DH won't pick a name but constantly veto's mine!!

Mary0913 · February 2009

First off - good morning, ladies! So, here's the issue: DH is not pressed about picking a name - he never mentions names he likes, never brings the subject up, etc. When I bring up names, he's very quick to veto them all but still refuses to contribute. He says that he can't just "think" of a name. I encouraged him to look at the baby name book HIS mom gave us, but nope, it just sits there.

I really love the name Morgan for our little girl but he is dead-set against it, saying it's a boy's name. I got so frustrated with him last night that I told him that if he didn't start helping (I know we have a long while before we really need a name), that I was going to name her Morgan and that's that! Is anyone else's dh/fi/si this way about names? What do you girls do to get them motivated? TIA!

skimberlin · February 2009

This is our exact situation. Not only does he hate mine and won't throw any out there he makes fun of mine to everyone who asks us about names!

Aliliv · February 2009

DH is exactly the same way! With our first he didn't say he like a name until after she was born. And the name he picked was one he veteod months earlier! Maybe he's just waiting to meet you baby? He probably won't change, but as soon as the baby's born he'll probably like lots of names on your list:) Make sure to take a list with you to the hospital!

Mrs.Carlybella · February 2009

LOL i have been mad at my H for the same thing- i say a name, he says no, there is no time delay or anything- he just nix'es it.

Sitting down with a book/computer alphabetical list, really helped our discussions because he could contribute more from seeing, then from just off the top of his head. We did a couple letters of the alphabet a night and wrote a long list to get down to our short list.

Kissmemylovely · February 2009

My DH was the same way with our first. Just last night he asked for the first time what we should name our second. I was so surprised that he was the one who brought it up. Although he did not have an names in mind at least he was trying to participate.

rommelea · February 2009

Yep, my DH was the same way. I told him when we scheduled the big u/s that I wanted us to have names picked out before then so we could start calling the baby by name. He was the same way - always vetoing my names, but never seriously thinking about names (he'd bring up joke names, but nothing that either of us would ever consider... i.e. clay bacon). We went on a road trip a week before the u/s and in the car I told him that if he didn't come up with something for a girl (which ended up being pointless) by the time we got there it was going to be what I chose. He put some thought into it FINALLY. On the way home I did the same thing with a boy name. It sucked to have to put him on a deadline like that... but it worked and now we're both happy with the name

zoieglow · February 2009

We sat together for an hour or so a few different nights with the baby name book open and just ran through their lists. It was mostly me proposing names and him shooting them down but after doing it about 3 or 4 times, we got our names. Can't you read the book together?

DarcyLongfellow · February 2009

Oh my gosh, that's so frustrating. I'm so sorry!!! I was really afraid DH was going to be like this.

I think you should stop suggesting names you like. Seriously -- stop mentioning them. If he's in a mood to just veto -- you don't want to just have every name you like vetoed simply because he's not in the mood to discuss names yet.

If it were me, I would start suggesting truly awful names just to make him grateful when I finally mentioned good ones. Like Winefred.

Maybe it would help him to have a deadline? My DH wouldn't discuss names with me until we found out whether it was a boy or a girl. It drove me crazy, and I was kind of doing what you've been doing -- throwing out suggestions periodically (but he'd just sort of brush me off). Then, once we found out it was a girl, he was all of a sudden super into names and he went on his own and looked up baby name websites. He knew i'd been thinking about it, so I sent him my top 4 name choices, then we talked about it for several hours that evening. Now we may have made a decision.

So, maybe your DH just isn't ready yet. I'd give him a deadline (say, 30 weeks, or 28, whenever) and say that he HAS to come up with a list of names by then so that you guys can have a meaningful discussion.

babyjoy09 · February 2009

Oh i just commented on this my boyfriend is the total opposite he feels "privileged" that i'm letting him pick the name LOL

cedens · February 2009

yes~ i feel for you haha~ i know it's still kinda early on but the baby will be here before we know it and then we will be scrambling around for a name!

dh is italian and he wants a very italian name for his boy or girl (i have already refused his one and only name that he gave me for a boy which is Vito (after his father- it's a family tradition)- i said it could be a middle name and got all pouty- ever since then, the subject of names has been touchy and he avoids it!

drives me nuts- i have no real ideas for you other than maybe have your mutual friends over one night for dinner or go hang out and have them bring up the topic of names and have them specifically ask him what he likes (and to continue to press it- until he caves)- this sorta worked for my dh and now i have a better idea of what he is thinking of and now i also know that we are gonna have a loooooong battle on this haha (his names are waaaaaay too italian- not common at all over here)!

ang&ry22 · February 2009

skimberlin:
This is our exact situation. Not only does he hate mine and won't throw any out there he makes fun of mine to everyone who asks us about names!

I think we are married to the same man! This is exactly how mine is...good thing we have a while to go!

thorntmk · February 2009

I've got the SAME thing happening--he easily agreed to my first suggestion for a boy's name- a family name on his side, and he keeps saying he'll just know when the girl's name is right.

i've easily thrown out 150 girls names. I think part of it is he is very vocal about wanting a boy, and has no interest in a girl. I like the idea of making a deadline. By the way- my husband is also only willing to throw out joke names. argh!

chels0120 · February 2009

LOL Man I am grateful for my DH! He is just not stubborn like this! We had the funnest time picking out names together and it honestly only took us like a day on our boy name and a week on our girl name! GL!

TheMrs8/9/8 · February 2009

OMG it's as if I wrote this post!

Rinners · February 2009

We too are in the same situation. Even after the big u/s! Since they wouldnt say for sure either way. We got a "50 to 75% chance the baby is a girl" answer. So here we are stuck yet again. He originally agreed to my name choice, however now everytime I say something he says "I cant imagine calling my kid that for the rest of their life!" Idk what the heck to do with him anymore. I finally told him if the didnt agree to something, I am going to sit in the hospital for 5 extra days not knowing what to name our baby!

firstimemomma · February 2009

Before DH and I were ever married or pregnant, I started talking about names bc I knew he would be difficult. Anytime I thought of names I liked or names from a book I was reading I would throw them out to him. Most of the time he would shoot them down, and when I would ask what he liked he would respond Ben jr or Ben-ifer lol. His name is Ben if you couldn't tell. Anyways we picked names long before I was pregnant, and now that I am we both still love the names!

Hotomale · February 2009

Another me to!! My DH is exactly the same. Every boy name I like is "gay". We do have 2 girl names we like though (Stella and Sophie) so hopefully it's a girl!!

Mrs.Greenie · February 2009

Mine too! He jokes about it saying ridiculous names all the time. So I never know when he is serious. Finally I said. "this is not a joke. This is our childs name. We don't have to decide this moment, but I need some serious feedback from you if you want a say in his name." We decided that we both like Carter. I gave him 2 choices of middle names and told him to choose.

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