Just curious, does your Mom know about your IF?

marbear81 · February 2009

or is it something you keep between yourself and DH? I made the mistake of telling my Mom and all I get is speeches that I need to believe in God and "have faith" etc. I am religious believe me, but I don't go to church every Sunday... nor do I need a lecture or a daily preaching session.. it doesn't take the pain away.. it doesn't change anything!!!!! I sent her the link to "I Would Die For That" on youtube thinking she would be able to understand how I feel.. but that resulted in yet another preaching session.. I wish she would just lay off! Crying

She truly has no idea what I'm going through!

oct11bride03 · February 2009

She does and I regret it. We have always been close and I thought she would be supportive, and she is, but not in the way I need her to be. It's caused a lot of tension between us and her and my stepdad. If I could go back, I wouldn't have said a word.

naflmj · February 2009

My mom does not know and I doubt she would even say much to me about it if she did but I am worried of who else she may tell (of course not intentionally)...I could see my grandmother hearing and the preaching would begin.

Sara Scissors · February 2009

I'm so sorry you're mother's response was not what you were hoping. My mom does know about our IF, she has since the beginning. It's not something I could keep from her, we talk like 5 times a day! Also she went through TTTC with endo for 2 years before getting pg with me, so I'm assuming that helped her understand my feelings. Although now she's not only supportive, she's also making sure DH is doing his "business" when he needs to, etc. Makes us a bit uncomfortable, but I guess when you have IF you throw your modesty out the window!

Hopefully time will help her better understand. There's a lot of mis-information out there (i.e.: octomom!) about IF and treatments. I found once my family and friends learned what it was all about, they better understood. GOOD LUCK!

justsayjo · February 2009

I told my mom after a few IUIs but she's been ok about it. She's very religious but I am not, and she doesn't lecture me about anything anymore. It's impossible for anyone not living through this to truly understand. Even a friend of mine whose sister did IVF resulting in her niece just glazes over when I talk about it. I've toyed with keeping a very detailed journal about what I go through to help people understand, but then I think that will drive me even crazier! I hope it gets easier for you!

Tarahville · February 2009

My mom does know and she has been more than supportive. She calls me regularly to make sure I'm doing ok and sends me cards to tell me she's thinking of us.

Sometimes she doesn't know what to say and when that happens she just says that she's sorry and she wishes she could take away the pain. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship and surprisingly my IF has brought us closer together.

I'm so sorry your mom doesn't understand or give you the support that you need. Maybe there is a way to just tell her that you no longer would like to discuss it with her and when she brings it up, change the subject. ((HUGS))

chosner82 · February 2009

oct11bride03:
She does and I regret it. We have always been close and I thought she would be supportive, and she is, but not in the way I need her to be

That's how it is with my mom. She acknowledges what I'm going through, but she's not really there for me like I wish that she would be. My stepmom has been quite awesome through everything though. Her and my dad went through the same thing so she understands the emotions of it all.

SarahandAngel · February 2009

I used to talk to my mom about it but she has started to be a real downer. I stopped telling her things. She doesn't know that we did IUI. I just feel like it is hard enough to go through this and I don't need her making negative comments. I know she doens't mean it with any malice but just don't need to hear it. We used to be really close and pretty much still are but last year she left my dad after 39 years of marriage she has become kind of bitter and I can't stand negative people and she used to be so positive. Hope that doesn't happen to me!

ashely929 · February 2009

I was very open with my parents, and my husbands parents. I was adopted at birth, and so either way we plan on adopting, but my adoptive mother has IF issues. And had 5 m/c's. I before I was adopted, and 4 afterwards. My mom is my biggest support system, as well as my husband. I am very sorry that your mom doesn't understand. ((hugs))

SheWoreScarletBegonias · February 2009

My mom does know about it, and is really great about it, She has always been super supportive about it, not preachy and a few times helped give me the kick in the a$$ I needed (like when I was down in the dumps, she'd tell me "I didn't raise you to be a quitter, you are going to pick yourself up and keep moving forward).

when I had a pretty big breakdown after IUI#1 was a CP, she cried with me on the phone and told me she desperately wants a grandchild but not at the expense of her daughter suffering through heartache and emotional distress.

(of course, she did toss in the conversation at one point, that "lots of people take a break and stop TTC and thats when they get PG"-- and I almost wanted to hang up the phone, but I didn't because she only meant well by it)

Its so tough for anyone who hasn't experienced IF-- they just don't understand.

Jenn

Tonya_G · February 2009

Yes, and I'm glad she knows. She's very supportive. My dad, on the other hand, thinks we're wasting our money, because if God means for us to get pregnant again, we will- uh, thanks dad, but can't very well get pregnant if you're not ovulating, and all the praying in the world isn't going to change my PCOS diagnosis.

pbsubs79 · February 2009

My Mom has a HUGE mouth, so I haven't told her anything. I talk to my Dad about it. He deals with it like most men, "it'll all work out!" but it's great to have his support.

jktupis · February 2009

YES!!!!! My mom has known since the very beginning. She has been my biggest supporter (not that many other family members know the extent of our problems). She has even come to a few appointments with me since DH works in healthcare, he spends 90+ hours a week at the hospital taking care of other people. I think my DH appreciates that my mom is so supportive and is always there for me, it really takes the pressure off of him.

krissyh21 · February 2009

They only reason I told the people I told was because I knew they would be a support rather then a hinderance to this whole thing. My sister was the first to drudge the water with IF, so I knew my mother would be a good support to me as she was to her.

I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. I could not imagine how difficult it is to not have supportive people while going through this. Maybe you should stop talking to her about all of this? There are people who will get in and some who never will - unfortunatly

lovemymonkey · February 2009

she does, and overall I don't regret it. She's been really supportive, but it does drive me a little nuts that she tends to "hover". Not physically hover over me, but I'll get phone calls all the time with her asking,"sooo, how are you? are you getting enough rest? are you working too much? are you eating enough? do you need me to come over and make you food? don't go out so much, stay home and rest...blah blah blah" It's kind of annoying and I find myself letting her calls go to voicemail a lot, but I know she means well.

marbear81 · February 2009

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse. . . here's the latest from the greatest!

I know how you feel, and I never doubted your love to God and believing in him. Sometime we don't see or understand his wisdom or why these things happen because we are only human with limited vision and logic but God knows what we need without even asking. He gives us more than we need in his time. I am not trying to preach you - I love you and I know how you feel and what you are passing through, just every time you are down or in doubt of what is happening remember one thing, God loves you and he send his only son to die on the cross for you. He will help you and give you more than you wish or dream if you just keep the faith. I am always here for you, you are part of me and what hurts you hurts me and more! If it's up to me I would give my life for you to see you happy, but we have to believe in God's will? He knows better than us and with our faith in him it will happen and you will be happy. I love you.

Please help me see how this is NOT preaching?! Indifferent

Suzi-G- · February 2009

She does, she was also IF for a long time so I thought she would understand and for the most part she does. But her problems were different from mine and she already has her happy ending (she had kids) so I still don't feel like she fully gets it. We're not religious but she still says things like "you just have to trust that it will happen when the time is right." She says that because SHE feels like all her waiting was for the best and she had her kids when she was "supposed to" but I'm a lot older than she was when she started and there is NO guarantee. She seems to think there is, since it worked out for her, it will work out for me. Sigh. Sorry that turned into a bit of a vent. It's frustrating. I struggle with faith everyday and you're right, someone preaching at you doesn't help. I'm sorry, [[[hugs]]]

marbear81 · February 2009

ashely929:
I was very open with my parents, and my husbands parents. I was adopted at birth, and so either way we plan on adopting, but my adoptive mother has IF issues. And had 5 m/c's. I before I was adopted, and 4 afterwards. My mom is my biggest support system, as well as my husband. I am very sorry that your mom doesn't understand. ((hugs))

My FIL passed away but I can't imagine telling my MIL about IF... I think she would blame it all on me. . . and say something like "did you know about this before you married my son???" UGH

RachelG83 · February 2009

No she doesn't. We're not close at all and I'm adopted so we've never discussed this stuff. I don't know why she adopted but even if she had IF I can't see her being supportive to me at all. Every time I think about talking to her about something that's important to me or means something to me she blows it up in the opposite direction and I regret even thinking she'd be nice about whatever it is.

I wish your mom had a better response and I'm sorry she's not helping.

hillaree · February 2009

No, I haven't told her. It's funny because we're really open about our IF generally, but I don't feel like she would be very supportive so we're not telling her...at this point at least.

I'm sorry things are rough with your mom!

Goldengirl16 · February 2009

My mom does know and so does my dad, but I work with them so it's hard to be away for so many doctor's appointments without them knowing what's going on. They're very supportive, but sometimes I just don't want to talk about it.

jensneb · February 2009

My mom is being the same way and lately DH is too, he says it'll happen when God thinks the time is right. I believe in God but if my body isn't working on its own, it makes me hard to leave it to faith..

MoFree · February 2009

We are newly diagnosed, in fact my husband's first urologist appointment is tomorrow, so we haven't told anyone. I don't think I would tell her, especially since our issues are due to male factors, and I feel protective of my husband. My mother's sister had several m/c between her daughter and son, but in my mother's mind that is not infertility. While my mother is a very loving and supportive person by nature, I don't want to share this part of my life with her and I could easily imagine her saying something about "If only you'd relax," which is something infertile couples do not want to hear.

I'm so sorry to all of you with unsupportive mothers.

marbear81 · February 2009

jensneb:
My mom is being the same way and lately DH is too, he says it'll happen when God thinks the time is right. I believe in God but if my body isn't working on its own, it makes me hard to leave it to faith..

marbear81 · February 2009

Whoops. . . I couldn't resist so AMEN SISTER ;-)

roxydaisy · February 2009

Yes, she does know. My whole family knows, actually. I sometimes wish she didn't know because she has a tendency to say the wrong thing. I do keep some of the details from her and tend to explain situations to her like she's a kindergartner. And I really don't hold back my frustrations with her either. If she asks me something for the millionth time or tries to tell me about a friend of a friend who did xyz and got pregnant I will tell her straight up that she's not helping.

Dr.Loretta · February 2009

Yes, I told my mom when I had my first m/c. MIL just found out last weekend when we told her we're adopting. They reacted pretty well.

It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your mom that, although she's trying to help, her comments are very hurtful and make you not want to confide in her any more.

marbear81 · February 2009

I just re-read my Mom's email.... I mean seriously, would anyone find comfort in this????

I know how you feel, and I never doubted your love to God and believing in him. Sometime we don't see or understand his wisdom or why these things happen because we are only human with limited vision and logic but God knows what we need without even asking. He gives us more than we need in his time. I am not trying to preach you - I love you and I know how you feel and what you are passing through, just every time you are down or in doubt of what is happening remember one thing, God loves you and he send his only son to die on the cross for you. He will help you and give you more than you wish or dream if you just keep the faith. I am always here for you, you are part of me and what hurts you hurts me and more! If it's up to me I would give my life for you to see you happy, but we have to believe in God's will? He knows better than us and with our faith in him it will happen and you will be happy. I love you.

Dr.Loretta · February 2009

marbear81:

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse. . . here's the latest from the greatest!

I know how you feel, and I never doubted your love to God and believing in him. Sometime we don't see or understand his wisdom or why these things happen because we are only human with limited vision and logic but God knows what we need without even asking. He gives us more than we need in his time. I am not trying to preach you - I love you and I know how you feel and what you are passing through, just every time you are down or in doubt of what is happening remember one thing, God loves you and he send his only son to die on the cross for you. He will help you and give you more than you wish or dream if you just keep the faith. I am always here for you, you are part of me and what hurts you hurts me and more! If it's up to me I would give my life for you to see you happy, but we have to believe in God's will? He knows better than us and with our faith in him it will happen and you will be happy. I love you.

Please help me see how this is NOT preaching?!

It's her awkward way of telling you that, no matter what, she loves you and wants to be there for you. I don't see it as particularly preachy (not like she's saying, "Just believe in God and you'll get pregnant"), I see it more as her way of saying, "God is there for you, and so am I, so don't give up hope."

mikiesgirl70106 · February 2009

ashely929:
I was very open with my parents, and my husbands parents. I was adopted at birth, and so either way we plan on adopting, but my adoptive mother has IF issues. And had 5 m/c's. I before I was adopted, and 4 afterwards. My mom is my biggest support system, as well as my husband. I am very sorry that your mom doesn't understand. ((hugs))

Ashley are we sure we're not related somehow? This my situation with my mother too and I too was adopted at birth. My mother did end up pregnant 10 yrs later after adopting me with twins. And my brother are healthy and big 16 yr olds.

liturgicalgirl · February 2009

Yes. ?She's very supportive. ?Same with my dad.

MIL and FIL, on the other hand, love us very much but have not been able to understand IF very well. ?For now, they don't know about our IVF. ??

EastCoastGirl* · February 2009

She does not know. She struggled for a long time to get pregnant with me (over 3 years). She is very, very close to my cousin, who went through IVF three times before becoming pregnant with twins, and I know that she was nothing but supportive to her.

She has never asked me directly when / if we will be having children, but I suspect she knows we may be trying, given how long we've been married, and she has made the "If God blesses you with children" comment once. I guess I'm just afraid to tell her, because I don't want to talk about it all the time (other than with DH), and also because I don't know that I'd be able to help her through her grief if we weren't successful, as we are undecided about adoption at this point. I almost think, were I never able to get pregnant, that it might be better if she thought we decided to never have children.

ladychicago · February 2009

MY mom doesn't know. but my MIL knows. dh told his parents about his bad SA results, and they know we've been trying a long time. but dh's brother has also been through IF (4 cycles IVF...2 failed, 2 successful), so this is familiar territory for them.

but my parents don't know. all I've told her is that we "know it'll be hard for us to have kids" so it is something we appreciate not being asked about b/c it is an emotional topic. so far, she's respected our wishes.

ashely929 · February 2009

marbear81:

ashely929:
I was very open with my parents, and my husbands parents. I was adopted at birth, and so either way we plan on adopting, but my adoptive mother has IF issues. And had 5 m/c's. I before I was adopted, and 4 afterwards. My mom is my biggest support system, as well as my husband. I am very sorry that your mom doesn't understand. ((hugs))

My FIL passed away but I can't imagine telling my MIL about IF... I think she would blame it all on me. . . and say something like "did you know about this before you married my son???" UGH

I feel horrible for you. I can't even imagine someone saying that to me, let alone my MIL. I can't understand how people can make comments like that, when it's not any of our faults that we have IF issues. I wish I could do something to help you out. This is an emotional thing that we are all going thru, and to have family members not show love and support just makes me sad.

ashely929 · February 2009

mikiesgirl70106:

ashely929:
I was very open with my parents, and my husbands parents. I was adopted at birth, and so either way we plan on adopting, but my adoptive mother has IF issues. And had 5 m/c's. I before I was adopted, and 4 afterwards. My mom is my biggest support system, as well as my husband. I am very sorry that your mom doesn't understand. ((hugs))

Ashley are we sure we're not related somehow? This my situation with my mother too and I too was adopted at birth. My mother did end up pregnant 10 yrs later after adopting me with twins. And my brother are healthy and big 16 yr olds.

I love meeting people that have similar situations as I do. We should keep in touch.

My adoptive mother sobbed when I told her that I as unexplained w/ signs of endo...b/c that is what she had, and she kept saying, "by adopting you, I figured you wouldn't have to go thru the same struggles as me" I really couldn't imagine being raised by anyone else. I love my parents!

piccolina09 · February 2009

Yes, she does and she sounds like a bit like yours. She is very faithful, Italian Catholic and she preaches "its just not your time yet" which of course is frustrating, but in the end I am glad I told her because I can't go on pretending being my happy self anymore while carrying around the huge cloud of IF over me!

Quizzle · February 2009

We finally told our parents at Christmas, after 20 months of TTC. My mom was really upset we hadn't told her earlier.... especially about the m/c. Then she gave us money for IVF! Unfortunately some more of our family knows now, because she told her sister who told my cousin. At least my cousin's in-law used my RE so they're all happy with me choosing him....

So she's pretty supportive, although I don't think she really understands... She had a bit of IF, I think, but I suspect she was told by doctors not to TTC again for her health after I was born. My brother is adopted.

I would be really really upset at anyone who told me to just trust in god... Mostly because I'm not religious, but also because I hate that 'god will give you children when it's time' business.

frustrated and ttc · February 2009

All my mom says is" Ya know, you should really loose some weight. If you loose weight you'll get pg!" Grrr! I wish i would have never said anything!

mybobble · February 2009

My mom knows about my i/f . In the begining she used to give me some "suggestions" on how to get pg. Once I finally sat down w/ her and explained that none of those things would ever work I think she finally realized that my i/f was serious. Not that she didn't take it seriously before but I think that last conversation really stuck.

She's been very supportive and Im glad I told her. My 2 sisters also know of my i/f issues. My father and grandmother know Im having "issues". Dh's family knows I have i/f issues but not 100% so they still give us a hard time about "taking our time" to have a baby.

Dh finally told his dad over the weekend that the only way we'll ever get pg is through ivf. Fil's comment? "What does that cost 2 or 3 thousand bucks? So dh told him that was what my meds cost I think he realized that this was serious business.

smilee · February 2009

My mom is no longer alive. ?We had been TTTC while she was still alive, but I did not have a chance to focus on the fact that we were having issues until after she passed away.

If she were here, she would know everything and I know she would be supportive. ??

wvu2000 · February 2009

Yes, both my parents and DH's parents. They are both supportive. My dad came and picked up my son early in the morning to take him to daycare early so I could get my HSG done. It was scheduled at the hospital and I had to be there really early. So he picked he up to help me and DH. My mom offers to help as well.

My sister and DH have IF(MFI). They had sucess on their second IVF. My mom also had IF trouble as well. So they understand and are always helpful.

Want a personalized experience?

Just curious, does your Mom know about your IF?

Re: Just curious, does your Mom know about your IF?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards