Husband got a lap dance

almostasadler · March 2009

at a bachelor party last night. After we agreed that was big no no - while I sat at home alone. Seriously, your wife is pregnant and alone and is sad she cant party too and then you do this. I am steaming. I left for 6 hours and just got back and locked myself away to collect myself. What next?

*Caress* · March 2009

I can see how it can bother you being pregnant and all, but I'm sure he behaved. Don't get to worked up by it.

nerdsbride · March 2009

I vote that you drop kick him. Smile And then some more ignoring.

lovesweetlove07 · March 2009

Oh HELLLL no. I'd be livid. I'm not trying to amp you up or anything, but DH and I got into it about this about a year ago. I don't mind strip clubs...but you don't have to get a lap dance. It just made me feel like crap when I found out he got one. I'd punish him by taking yourself to the mall and buying yourself something reaal nice at his expense. Get him girl...

freeburger16 · March 2009

Did he pay for it, or did a friend buy it for him? As silly as it is, that would make a difference to me. If his friends did it for him, maybe he just went along with it. If he intentionally went out with the purpose of getting a lapdance, then I would be steaming too.

I would be upset too, since it sounds like you guys agreed that he would not be participating. - but you need to talk about it. Hash it out now rather than stewing, otherwise its just going to escalate and get worse.

Sorry you are dealing with this - your DH should have respected your wishes.

evenstar622 · March 2009

I would have to kill him!!

mjonette@gmail.com · March 2009

I would be angry, too. Especially since you had agreed beforehand that it would be a bad idea. Had he apologized? If so, you should forgive him. But if he thinks he did nothing wrong, that's another story.

guim0014 · March 2009

That would be totally unacceptable for either me or my DH to behave like that, but seeing as he already did now you have to ask yourself how you should react.

1. It is important for you and your baby's health to not get too stressed out BUT I think it is absolutely ok for you to be mad as hell.

2. I don't know what you should do or how you should act but I know when I am really f'in upset I take 24 hours before I tell myself I need to respond. Not sure if you can do that seeing as you are with him but just a thought as snap reactions may or may not fit your situation right now.

I am glad you took your break today, take care of yourself!

AngelLuver_02 · March 2009

nerdsbride:

I vote that you drop kick him. And then some more ignoring.

ditto. i would be livid, PG or not.

Temp159135562506975 · March 2009

while it would not bother me - i can see you would be upset if you talked about it before hand and he said he would not do it.

i agree- if he paid for it makes it worse than if a friend bought him one. I have been at strip clubs before and a guy friend paid to have a girl give ME a lap dance- she just came over and started doing it- it's not like i was going to push her off- you just go with it... so if that happened to him- cut him some slack.

I'm assuming he told you he got one? give him some slack for that, too- he could have lied- and you would never have known- then there's be no reason to be mad at him- so he is now getting crap from you for being honest?? That isn't giong to play out well in the future when he does something you might not be crazy about.... he'll just lie.

I'd rather my DH feel comfortable telling me the truth.... and to do that- I suggest you speak to him calmly and let him know why it hurts you - that you feel fat, isolated and can't go out and have fun, and he was out with some sexy woman dancing on him - it hurt your feelings and you wish he didn't do it- but you are glad he didn't lie... and hope in the future you guys can stay open with each other about these things- then END it. Do NOT keep bringing it back up - no matter how much it might still bother you.

you are married- so talking about it and then ending it is all you can do -- otherwise you will just make it worse by continuing to bring it up... it's not like you can/should "Punish" him - nor get a divorce over it- so you need to get over it....but make sure he understands why you are hurt.

echildre · March 2009

I'd have to agree with pp on the difference between him buying it & his friend. DH & I also have the same rule: strip clubs ok, lap dance not ok. However, he has explained that it's taken some pretty advanced tactics to avoid one if a friend buys it for you. He has been successful so far. I would give your DH some credit for telling you. Try and talk about what happened at some point because avoiding it won't make you feel better in the long run. BUT you must stay calm for the baby (I hate when people tell me this, but it's true). Maybe talk about it in a few days. It's hard being pregnant, because as often as DH says he thinks it's sexy.....I still feel like a whale

. Sorry you are dealing with this...men are still teenage boys (just older with wrinkles and an extra pound or two--not that it excuses them, it's just a fact that when you get too many of them together, their IQ decreases substantially)

CeltiCutie · March 2009

ditto the buying vs. friend buying. If he told you about it it definitely should help any "trust issues" unless he told you just to be a jerk and throw it in your face then in that case i'd say you have MUCH greater problems. but honestly a lap dance is just a lap dance. You did talk about it prior and that was not good if he did it anyway, but if it was out of his control then I would say just forgive and forget. My husband tells me lap dances are pointless. It's not that they can "do" anything. So, he had blue balls and he came home at the end of the night to you... his wife.

lilac34 · March 2009

this happened to me as well. It was my husbands bach party. For my party we went to dinner since I was preg. i was really upset it haunted me for a while. I couldnt go out and party and get silly crazy but he could and he did. He was honest with me about it so I had to cut him some slack but it doesnt take away the fact that you feel like he cheated as you sit home popping bon bons and he has some whore all over him..UGH! I completely completely feel for you. It took me a very long time to get over it and some days Ill let myself think far too much about it. He did tell me it was bought for him and he was uncomfortable (maybe he was maybe he wasn't) but know you are so much more beautiful and attractive than those girls. There is a reason they have to stoop to that level than get a hard working job that deserves respect and credit. Nothing he can say right now is going to make you feel better...just try and think of your baby bc that is what is important. I hold grudges so i am not the right person to tell you how to react do what you need to do to feel better...shop shop shop...haaaa....and def drop kick him. haaa...

mommacaz · March 2009

I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure he behaved himself.

I once went with my hubby and we got a joint lap dance....sure there are boobs in his face, but it's for fun and it was at a bachelor party.

Sucks that you can't party,but even if you wren't pregnant, it's a guys event anyway. Whenever DH goes to a bachelor party, I always assume there are boobs and nakedness...

Try your best to calm down b/c you don't want to be too stressed with baby...

sept04brideinMD · March 2009

Goldie_Locks_5:

while it would not bother me - i can see you would be upset if you talked about it before hand and he said he would not do it.

i agree- if he paid for it makes it worse than if a friend bought him one. I have been at strip clubs before and a guy friend paid to have a girl give ME a lap dance- she just came over and started doing it- it's not like i was going to push her off- you just go with it... so if that happened to him- cut him some slack.

I'm assuming he told you he got one? give him some slack for that, too- he could have lied- and you would never have known- then there's be no reason to be mad at him- so he is now getting crap from you for being honest?? That isn't giong to play out well in the future when he does something you might not be crazy about.... he'll just lie.

I'd rather my DH feel comfortable telling me the truth.... and to do that- I suggest you speak to him calmly and let him know why it hurts you - that you feel fat, isolated and can't go out and have fun, and he was out with some sexy woman dancing on him - it hurt your feelings and you wish he didn't do it- but you are glad he didn't lie... and hope in the future you guys can stay open with each other about these things- then END it. Do NOT keep bringing it back up - no matter how much it might still bother you.

you are married- so talking about it and then ending it is all you can do -- otherwise you will just make it worse by continuing to bring it up... it's not like you can/should "Punish" him - nor get a divorce over it- so you need to get over it....but make sure he understands why you are hurt.

I agree with goldie_locks. You need to talk to him, stewing will only make it worse. Remember, these days where it is just you and DH are limited. If he and you apologize, you still have a few hours of the night to salvage, perhaps a dinner at your favorite resturant will turn the afternoon/evening around. I say this only because I feel like my time with Dh is soooo precious now - it will never been "just us" again.

mommy411 · March 2009

Ya I wouldnt be upset either...look atthe situation he was in...all his buddies..they probably made a circle with the groom in the middle and then the girls went around...he probably was like ya ya whatever this is stupid...at LEAST he TOLD YOU!!!?

you cant get mad at that... my DH had a huge hall rented out and his guys got him tramps!!! he hates strippers but come on whatever...I was like I hope you like having titties in your face..hahahah he laughs but It never bothered me....he never gave me a reason to worry..He never goes out so I dont care...

I wouldnt get so upset its not the end of the world...just tell him you hope he enjoyed it!!! hahah?

manda_mullins · March 2009

freeburger16:
Did he pay for it, or did a friend buy it for him?? As silly as it is, that would make a difference to me.? If his friends did it for him, maybe he just went along with it.? If he intentionally went out with the purpose of getting a lapdance, then I would be steaming too.?
I would be upset too, since it sounds like you guys agreed that he would not be participating. ? -? but you need to talk about it.? Hash it out now rather than stewing, otherwise its just going to escalate and get worse.?
Sorry you are dealing with this - your DH should have respected your wishes. ?

?

I agree! And that is totally fvcked up of him. I would FLIP!?

aawilson · March 2009

It bothers me when people get pissed off over strip clubs, lap dances, etc.?

?I'd say if you have a relationship built on trust it shouldn't be an issue.??

SummerAshley · March 2009

Kick him in the knee cap and then stab your fingers into his eyes!

I never used to care about strip clubs, etc. until I got married. I think it's disrespectful, ESPECIALLY when you're at home pregnant! Everyone has different opinions on this subject, but I think rude and hurtful.?

manda_mullins · March 2009

aawilson:
It bothers me when people get pissed off over strip clubs, lap dances, etc.?
?I'd say if you have a relationship built on trust it shouldn't be an issue.??

?

But he violated the trust by doing it after he said he wouldn't. ?

Aprilynn0206 · March 2009

if you dont show him just how pissssssed you are... then he might do it again.. be angry as long as you want!

Madyson2006 · March 2009

And??? You knew he's going to a bachelor party...what do u expect him to do there? I don't see anything wrong with that unless you also wanted a lap dance for yourself. I would love for my husband to go out; that way atleast one of us is 'sane'. I really think you wouldn't be that mad if you weren't preg. but since you are its the hormones...so, treat yourself with something and let him know about it and am sure he'll be fine....goodluck

bamfs · March 2009

I would be SUPER mad! I can't believe that... I don't even know what to say... I would be soooooooooo angry!

TimsMayBride · March 2009

Madyson2006:
And??? You knew he's going to a bachelor party...what do u expect him to do there?

Not every guy has strippers at his bachelor party.

doozerdaisy · March 2009

It wouldn't bother me, then again I'm not the jealous type.

It's more annoying that he agreed with you that it was a bad idea and then did it. Take the anger out of your heart and tell him openly and honestly why you were hurt. At least he told you and you should acknowledge that. If you flip out everytime he tells you something that you don't want to hear, he's going to start clamming up.

Bellisimo · March 2009

That would piss me off. MH got one at his bachelor party (because his friends thought it would be funny to pay one of the nastiest strippers to give him one). The main reason why it pissed me off was because he promised he wouldn't even go to a strip club during his bachelor party. Men do all sorts of stupid things when pressured by peers....not that that excuses the behavior. I'm just saying...his friends could have put him up to it.

cdschadenfroh · March 2009

I have to say I'm entertained by some of these reponses. I bought my DH a lap dance for his bachelor party hehe!

I agree w/ many of the pp's though. Since it was agreed that he wouldn't get one then I would be upset BUT if he his friends bought it and he didn't seek it out I would let it go. Espesclly if he was honest w/ you about getting one.

I'm sorry you are upset and I hope that you are able to talk to work this out.

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