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NBR: How to get DH to be romantic?(kinda long)

JscaggsJscaggs
in Cincinnati Babies

I'm in a mood tonight so allow me to vent please. ?So DH and I are stretched tight financially this year so for V Day we didn't spend any money on eachother. ?I decided to be creative and made an IOU coupon book with things like backrubs, free romantic dinner, movie night, and other more "grown-up" things lol. ?What did I get? A box of donuts tossed at me when I woke up and what he is now calling "breakfast in bed." WTH? Are you kidding me? I understand if he isn't as creative as I was or whatever, but could I have at least gotten a backrub or foot rub? I've dropped hints everytime he has played his backrub card (3 times this week), but got no response. ?It wasn't just V day that got me upset, it's all the time. ?He doesn't seem to have a romantic bone in his body, pre-baby or post-baby. ?No fun surprises when i get home after a bad day or anything. ?And for Christmas I got a George Foreman grill, something we saw at the store and I said that he would probably like. ?Two years ago I got a frying pan. ?

I used to get flowers every time I went up and saw him when we were dating (he lived in Boston). Now I can count on one hand the amount of times that I've gotten flowers in the past five years. ?

Maybe I'm being selfish, I just want a romantic gesture every once in a while. Or romantic foreplay instead of "babe, lets have sex." ?I think that's why I never want to b/c he just expects it and never wants to try and set the mood. ?

Any advice? ?

Sorry for venting, just in the mood to I guess. Thanks ladies. ?

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Re: NBR: How to get DH to be romantic?(kinda long)

  • JLPT830JLPT830 member

    I don't know if your husband would be open to this, but I just got DH "The 5 Love Languages" for VDay.  We plan to read it together, but I skimmed it before I packaged it up for him and it seems really great. 

    https://tinyurl.com/c3u4kn

    I know it's hard, but guys (at least mine!) don't respond well to criticism.  I have to pick my battles.  I would pick the biggest 1 or 2 things that are bothering you.  Write down what the problem is, how it makes you feel, and how you think it could be remedied.  But be open to letting him give suggestions too.  I've found that if I take some ownership of the problem and not totally blame DH it goes over much better, and, truth be told, I'm not totally without fault.  You aren't going to change him, but maybe you can help him understand what is important to you.

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  • Mommy2MaxMommy2Max
    I too wish that I could help you... but Tim too has no romantic bone in his body.  I am curious to see what kind of responses you get.
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  • adamsbabbleadamsbabble member

    Have you tried being open with him rather than just dropping hints?  If you have, great, because being open and honest and communicating with each other is important.  If not, then try it.  I don't know your DH but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is a good guy who loves you, and might actually take it to heart if you told him how you're feeling.  It seems pretty unfair to expect him (or anyone) to read your mind, even if it seems to you that something like romance should be obvious. 

    Another big thing for me is that I don't compare my DH to other people's DH's.  It's easy to do it when you hear someone AWing the romantic thing their DH planned out for them, but those romantic DH's have their shortcomings and imperfections too - there isn't one of them that isn't guilty of leaving their socks on the floor (even mine who is a neat freak), ignoring you all day to watch ESPN and being insensitive on the worst day of your life.  Your basically comparing your DH's worst to another DH's best.

    Also, the book recommended above is a fantastic read!  My DH & I have both read it.  Another recommendation - DH & I watched the BEST movie last night!  It's called Fireproof with Kirk Cameron.  I would say it's not too far off from what a lot of married couples go through in real life, even very happily married couple from time to time.  And it would be an inexpensive date to just go rent it and watch it together :)

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  • kel716kel716 member
    imageadamsbabble:

    Another big thing for me is that I don't compare my DH to other people's DH's.  It's easy to do it when you hear someone AWing the romantic thing their DH planned out for them, but those romantic DH's have their shortcomings and imperfections too - there isn't one of them that isn't guilty of leaving their socks on the floor (even mine who is a neat freak), ignoring you all day to watch ESPN and being insensitive on the worst day of your life.  Your basically comparing your DH's worst to another DH's best.

    Ditto this.  It is so easy to watch a friend get something from her dh, and wish yours would do the same.  We all have shortcomings; no one is perfect.  You might try to tell him what you want, but my dh does not respond well to a whole lot of criticism.  I'd choose your battle. 

    Something else I've found is that me doing something nice for my dh can in turn trigger something for me.  While the cards are really cute, he's redeeming a coupon.. he asked for what he got!  Maybe try doing something more spontaneous and you'll get something in return.  This doesn't always work... but when it does it really is quite nice!

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  • riabironriabiron member

    I second Adams Babble about talking to him.

    You have to S P E L L  I T  O U T for him. Give him examples, show him websites or items you like.

    He won't know how much it upsets you unless you tell him.

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