbs now. Yes he has had 4 very scary episodes of vomitting since then, but 4 episodes vs. every day without stopping is HUGE improvement. Obviously if he passes out again, we will take him back to the Er (sans Dr. Stupidhead.), but for now... I'm just going to play with him, sing to him, read to him, and treat him like a NORMAL baby.

I'm going to take him to WELL baby check ups, and enjoy it. I'm going to feed him sugar at his first birthday party and think nothing of it. Lol. I think after everything that has happened he deserves to be normal. I'm terrified of letting go, and it is emotional for me. I'm scared we might be screwing him up more, but deep down, I just want to give my baby a chance to be normal. No more needles, er visits, hospital stays, etc. I have to calm down and just let him be a baby.

And... if you read this far, thank you. This was very theraputic to write.

iris427 · March 2009

GL to you and Josiah

RufflesRambo · March 2009

Good for you. Sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this and are just trying to do what is best for Josiah. I know these decisions are not easy - but you both deserve time to just enjoy each other!! GL telling your family and hugs to you both!

Marie Tourville · March 2009

You are the momma and momma's usually know what to do. Trust your gut...it rarely leads you astray. GL to you guys.

ABMcKinney · March 2009

Wait a second... you're going to give your child SUGAR??? What kind of mother are you???

Kidding I think it's good that you've decided to do this. I think it's going to lead you to be a much more relaxed mom! Hopefully he continues his awesome weight gain and stops throwing up completely.

kirbabe · March 2009

Ahhh, Ash! I got goosebumps reading this. You're a good mama!!!!!

wendyj · March 2009

It sounds like you've made a good decision for you and your family. I wish you the best - hang in there!

peainapod123 · March 2009

Thank you to everyone. You all have been so wonderful through everything. I'm sort of looking forward to maybe posting some boring questions. Fast flow nipples anyone??