NBR: brother vent- kinda long

Cass&Derek · March 2009

So since my mom passed away my brother and I have been cleaning up the house and getting it ready to be lived in. Our original plan was my bro was to move in this next week, and DH and I would move in next month when our lease was up. Bro was supposed to leave for Afganistan beginning of May, so we wouldn't actually be living with him. He just told me this past week he's most likely not going, which means we will all be living together. I can make it work living with him, but I have a problem with his gf and her kids. He often watches her kids while she's at work, and with them out of school for the summer I'm sure they'll be over a ton. And she usually stays most nights of the week with him. She's a horrible parent and her kids are out of control, and I don't want to deal with that. I talked to my bro a little about it, and hopefully we can come to some compromise cause I realize it's not fair for me to say his gf and her kids can't come over while we're living there, but personally I don't want them to be there period. I'm already going to be miserable being huge and irritable in the midst of summer without screaming children around that aren't even mine! What sucks is moving into the house would save us $800/month compared to what we pay now. We have to let our apt know in the next week if we're moving out or not, and now I don't know if it's worth it. Keep my sanity for $800/mo or be miserable but have that money saved up for our baby?

Kendall13 · March 2009

Personally, I couldn't live with ANYONE's annoying kids. Even if they were my own brother's kids I couldn't handle it if they weren't well behaved.

I'd keep your place if you can't come to an agreement beforehand.

Jamers615 · March 2009

Will you be working, or staying at home? At least if you were working, it would keep you away from the house for part of the day. Just a thought.

Personally, I'm so money hungry (I HATE having debt!!) that I would just deal. But if you're in a position where you're already making do with what you have, for your own sanity, maybe keeping your own place would be better for you. At least it sounds like your bro is willing to try to compromise!!

At1stsight · March 2009

Was the will ambiguous regarding who inherited the house? Talk this out with your brother and explain that you and DH were really looking forward to having more space with the baby coming and all. I'd just be upfront and say you're totally comfortable living together with him in the house, but you're a little wary about his gf's kids and how this might not work with an infant.

The main thing is, you shouldn't have to be the one to give up living in the house just because his gf is obnoxious and has obnoxious kids. At the same time, if you're supposed to have joint ownership of the house with your bro, he shouldn't have to forfeit it either. Try to work something out - even if it's splitting time for who's living in the house (could he have it for the summer but you guys move in in August when the baby comes and he finds an apartment for at least a while?)

Cass&Derek · March 2009

What sucks is I work nights, so unfortunately I am gone at night, but home and sleep during the day, so that too is going to be a big problem. Money wise, it would definitely be a better idea to just suck it up as both my bro and I have inherited a lot of debt fixing the house up (will be returned once we sell the house when the market *hopefully* goes back up, until then it's ours) and DH and I do plan on moving to WA after baby is born, so it would only be for 6-8 months hopefully. But that's a half year of hell. I think the logical thing is to just suck it up, come to the best agreement we can so DH and I can at least have a few days a week without chaos (until our little one comes of course) and save our money. But who is logical when your pregnant right?? RIght now I'm just so emotional over just the thought of it, letting alone having to deal with it! I guess I know what I need to do, just needed to vent a little! Thanks for being a sounding board everyone!

staycee · March 2009

set a schedule on the days GF can come over. And the other days your bro can go over to her place if he has to see her. That way you and your DH can have some set quiet time.

Cass&Derek · March 2009

We did talk about it, not extensively, so he knows my concerns, it's just a matter of deciding on set ground rules, and figuring out if DH and I can even stand it with the compromise. They have got a very screwy relationship anyhow, but unfortunately she always comes over to his place because he refuses to go to hers because she does not enforce cleaning up or behaving properly and he can't stand it. There is SO much more to the situation that I won't even start to get into, this is just the biggest part that concerns me. Unfortunately in the will it was pretty much stated we split the house in a sale, or held onto if someone wanted to live in it. But with the market the way it is, we decided it would be best to hold onto it, and when my bro was going to be overseas for a year, we didn't have these issues. It'll all work out I"m sure, just won't be as ideal as we had planned it to be.

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