Parenting after a Loss

Re: ***confessions***

  • * I never realized what a bfing prude I am until a woman whipped out a boob for her 6 year old at the LLL meeting. Obviously I didn't say anything. To each his own. I was just surprised.?

    * DD had a major blow-out while i was eating my hot dog. Before i realized what happened, i was wiping it off my pant leg because i thought it was mustard.?


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  • * ds was super fussy/clingy all day and I had no idea what to do for him, he didn't want his swing, chair, playmat, my lap nothing!  I feel very bad for getting frustrated with him about this.

    * our power has gone out 3 times tonight and I am scared to be here alone with ds in the dark. Thankfully its back on and I hope it stays on.

    * Bathing ds in the dark was NOT fun, he didn't seem to notice the small flashlight.

    * I made my non-dairy c.c. cookies and they are pretty good, I have eaten more than I should have.

     

  • *I nurse and rock Allison to sleep every single night.  Tonight I wondered if DH would know how to do it if I got in a horrible accident and died.  It made me sad to think it could be the last time she got rocked to sleep "right".

    *Sometimes I read things here that make me question my parenting.  I know I'm doing what feels right to me, but I worry that I'm not feeling the right feelings!

    *I have been REALLY bad about taking my anti-depressants ever since DH told me I couldn't keep the bottle on the coffee table next to my computer.  I think I've only taken it 3 times in the past 10 days.  I'm noticing a difference!

    *I weigh 12.5 pounds less than my DH and I am outrageously proud.  I don't think I've ever weighed that much less than him.  My goal for my wedding was to not be heavier than him.  I barely made that!

    *A girl I went to HS with is coming to my house tomorrow to buy some cloth diapers from me.  We taught in the same district for a couple of years and had a couple of interactions there, but I really don't know her well at all.  I'm worried that I won't have anything to say to her and it will be awkward.

    *I drink a lot of Crystal Light.  a whole lot.

  • * I'm so happy MI has mini-mission in her siggy. Aunt crazy can't wait to meet her!?
  • *I hate Sunday nights because it means that DH goes back to work. He is such a wonderful help on the weekends and I love spending time with him. *I feel so tied down and it makes me feel guilty.*I love DS, but I worry about SIDS and autism all of the time.
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  • imageberty12777:

    *I nurse and rock Allison to sleep every single night.? Tonight I wondered if DH would know how to do it if I got in a horrible accident and died.? It made me sad to think it could be the last time she got rocked to sleep "right".?

    I nurse & rock every night to and I think about that all the time. I also carry ready to eat formula in the diaper bag & a bottle so that if we're ever in an accident, someone could feed her.?

  • * my mom is officially driving me nuts.  a week was WAY too long for her to come out.  she won't stop chewing ice and i cannot stand it. 

    * i am DREADING mr. soup going to work tomorrow and leaving me with my mom and hadley.

    * part of me is jealous that mr. soup is going to work.  i feel horribly guilty about that because i should be relishing in my time with my daughter.  i am just still so scared and unsure as a mother and i worry i'll mess her up by the time he gets home.

    * i feel horrible that hadley seems to be suffering so much with the reflux.  i wonder if it would make a difference if i formula feed her rather than bf.

  • I am caving and letting LO have a nuk. It seems to make him happy and allows my boobs some free time!
  • imagedaisy58:
    I am caving and letting LO have a nuk. It seems to make him happy and allows my boobs some free time!

    i tried to give hadley a paci last night and she refused to take it.  my poor, poor boobs.

  • imageMayBride2B2007:

    imagedaisy58:
    I am caving and letting LO have a nuk. It seems to make him happy and allows my boobs some free time!

    i tried to give hadley a paci last night and she refused to take it.  my poor, poor boobs.

    I am so sorry! It gets so painful....maybe one of these times she will take it. 

  • *After reading Skat's update above, I got Austin out of his crib and cried while I rocked him. Things like that don't normally get me, but I just feel so bad for that family. I just can't imagine how to go on without him.

    *DH confessed that he feels like a failure because he doesn't get paid enough for me to stay home. I told him that he is doing the best for us by going back to school so he can get a better job. 

    *I miss my mom. I never thought I would, but we have become so close between my dad dying, my wedding, and now Austin's birth. DH applied for a job at home and I really really hope he gets it.  

  • *I was very sad after reading the post Skat directed us to.

    *I feel guilty because I was getting a little frustrated that Sophia wasn't going right to sleep when I put her in her crib awhile ago.  We're so lucky to have her and I'm upset with myself for feeling that way.

    *I'm going to SPOIL the crap out of my baby girl tomorrow (I'm off).

    *DH and I have a counseling session tomorrow afternoon.  I'm not looking forward to it.  We need to discuss a fight we had a few days ago and I know he's going to defend himself and it's going to piss me off.

  • imageMayBride2B2007:

    * my mom is officially driving me nuts.  a week was WAY too long for her to come out.  she won't stop chewing ice and i cannot stand it. 

    * i am DREADING mr. soup going to work tomorrow and leaving me with my mom and hadley.

    * part of me is jealous that mr. soup is going to work.  i feel horribly guilty about that because i should be relishing in my time with my daughter.  i am just still so scared and unsure as a mother and i worry i'll mess her up by the time he gets home.

    * i feel horrible that hadley seems to be suffering so much with the reflux.  i wonder if it would make a difference if i formula feed her rather than bf.

    Probably not - but are you still eating dairy?  that is one of the ONLY things they have found that can alter the chemistry of BM and she maybe a little lactose intolerant. 

  • * My obsessive/crazy side has been peeking through all day. I'm seeing a lawyer tomorrow about the sh!tty week I've been through, and I know my nerves are affecting everything else. I've started obsessing about the guy I'm dating - not necessarily about him but about whether he likes me, whether he's going to cancel our next date, he said x so what if that means y ... stuff like that when I'm normally a little more laid back.?

    * I just feel like everything else is going wrong, so why shouldn't this??

    * This could also be why I've finally called about seeing a dermatologist about some spots - I figure what the heck, everything else sucks right now, why not throw in some skin cancer??

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  • imagesdkrlm:
    imageMayBride2B2007:

    * my mom is officially driving me nuts.  a week was WAY too long for her to come out.  she won't stop chewing ice and i cannot stand it. 

    * i am DREADING mr. soup going to work tomorrow and leaving me with my mom and hadley.

    * part of me is jealous that mr. soup is going to work.  i feel horribly guilty about that because i should be relishing in my time with my daughter.  i am just still so scared and unsure as a mother and i worry i'll mess her up by the time he gets home.

    * i feel horrible that hadley seems to be suffering so much with the reflux.  i wonder if it would make a difference if i formula feed her rather than bf.

    Probably not - but are you still eating dairy?  that is one of the ONLY things they have found that can alter the chemistry of BM and she maybe a little lactose intolerant. 

    i asked the pedi about this on friday and she said not to change my diet yet, though i have significantly cut back on it.  i'm going to call tomorrow because she said if no noticeable difference by monday she would try her on something different instead of the zantac.   

  • * I feel like people are tired of hearing about the fire.  I'm sorry if that's the case and will be more mindful.  I know it's not really uplifting, and with other sad news, I know it's not the worst thing, but it has still been tremendously hard, especially with a new baby.
  • imagebooks4brooke:
    * I feel like people are tired of hearing about the fire.  I'm sorry if that's the case and will be more mindful.  I know it's not really uplifting, and with other sad news, I know it's not the worst thing, but it has still been tremendously hard, especially with a new baby.

    i can't imagine how you would not be able to talk about it.  it was a hugely significant event in your life and you handled it with so much strength it amazed me.  talk about it all you want and need.  i'm happy to listen anytime.

  • imageMayBride2B2007:

    imagebooks4brooke:
    * I feel like people are tired of hearing about the fire.? I'm sorry if that's the case and will be more mindful.? I know it's not really uplifting, and with other sad news, I know it's not the worst thing, but it has still been tremendously hard, especially with a new baby.

    i can't imagine how you would not be able to talk about it.? it was a hugely significant event in your life and you handled it with so much strength it amazed me.? talk about it all you want and need.? i'm happy to listen anytime.

    Agreed. I know I sometimes get so wrapped in my own crap that I fail to acknowledge other's lives - sorry ((hugs))?

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