Once again, DH makes me feel like a terrible mom

Sueball1 · February 2009

Today was a messed up day- Leo wouldn't nap; got overstimulated, etc. DH gets home from a photo shoot and after I had been dealing with a crying baby for 3 hours, he takes him and gets him down for a nap. So, Sueball=FAIL#1. Then DH leaves for the gym and leo ends up napping for 3 hours. I finally woke him up at 6, thinking that he would never get to sleep tonight if I didn't, and being that I'm the only one who wakes up with him, that would suck for me. DH doesn't care b/c he won't have to deal with it either way.

So of course, waking a napping baby is a no-no, and I get a VERY distraught Leo. I feed him, bathe him and try to just get him back down as he is fussing nonstop and obviously just wants to sleep. DH gets home from the gym to Leo crying and me swaying him around in a dark room.

DH: (looking at me disgustedly) What's going on?

Me: Well, he was angry I woke him, so he's grumpy now...

DH: I just don't get how when YOU go to the gym, I get him to sleep and have dinner ready (note- this happened exactly once) and when you're in charge, he's always screaming when I get home.

Me: Ok,,I can handle it...

DH: No, I'll do it. (Snatches Leo away and starts talking loudly to him, which just makes him scream louder. However, since DH is the freaking baby farking whisperer and does everything wrong but somehow it still works, he manages to get him to calm down by swaddling him, rocking him and shoving a paci in his mouth, which I was trying not to do since the "plan" I'm on says not to rely on a paci or rocking... )

End scene.

I want to cry. I feel like I have not a maternal bone in my body. When I was young, I never wanted kids. I wanted to be an actress on Broadway. And at some poing that changed, and all I wanted was to be a good mom. But I suck at this. I obviously knew myself better at the age of 8 than now.

sdkrlm · February 2009

sorry, I had to laugh about the DH being a baby whisperer

I'm sorry you had a bad night

books4brooke · February 2009

Whoever says not to rely on a pacifier is CRAZY! We give Kellen a paci to sleep, and it is a great soother. Some babies are suckers, and that's ok.

Ris9701 · February 2009

I am sorry that he makes you feel that way.

I hope you get some rest tonight and that tomorrow is a better day. HUGE hugs!

MayBride2B2007 · February 2009

i totally hear you. when i change hadley (constantly) she screams bloody murder, mr. soup does it and she gazes lovingly at him the whole time as if he's rubbing her ass in silk. if he could just grow functional boobs, she wouldn't need me at all.

Mrs.Mclstar48 · February 2009

Has he ever spent an entire day alone with him like you have? does he have any idea whats it like to handle him when he is having a rough day? You're right, taking care of him ONE night when he was having a good day does not make him an expert. And if thats the case in his eyes then HE can get up with him in the middle of the night and you can pass Leo off to HIM whenever he's having a meltdown!

I am sorry he is being such an asshat. You are a wonderful mother and dont let him feel otherwise. BIG HUGS

Mrs.Mclstar48 · February 2009

books4brooke:
Whoever says not to rely on a pacifier is CRAZY! We give Kellen a paci to sleep, and it is a great soother. Some babies are suckers, and that's ok.

agreed! Hailey is a sucker! She needs to suc kespecially during a meltdown in order to calm herself. Otherwise she continues to become irrate.

bdciml · February 2009

I've wanted to be a mom since I was 8 and there are days when I feel like you do. MH does the same thing sometimes and it drives me crazy. Hang in there!

sdkrlm · February 2009

DH is a miracle worker with the nose suckage...it amazes me

Zeidy01 · February 2009

I can tell you that the 1st 3 months are the hardest. They have no schedule and you really cant figure out what's going on. It gets better, trust me. By the way, the only reason your H was able to get him down its because your LO was at the end, too tired to continue. If you didn't have maternal bone in your body you wouldn't be so worried. You're a great mom because you care. <<HUGS>>

?

Zeidy?

summerbridesara · February 2009

Aw, I'm sorry. You are NOT a bad mom!!! Please don't think that. You love your baby very much and you're doing the best you can. Your husband sounds like mine - mine gets very upset if the baby isn't happy and smiling. Uh, hello, they WILL cry. Maybe it's because Leo is so used to you and that's why your husband can calm him sometimes...change of scenery so to speak? I don't know....I'm just sorry you had a bad night! And you're a good mommy!

Skatcat · February 2009

awww...! I'm a little pissed off at your DH now, Suzie. That's way uncool of him! You are NOT a bad mom. How many times has Mr. Skat been able to get the babes to sleep better than I? (answer: tons). And vice versa..there are times where one baby is getting hysterical with Mr. Skat and as soon as I take them they calm down.

Babies just sense when you are tense, that's all. The more distraught you get, the more upset they get, so when you hand them off to someone else, someone who hasn't been dealing with a grumpy baby for three hours, they just instantly calm down. That's all it is.

And frankly, anyone can get a baby quiet by shoving a paci in his mouth and rocking him. Just out of curiousity, why would your plan tell you not to do those two things? Heck, other than those two things and the boob, I got nothing.

Skatcat · February 2009

MayBride2B2007:
mr. soup does it and she gazes lovingly at him the whole time as if he's rubbing her ass in silk.

LMAO!

MissionImpossible · February 2009

Oh, Sueball--you are a very good mom! The following is a true story.

Once upon a time, a very determined woman went to Central America with her DH to finalize an adoption. After taking custody of 2 children, and much drama, and much strapping the children to her body, and much TLC, the adoptions went through. Then, both children decided "papi" was their saving grace and obviously preferred him! "Mami" nearly had a nervous breakdown. A very good friend of mami told her something that proved to be true. She said "Kids are like that. My kids went through the same thing. I'd be with them all day, and my husband would come home, and presto chango--happy kid. But, the kids changed preferences a lot, so don't take it personally and do not think you did something wrong". Of course, Mami ignored her and thought she was being nice was all.

Now, when Mami has a 3 year old literally hanging off her and a 1.5 year old screaming because only Mami can put him to bed, she wonders WHY she ever worried...

Seriously, I thought Mario HATED me, and that I had screwed up badly. Andy was the only one who could calm him for a couple months, and we don't know why. Now, as I try to rush home after my clients because Mario waits for me to go to bed (even though I am only gone an hour or 2 at a time), I seriously believe my friend.

I can guarantee your situation will change. I am so sure of it. Babies are funny creatures, and react to all sorts of things outside our control. Please, you are a really caring, loving, attentive mother. Just hang in there--I guarantee you Leo is going to demand you and only you at some point...you will look back and wonder why you worried. I know I do.

And give your DH a little kick the next time he makes those comments. Sometimes, even great DH's don't get it, and don't get how deep their words can cut. Much love, a big hug, Jill

GeminiKMP-C · February 2009

First of all, the Baby Whisperer is a freak. She draws a circle of respect around her victims, erhm, clients, before changing their diaper for cryin' out loud. Let DH be a freak if he wants to. The rest of us, cool kids, will congregate in the corner.

Sounds like you and DH do a lot of what my DH and I do... the constant game of "Who did more?" LOVE IT.

Kirsten.In.NH · February 2009

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you feel like this. You are NOT a bad mother!!! I feel like this sometimes too and it is so frustrating when you're trying everything we're "supposed" to do and it doesn't work and then DH swoops in to "save the day". It's maddening and definitely makes you question your abilities. But you are the mommy and you know your baby and you ARE great at this!!! Hang in there. Big hugs.