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2nd Trimester
FI vent - very long
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Re: FI vent - very long
This! Nothing enrages me more than people making excuses for parents not providing for their children because they don't like their Ex.... GROW UP... My parents were divorced and my dad paid 1000 dollars a month for me and my brother on a coal miners salary in WV.... he did what he was OBLIGATED to do as a father, it didn't matter that my mom remarried and she and my stepfather combined made 4X his salary....we were HIS CHILDREN!!!!!!
OMG! A Nancy Grace reference, I love it.
Oh my god, I have WAY BETTER hair and no drawl. I sound more british than I do southern. Oh and if I was American, I would be a democrat which I can't imagine NG is......?
Looks aside, You gave a very similar NG smack down... Or, should I say, the Red-headed version of a Nancy Grace smack down? I agree on the hair comment! And the democrat comment!
I never said that I agreed with him not paying child support. If he was, his ex wife would get it, and it would NOT go to his son at all!
I thank you ladies for all your advice. I really do. And yes, I really should have thought all of this through before getting pregnant. I think we were still in the 'honeymoon' phase of our relationship at the time.
WAIT! This is from your info:
"My FI has 2 beautiful children from his previous marriage. His daughter, Jade, is 2 1/2, and his son, Danny III, turned a year old on March 1st."
So he already has TWO KIDS? And they are one and two? Are you kidding me? LEAVE NOW. You are never going to see a dime of child support. Ever. This guy is a loser.
Sorry to be harsh but it's the truth. Two kids, doesn't pay child support, and a third on the way. Yikes!
honeymoon phase?!?!?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED YET! how the eff? ... ugh..
::walks away::
And here I was thinking you probably got pregnant by accident...but it sounds like you actually planned to have a child with a man you just recently met, with no job, no future, no home, etc. What???
He doesn't need a job.
He's got mom and dad to fall back on.
He's got a gullable girlfriend that pays for all his stuff.
The man has it made. If you want a better situation-get a better man. Otherwise, this is how the relationship will always be. Period
was he this way before you accepted his proposal? if so i'm sorry to say you have no one to blame but yourself. it's true he's exhibiting very selfish behavior and not putting you and your child first but if you've allowed him to act this way for this long then you can't expect him to be any different. i'm glad his father has set an ultimatum but if he's not even willing to talk to you about setting a plan for your future then you have accept that you intend on marrying a child, not a man. if my dh didn't own his own business he'd be sweeping the floors at mcdonalds while sending out tons of resumes. no, it's not glamorous but my husband respects me and our family enough to pull his fair share. i would have never decided to be with him if he wasn't that type of person.
i think you should probably reconsider taking the plunge if he continuously acts this way. if you think he'll get better after the baby arrives and the wedding takes place i'm sorry but you're sorely mistaken. good luck with whatever you decide to do. i really hope in any case you and your child will be taken care of.
um, yes you do agree with him not paying child support if you're willing to marry him. jesus.
I was thinking more along the lines of a vasectomy.
Chart/Blog
Nothing breeds faster than Crazy
ay yi yi.
I think people are being way too nice to you in their responses.
While I agree with the masses that your FI is a giant loser, you sitting around complaining about it isnt making it any better. Are you really that delusional that you believe the reason he doesnt pay child support is because his ex wont use it to take care of the kids? Really?
I would love to say I'm sorry you're having to deal with this too, but the reality of the situation is that you DONT have to deal with it, and you're choosing to. You mentioned that his parents told you they'd kick him out but continue to support you and your child. Are you really okay with this? If the answer is yes, you are no better than him.
I dont think that you're not really this naieve. Please, stop complaining and take charge of your life. MOVE ON. If you have to, move in with your dad until you can get on your feet. But honestly, during these times you cant just up and quit your job because you have a couple fainting spells.. especially with a baby on the way. If this means slinging fries in the back of McD's for awhile, then thats what that means.
^^^ This.
Personal responsibility.
Holy crap. How did this post get this far without a single MUD shout out?
Seriously. How much more stereotypical could she get in this post?
I agree that this is MUD.
I know, I thought that at first too - but I've seen her respond to other posts.. I think this is real.
If you guys have been together for over a year was this before or after his son was born and was he still married to his ex-wife at the time?
Ok, I didn't take the time to read through all the responses after the first page, but I clicked on your profile and read your blog and, my dear, you are a trainwreck!
First of all, your blog says that your FI has not one, but two kids from a previous marriage. That means he is already not supporting two kids. What makes you think he is going to even try to support you and a third child?
Second, in regard to getting pregnant, your blog says that you "weren't trying, but certainly weren't preventing." Why oh why on God's green earth would you not be preventing if you live with your future in-laws and neither of you have a job???
This whole post makes me want to smash my head against the desk.
I was thinking more along the lines of a vasectomy.
He's doubly fuucked.
The job market SUCKS. People with advanced degrees are finding it tough to get an interview and tougher yet to get an actual order.
*sigh* The "token" jobs are now taken. This means that retail, service jobs and anything minimum wage is tough to find, too: there was a 7-11 by us that got over 200 farking applicants.
His best bet would be to do full time yardwork/landscaping -- and while he is doing that, he should be applying for a bona-fide full time job. That's about the only thing that he can do right now.
Why the blazes did you quit your job, given the economy's gone tits up? Not a wise thing to do, quitting your job before you've gotten another offer.
That said, he will spend if he wants to?
Eh, you're looking at a preview of your life together. This guy's got no concept of how to spend and save a dollar and he srsly sounds like he's a damn fifth grader.
I think it would be wise for you to cut bait, bid this jerk adieu and move on.
And it would be wiser still for you to call your former employer and see if you can be rehired.
ETA: I did not read her blog and I did not see the other replies. Now that I see he's got kids from a former relationship, it's doubly wise for you to cut bait now and move on: he's got no character whatsoever and he's pretty much a shiftless bum.
No offense but with regard to the first paragraph, you don't have a *goal* of getting a house, you have a *dream* to get one. The difference is that a dream is "someday" but you never reach it because you don't do anything about it, while a goal is where you have a target for that "someday" and are actually taking steps to reach it. Goal to buy a house = get a job, save a certain amount each paycheck in a house fund, and have a date certain and amount certain to buy the house, with additional savings to go for repairs and expenses. A dream is "I want a house someday" but you live with parents, don't work, don't save, have a baby on the way... To make it a GOAL, you have to get a job and start saving toward *buying* one. But honestly, the first step is getting a job and your own place. If you can't afford to rent, you certainly can't afford to buy.
With regard to the second paragraph, it doesn't matter who is taking care of his son, that boy is owed child support. If the grandma is taking care of the child, you should be paying her child support. If the court ordered that he pay child support to the baby's mom, he should be paying her child support no matter where the child is being raised...and it would be up to the child's mom to give grandma the child support. Or you should be giving the grandma the child support and notifying the court. And exactly what are you doing to get this "child he loves to death" but doesn't have the means and isn't bothering to support?
OhmiGAH! Great minds. (see three posts above.)
Also, another reason he doesn't pay child support is that his ex-wife doesn't even take care of his son, her mom does. But the court doesn't know that yet. We are working on getting custody of him. He loves his son to death and he really is a good father.
Sorry but that's open to debate, that "he really is a good father" claim.
This is bullshit -- this is his son and he should still be contributing.
I will also wager that he spends no time at all with his youngsters. Or if he does, the time is minimally spent with them.
Why in tarnation did this woman even breed? so her mother can raise the child? Oh, yeah...if her mother's got custody of the youngster and the child lives with neither mom or dad, that's got to be a cluusterfuuk of a trainwreck story in itself.
New to the board but I have to say...
For the love of God, please please please get out of the gene pool-the both of you. Forget about him, get your own act together, and if not, do your kid a favor and give him up for adoption.
I am almost at a loss for words. The more details that are revealed, the more ridiculous this gets.
Didn't you learn anything from Britney Spears? Don't date a guy with an ex who's 8.5 months pregnant!!! Did you actually think he'd be a good father?
Seriously, you should not be allowed to have children. You have no jobs, no plan. It disgusts me. There are so many hard working people out there. You obviously have no way to support this kid...you should really look into adoption.
SERIOUSLY?! What were you thinking?!