I think SAHMs should make dinner. Agree?

REOM · March 2009

I was just on the phone with Dh's cousin, and mentioned I was making dinner. She asked if I always made dinner, and I said that most nights I do. She goes on and on about how we should take turns cooking, it's not the woman's "job", basically coloring me as the anti-feminist.

Whatever, I am home all day- my H is not. It is important for our family to eat healthy meals, not take out. It only seems logical that I make dinner.

WDYT?

penguingrrl · March 2009

I agree with you. I usually cook 5 nights a week, friday we do takeout, and Saturday we're usually with family. Then again, even when we were both working FT I did all the cooking because DH doesn't like to cook and I enjoy it. That said, DH would never give me a hard time because DD had a rough day and either I haven't started cooking yet when he gets home or he gets home to be told we're ordering delivery!

Brideofranken · March 2009

what if everyone agrees that the sahm is a lousy cook? I sometimes cook, but more often than not, the hus does.

he loves cooking and is great at it. I hate cooking and make everything taste like burning.

today I am making vegetable soup with whole grain noodles, though. All by myself.

I make like 10 things- if we're going to eat something other than those, he cooks.

minnasmommy · March 2009

I agree with you. DH loves to cook but his work schedule during the week just isn't conducive to making dinner. It's an EARLY night if he's home by 7:45...lately it's been later.

eshaffer · March 2009

I agree with you...however I'm guilty of not doing this. I SAH Tuesday and Thursday, yet DH came home and cooked dinner. He's the cook of the family, I do all the dishes and clean-up. I try to cook once a week, but it doesn't always happen. I feel kind of bad about that.

CubbyMama · March 2009

I agree with you in theory. I happen not to enjoy cooking and don't do it as often as I should, but I do try to have SOMEthing ready (even if it's just sandwiches and soup or something out of the freezer) because I don't think DH should have to cook after working all day. Of course, sometimes he offers, and I gratefully accept!

Purrrfect433 · March 2009

My husband makes dinner on one of his days off. We eat out a lot because I'm not a very good cook. I think that if it works for your family, that's all that matters!

Temp159135562506975 · March 2009

I mostly agree with that - if the SAHM does not HATE cooking nor is she bad at it

i hate cooking for the most part... and i'm not great at it - but i'm also not a SAHM. when i was on maternity leave i didn't cook a lot- mostly b/c i was in a ton of pain for 8weeks.... after that i did try to have something prepared- or at least the ingredients for something easy, or takeout ordered at the very least lol

since we both work and DH doesn't mind cooking- he usually does it- even though i get home before him and would have more time.

he's the best.

mrsterry · March 2009

I think it is important to have a healthy meal. Who cooks it really doesn't matter. When MH is in town it is usually me that has to cook for a number of reasons (here are the 2 I can think of right this second):

1. He doesn't like to eat after 5:30pm, and since he would be likely to walk in the house at 5:25pm....I guess dinner is on me.

2. I really canNOT eat his cooking. I've tried, and it's just NOT good. I guess there is a reason that he has now resorted to pretty much dousing everything he makes with bbq sauce now....BLECH!

JOEBunny · March 2009

Me making dinner is actually one of the reasons I am a SAHM. I think it is much healthier for our family for me to cook dinner. If I worked, I just would not have the time/energy to dedicate to that. I don't find it to be difficult and sometimes we do eat trader Joe's or takeout or go out. DH does not cook. He lived by himself for 18 years and never cooked, can't see him starting now. He is good at getting take out!

KrisBriMcBunny · March 2009

well its logical since I am at home to make dinner....but the family doesnt think its MY job to do so every single night. I'm lucky that my older girls and dh will help make dinner and clean up too.

SpartanGirl · March 2009

It depends on the circumstances. I SAHM and hate to cook (and I'm not very good at it). DH loves it. He said it helps him relax after work. So most nights he does the cooking. However, I will throw together some crockpot meals or prep ingredients if he is running late at work or if we have somewhere to go after he gets home.

juniper19 · March 2009

I'm a SAH MOM not a SAH Chef or a SAH housekeeper. I happen to enjoy cooking, but the kids are the focus and quite often that takes all my time.

PoundCake · March 2009

Nope. I hate cooking and am not good at cooking. DH enjoys it. Plus his work schedule isn't conductive to having a dinner some nights and I can care less. I won't cook for just me.

summerbrideDC · March 2009

LOL--I don't necessarily DISAGREE with you, but I can fully 100% admit that I fall VERY short in this category. ?I cook 2-3 times a week.

I am in charge of making sure our family gets a healthy meal every night, but it is often either take out or a rotisserie chicken and veggies that are premade. ?

REOM · March 2009

summerbrideDC:

LOL--I don't necessarily DISAGREE with you, but I can fully 100% admit that I fall VERY short in this category. I cook 2-3 times a week.

I am in charge of making sure our family gets a healthy meal every night, but it is often either take out or a rotisserie chicken and veggies that are premade.

Was it you who coined the mother as being a 'ringmaster'? That is how I feel most days. Funny.

I'm glad most of you agree with me. She left me feeling like I was stuck in the 50's or something. Honestly, if I left dinner up to my DH we would be eating burgers everynight.

heyitsme · March 2009

I agree with you. If I were a SAHM I would cook 5 nights a week for dinner. The way I figure it, we could eat at 6:00pm when he gets home (and I have dinner ready) or we could eat at 7:00pm (after he gets home and cooks dinner). I tend to be anal about schedules, so I wouldn't deal well with some days him cooking (and us eating at 7) and some days I'm cooking (and us eating at 6).

jennings235 · March 2009

I completely agree with you. I am a SAHM and cook most nights. Even when DH is working, I usually cook and take him dinner.

ans1999 · March 2009

I am a SAHM and a feminist. I am for negociated division of labor. I do cook dinner almost every night. Both DH and I are happy about this arrangement. We have talked about the division of labor and I do end up doing most of the cleaning. But I hate vacuuming so DH does it. I think the feminist perspective should be we can pick what we want to do, not have a certain role/job forced down our throats. Does that make sense?

eclaires · March 2009

I think it just depends on what works for your family but I don't think it's 1950s for you to think you should make dinner!

For us, when MH used to be home by 4:30, we split dinner duties and more often then not, he did the cooking. When he was getting home at 6:30, I made dinner every night and we ate as soon as he got home. With all that said, I plan out our menu and do the grocery shopping - when he was getting home at 4:30, I was just telling him what to make and he'd do the actual cooking while I did other stuff. I pretty much hate to cook, he doesn't mind it, but hates to plan what we're having (and is terrible at it - if it were up to him, we'd just have grilled chicken every night w/ no side items because the concept of a full meal escapes him) and hates to grocery shop.

amygdala · March 2009

hubs can't cookforshit, so I think I'll always be making the dinner, even when I'm not SAH.

CubbyMama · March 2009

Also, I would like to add that you and EMT are going to have to mud-wrestle for who has the most painfully frickin' adorable sig pics...you're killin' me over here!

marrymemylove · March 2009

I disagree with you. When I have been a SAHM (2 very different experiences) I have done the cooking most of the time and also shared it fairly equally. I do NOT think a SAHM "should". WTF? She's been home with the screaming kids and no bathroom breaks and grabbing food at lunch if she could. Her DH has probably been in a nice clean office with no bodily fluids to deal with, as many bathroom and meal breaks as he needs and pushing nothing more physical than paper and keyboards. At least a LOT of DHs that is true for. Enough to take the should out of it. If she doesn't want to do the cooking after having a harder day than he has had why should she? On the other hand lots do, some for the reason I have done it, its a damn sight easier cooking dinner than looking after the kids for another hour. So I used to hand DS to DH 3 mins after he walked in the door and go cook. Bliss. If you are thinking of having the meal on the table with poor little hubby walks in then sure as hell that's not what we should be doing. Now that I have it comparatively easy - DS is easy, he's in childcare several days and my full time job is looking for a job - I do tend to cook more like 90% of the time. But when I was home in a tiny apartment with a screaming infant it was more like 50% of the time. If DS fell asleep and DH was home I put my feet up and DH cooked. And he was happy to.

CPSTmama · March 2009

I mostly agree. We eat dinner early though so if we waited until Dh got home a cooked we would be eating a hour later which doesn't work for us as well. Dh usually cooks at least one of his days off, sometimes both.

He does do the after dinner dishes most nights.

jessicaclare · March 2009

I think its one of those things where you do what works best for the family, but for her to act like its SOOO stuck in the 50's of you is absurd.

I do most of the cooking, because I enjoy it. I do not enjoy housework, though, and DH and I split that 50/50.

Brewster · March 2009

I mostly cook. I can not say I enjoy it though. MH isn't really a great cook either. We eat the same things over and over again. Oh, and I cook whether or not I am working or eating dinner. When I did WW, I cooked up separate things...MH can not afford to lose any weight. LOL

Kapalua · March 2009

Agreed...any SAHM's want to come cook dinner for us?? =p

no, really...I cook most nights anyways. But, if I SAH, I would have absolutely no issues with being the primary meal preparer.

Zenya · March 2009

I think SAHM's should cook and clean. I always cook (well - dh likes to cook so he cooks on weekends sometimes). I consider all the cleaning to be my 'job' although I am a CRAP housekeeper and DH often cleans b/c he gets sick of the mess, I imagine.

eta: I responded w/o reading. It's true that if a mom hates to cook and the dad likes it then obviously it's different. I can see how it could be negotiated. Both of us love to cook/are good cooks so it's an even playing field.

tanzer13 · March 2009

AGREED!!! I cook about 6 times a week on average. Plus I do not want to have to wait for DH to get home from work for him to cook and then maybe get to eat by 7 or 8?? Way too late for DS and we like to eat as a family. So I have it ready for when he gets home at 6. Works great for us and I love to cook, so that helps too. :-)

WantAnotherBaby · March 2009

I agree and do SAH and make something each week night. But one night a week it's VERY simple. I'm off on the weekends:)

zigby · March 2009

I agree but make dinner once or twice a week and DH's on his own the rest of the time...He comes home late and I don rarely eat a proper dinner and DS doesn't eat the food that DH like to eat. I do offer to make dinner for him but he says not to worry and he'll find something when he gets home. It's nice to surprise him though like I did last night. Had dinner on the stove waiting for him so he didn't have to cook while I went out. When O gets older and family dinner becomes more important than I'll cook more often.

Amanda&Chris · March 2009

I agree with you. It would be ridiculous for MH to work 12+ hours and then come home and cook dinner when I've been here all day. If he cooks (read: grills) then it is on the weekends and even then I do 90% of the work.

However, I am very traditional and probably would be considered an anti-feminist by some.

(And I haven't read all the replies yet, so if this turned into a big debate, I'll be back.)

august0605bride · March 2009

We share b/c MH likes to cook. ?In the summer, he grills out a lot-- it's also easier for him to cook in the summer b/c we all stay up a bit later-- in the winter, it's pitch black at 5:00, and I like to have dinner ready when he gets home so we can put the kiddies to bed

maybaby519 · March 2009

Whether you are a SAHM or a SAHD or one of you get home before the other, I think someone needs to start making dinner to eat at a reasonable tinme. I know MH makes dinner most everynight because I get home from work at least 2 hours after he does. I'm not sure how we will do when baby # 2 comes around..

lsufan · March 2009

Since DH doesn't get home until 7:30 at the earliest most nights, I do all the cooking during the week (though sometimes that means picking up prepared food at the grocery store). ?It's not part of the job that I love, but I do like knowing my family gets mostly healthy meals. ?If he got home in time to cook, he would most definitely do it more often, since he loves to cook and is a great chef. ?(We eat really well on the weekends!) ?As it is, we'd be sitting around hungry if we waited for him to get home.

I can't really say too much about what SAHMs should or shouldn't do, because so much of it depends on your circumstances and family schedule. ?I'm jealous of you ladies whose husbands come home in time to even eat dinner with the family. ?And even though I'm a stay at home Mom, I don't think my responsibilities associated with that end with the kids. ?DH spends his days earning money that benefits our family as a whole, and I think I should also spend my days doing things that benefit our family-- and that includes him. ?Even if the kids and I would be happy eating a bowl of cereal for dinner, I know DH would prefer a real meal, so that's what I prepare.

wellfleet04 · March 2009

I think it sort of depends on what kind of job your H has, what time he gets home, etc. My H gets home at 7 pm at the earliest, often much, much later. If I waited for him to cook, we'd be putting Kate to bed at 10 pm most nights. He works long, irregular hours, so it only makes sense that if I'm physically located near the stove at 5 pm I cook dinner.

But if your H has a job where he walks through the door every night at 5 or 5:30, I don't think dinner necessarily falls on the SAHM. If both parents are at home at that hour, I'd say both parents are fair game for cooking and childcare, no matter where they spent the previous 8 hours. Our "free" time doesn't start until after Kate goes to bed--until then we are both "on duty" even at home.

Rebekah1021 · March 2009

I agree. I enjoy it and I think I am pretty good at it. DH can't cook a lick and it would be so late by the time we ate after he got home.

gracendantho26 · March 2009

I personally make dinner for my family but my best friend who is also a SAHM does not... her DH makes dinner every night. So I am not sure there is a right and a wrong way to do it. I am a control freak and while my DH is a great cook I know he would find excuses to order take out or just skip it because he is tired at the end of the day. He would have the best of intentions but it would never work. I do not like to eat out unless it's on the weekend for brunch or lunch so I know that I will always prepare a meal. So what it comes down to is that I know I will follow through because I am anal about limiting take out and making sure we all sit together as a family for dinner at the end of the day. I also have to clean the kitchen on my own after dinner because I don't like him helping me with it at all.

Can we all say "control freak?" LOL

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