Almost successful induction, kinda scary birth story - with a happy ending :)

I went in to the hospital on 2/2 for a prostiglandin gel, and then went back that night at 1 am to start the actual induction.  At that point I was 41 weeks, 50% effaced - not dilated at all.  We got checked in at 1, and I was contracting regularly on my own - which the doc liked (and it was cool to me, because I had no idea!).  They didn't start the Pitocin until 4 am.  I labored with the pit throughout the night - every time he checked me I'd only be like 1-2 cm dilated, and a little effaced.  I let him break my water and sweep my membranes in the morning, which was the weeeeirdest feeling ever. 

I didn't have a very difficult time with labor to that point - laboring on the birthing ball was awesome and really helped the pain pretty much go away.  It was nice because I sat on the ball pushed up against the end of the bed, and DH sat behind me with his arms around me.  It was awesome to cuddle and be able to focus on being with DH instead of the pain. 

At that point I hadn't slept pretty much at all, so at some point mid-day I asked for some pain meds so I could take a nap.  They gave me Stadol (BEST. DRUGS. EVER.) which made me sleepy and kind of drunk feeling and totally knocked me out.  I slept for about an hour and a half that first time, and at some point during the day I got another hit of Stadol as well.  Seriously, love that stuff.  I would have used it to manage my pain throughout the whole labor, except it made me so loopy there was no way I could push while on int.

After the second round of Stadol, we decided I should get the epi.  I was only 3 cm dilated at that point (GRRR!) but with the amount of pit I was on, there was no way the contractions were going to let up - and it wouldn't impede labor, so I thought it was best to go for it at that point.  Getting the epi really wasn't bad at all, there was a little pain, a little pinch, really no big deal. 

BUT.  I HATED the epi. Hated it.  Shortly after I got it, I was going to nap - and my mom and DH went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat, and I just lost it.  I knew going into it there was a possibility I wasn't going to like it, and it was exactly as I thought - the whole not being able to feel my feet thing freaked me out SO much, I just couldn't get past it.  It made me really claustrophobic and I was just too inside my own head to get past it.  It was a really weird feeling.  I didn't enjoy it a bit.  I made them turn it off shortly after that.  (We did turn it back on, at a lower dose later... still hated it, but it was more tolerable.)

So then my doc came in and checked me again, and I was STILL only 3 cm.  At that point, we started discussing c-sections.  He said he'd come back at at midnight and we'd make the call.  Except, he had a delivery and couldn't make it back 'til around 1:30.  We all agree that if he'd come back at midnight I would have gone right to the section.... but when he got back at 1:30, I was 4-5 cm and very effaced.  So we continued on course.

Somewhere in there I started vomiting, and kept that up for a while.  I think I puked 4 or 5 times, HARD.  It was terrible.  It was due to the penicillin they had to keep pushing in me because of being GBS positive (I think) and since I hadn't been eating anything, I was throwing up bright green bile.  I have a picture of me holding a barf bag with electric green puke on me.  At this point, I find it kind of funny (the picture - not the puke... I hate puking). 

We all slept then, and at some point later I was checked again and a solid 7-8, with very little cervix left (wahoo!).  Within a few hours after that, I was 10 cm, with a tiny cervical lip and it was time to push (yay!).  At that point, the epi either completely wore off (so I say) or the pain changed so much (what my mom says) that I could feel every single thing.  It HURT.  So, I started pushing and pushed for three solid hours... I think it actually was more like 3.5.  During the pushing the doctor came in and tried to manually position the baby's head in the right direction, and that hurt SO BAD.  He had his entire fist up there, almost up to his elbow.  I've never seen DH's eyes get so big. 

I tried laboring in as many positions as they would let me, and mom, DH and the nurse kept saying they could see a bit of the baby's head - which was cool.  He was moving down, but very very slowly.  In the 3.5 hours I pushed, he only descended about 1 cm total.  His head was just too big (everyone keeps saying what a big head he has! LOL).  I'm a good pusher everyone agreed.... so there was just no way he was going to come out on his own.  

So at that point my (new) doctor (we'd been at it so long there was a shift change in doctors!) came in and said that we could keep trying for another hour or so (most first time moms push for two hours, she normally only lets people go for three, but said I could have four hours if I needed/wanted).... but that in her opinion he wasn't going to come down the rest of the way in four hours.  After three solid hours of pushing I was completely exhausted and out of gas.  I wrestled with the decision (actually, I freaked out and said I couldn't make the decision and that mom and DH needed to for me) - and we decided c-section.

And then I completely lost it.  After being strong and stoic and happy and excited and "on" for 36 hours - I was just done.  I sobbed hysterically about feeling like a failure and feeling like I was quitting and letting people down, and not being strong enough to do it on my own.  It was awful, I was hyperventilating.  Mom and DH were really good and talked me down though. 

So we went to the operating room REALLY fast... and here's where things got weird/scary/not so good.  They used my epidural to numb my lower half for the surgery, except it wasn't taking effect fast enough, and I could feel things.  They kept asking if I was feeling "sharp" or "pressure" and it was always sharp.  The anesthesiologist was awesome - like really really great - and she kept adding and trying new things.  At one point DH heard her and the doc talking, and they said they were "just going to make it work" - yikes! Anyway, they ended up giving me all SORTS of drugs through my IV, and while I wasn't under general anesthetic, I was way out of it.  DH said we talked about vacations and our wedding (he was supposed to be talking to me about something calming) and I have absolutely no recollection of that conversation.  My memories of the surgery itself are like it was a weird trippy dream. 

And this is the bad part.  When they pulled Christopher out, he was completely blue/purple and non-responsive   He was rushed to the NICU cart in the room, and they had to recisutate him.  I wasn't aware of any of this... but poor DH saw it all happen.  His first Apgar was a 3.  (Dead babies get a 0, good/healthy babies get a 8/9.)  It was a combination of him aspirating and swallowing too much meconium (he passed the meconium when the doctor tried to turn his head when I was in labor - we think he got scared, poor little dude), and the drugs that the anesthsiologist had given me - which just really wiped him out.  Obviously they got him back up and running again - but as DH said, "my little boy was born looking like a smurf and needing a jump start."  Really really scary, and we dealt with some issues related to it (he still had stuff in his stomach a few days later, and was vomiting mucus every so often - poor baby   ).  He got much better really fast though, his second and third Apgar scores (at 10 and 15 min) were 7 and 9. 

The cool thing about having the c-section was that right after DH went with the baby, while they stitched me up... so he got a solid half an hour to bond with him, just the two of them.  I think this was REALLY important for their relationship, it was DH's first real bonding time with him.  It definitely made it all real for him   I joined them in recovery afterward and we were there for an hour (just the three of us, yay ) until we went upstairs to my room. 

So.  That's my ridiculously long birth story   Some highlights/things I didn't talk about (in brief):

- We had THE BEST EVER labor and delivery nurse.  She was there for both nights we were in labor, and at the end of the second night when she was supposed to go home (at 7 am on Wednesday) she decided to stay and meet our baby, because she liked us so much.  She ended up staying until noon, going to the OR with us (even though she doesn't do that), held DH's hand when he had to watch Christopher be resuscitated, and brought him to me to show him to me for the first time.  I swear, that woman was a godsend.  We couldn't have done it without her.  I could (and will) go on and on and on about her.  She was an angel.  I honestly cry thinking about how wonderful she was.

- DH was incredible through labor.  I didn't think he had it in him, and I am amazed that my husband has such strength.  He continues to surprise me with how sensitive and caring he can be, and I still cry when I think about what a wonderful dad he is. 

- I honestly think that had he been able to make it through the birth canal, I could have had a natural birth.  The worst part of the laboring for me was the fetal monitor (it kept slipping off), the blood pressure cuff (it HURT!), and the epi.

- I never thought I could love something this much.  I can't even describe this feeling.

And this is important...  I'm totally and completely content with my birth.  I thought I would feel like a failure having a c-section, and I totally don't.  I'm really glad I got to experience all of labor, and that I got to push for three hours.  I feel like I "labored" and I'm happy with that.  C-sections are NOT that bad.  Recovery is going well, and I haven't taken any narcotics to help with the pain.  Don't be afraid of a c-section.  

Christopher Kennedy was born at 10:19 am on Wednesday 2/4, weighed 9lbs 3oz, 19.5" long.  He's a little chunky monkey, and he's absolutely perfect.  We're so in love