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SAHM's- Do you get mad at DH when....

Liz342Liz342 member
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

...he doesn't come home right after work, or makes plans for the evening?  I am home all day with DD and although I love every second with her, I look forward to DH coming home from work to help me for the evening and spend time with us.  I feel bad getting mad, but he wants to go play basketball tonight from 6-8 (and 2 nights a week from now until April).  I hate telling him no but there are lots of times where he has to go back to work in the evenings (he is a teacher and sometimes supervises games and other after school things).  Am I irrational to be mad at him for wanting to play basketball/do you get mad when DH isn't home after work?

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Re: SAHM's- Do you get mad at DH when....

  • Good2BdaMommyGood2BdaMommy
    Sometimes I do. Can you go watch his game and make it a family thing?
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  • Mrs.VMrs.V member
    I'm not a permanent SAHM but I will be home with DS until he's 6 months...anways, at first, I would get sad when DH made plans after work b/c I felt so lonely and housebound with the baby but now I don't mind.  He needs to have parts to his life outside of work and home as well.  Just make sure to take time for you as well.
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  • Liz342Liz342 member
    not really...it's one of those "guy leagues" haha, they are just playing for fun. 
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  • Mrs.VMrs.V member
    imageGood2BdaMommy:
    Sometimes I do. Can you go watch his game and make it a family thing?
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  • Mrs.VMrs.V member
    imageGood2BdaMommy:
    Sometimes I do. Can you go watch his game and make it a family thing?
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  • Serendipity*Serendipity*
    My DH doesn't do this but if he did I wouldn't be mad. Why not go to the game? DH played in a basketball league at work last year and I would go to the games. I think now if he played DS and I would go watch sometimes
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  • Mrs.VMrs.V member
    imageGood2BdaMommy:
    Sometimes I do. Can you go watch his game and make it a family thing?
    That's a great idea. DH coaches hockey and I try to go along with him to the games so we get the drives together (1 hour drives) and we can do activities after the game, like go out for dinner, etc.
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  • Serendipity*Serendipity*
    Also, like us, men need their own time away from home and outside of work to destress. I say let him have his time to do things he likes to do and make sure you also have your time. It's very important for both of you to be able to do things you like. Maybe when he has a game or something have him watch your LO one night so you can go do something.
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  • ali-1411ali-1411 member

    If he didn't tell me about it I would be mad.

    But if he calls to say he's going to get a beer after work, then its no big deal.  There are times when I'm waiting at the door for him to get home because I have plans.

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  • Johnston855Johnston855
    I understand what you are going through! My DH goes out and does his thing  and sometimes I get mad b/c I feel like I'm always stuck at home with DS alone which I love don't get me wrong but sometimes you just need some adult time and for you to be able to do things for yourself. And he isn't on a league right? It's just him and friends playing so it not like real games to go watch.
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  • Liz342Liz342 member
    johnston- yes it's just for fun. They can show up or not, it doesn't matter.  I feel bad for him because if all I did was work and come home I would go nuts, but then I think about him only having like 2 hours with me and DD on the days he isn't around and it makes me mad.  If I was away from DD all day, I would pretty much want to be with her every evening during the week...but that's just me!
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  • xmasbabymamaxmasbabymama

    God, I wish my DH's activities were between 6-8. I'm lucky if he is home by 9 and tonight he has hockey at 9:30 and a work dinner tomorrow night. A couple of times a month I get him to come home early so I can go to Junior League meetings or book club, but most weeknights I am on my own. And yes it is tiring.

    I'm only home while on ML for 16 weeks.

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  • EcoBabyEcoBaby
    I wouldn't be happy. I could handle one day a week, but thats it.
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  • amandainmaamandainma member
    Not a SAHM...but if it were constant....I would be annoyed. Every now and again...not an issue.
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  • MosersGirlMosersGirl
    DH plays basketball two nights a week as well, and I really don't mind at all.  He is usually only gone for about an hour and a half, so it's not that bad.  I know he needs his exercise, and he's good about letting me get out to do things when he's home with dd.  I want him to be happy and well-rounded, and playing also helps relieve his stress.  Now if he was doing something almost every night after work, then I would have a problem with it.  But he's not, and it's a nice balance.
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  • MosersGirlMosersGirl
    Also, I disagree with pps who suggested that you go watch him play.  Guys need their own time away to relieve stress, just like we do, and tagging along might not be what he wants (although he might not be open about telling you not to come).  I have a friend who goes to most of her boyfriend's games because she feels like he wants her there, but I have a feeling he just doesn't know how to tell her to let him have his own time. 
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  • NicholeeKNicholeeK
    I don't get mad at him perse, more like I feel trapped more if he isn't home on time. ?We don't see other people besides DH yet, so I go kinda batty if I'm left alone too long. ?It's mostly because I'm tired and I want him to be home so that he can watch the baby and I can have alone time or catch up on whatever it is I need to do. ?I too love my DS more than anything, but it's exhausting watching DS all the time and two more hours is a long time when I'm already tired.
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  • KateVAKateVA member

    imageEcoBaby:
    I wouldn't be happy. I could handle one day a week, but thats it.

    Ditto

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  • ash2ash2 member
    I work from home so Iam here all day with DD. DH goes out two nights a week to the gym and plays basketball on saturday afternoons. Sometimes it gets a little frustrating, but I know he needs his time to relax and do things he enjoys as well. But he is also very good about coming home and watching DD so I can go out. My girlfriend and I go out every Monday night to dinner and I take one night or weekend day to go run errands, shop, etc. You have to figure out what works for you.
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  • jkiss58jkiss58
    I wouldn't be mad b/c DH really doesn't do anything to help me when he is home anyways.
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  • Ally_SAlly_S member

    My husband plays a sport two nights a week and has games on Saturday, sometimes far away.  Plus he goes to the gym on Sundays.  If I've had a rough day at home, he just doesn't go (happened once).  Two nights a week I go to yoga and I run/go to gym 2-3 other times a week.  I think it's important for us to stay healthy and relieve stress.  We still have an hour or so together at night and then most of the weekend - same as before baby.  We did talk about this while I was pregnant, but if it were a surprise I'd be mad.  Or if it was drinks with the boys multiple nights a week.

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