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Need opinions re DHs family ...

kylara111kylara111 member
in Parenting

I don't even know where to begin with this.  There's a lot of history here, but I'm going to try to keep it short.  Do you formally invite your parents to things involving your DC like birthdays?  For me, it usually comes up in conversation with my parents and they just come by.  Its not even a party.  My parents come, we cut a cake and that's it.

DHs parents are not as involved with DH.  Its a long story, but its always been a distant relationship.  They've only seen Sydney once and that was for her baptism last summer.  In fact, that's the last time we've seen them.  DH doesn't have a problem with it and has accepted it at this point.  He's tried to invite them for things and they usually come up with excuses why they can't come. 

So back to the birthday.  My parents came for dinner on Sydney's birthday.  DHs parents got mad.  I mean, they know when her birthday is and could have arranged to come if they were interested.  That's what my parents did.  Do we really have to formally invite them?  My family just doesn't work that way so maybe I'm missing something here.

 

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Re: Need opinions re DHs family ...

  • monchichimonchichi member

    You shouldn't have to formally invite them IMO. ?Did they even call on her birthday? ?How did they find out?

    ?

    P.S.- I love the name Sydney Winter!?

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  • LeoChicLeoChic

    Well, I'd say that your family may work that way but his doesn't.  So, I think that needs to be considered. 

    Plus, if you aren't close to them as you say, then there wouldn't be an opportunity for it to casually get mentioned. 

    In the future, I would make it a point to have DH call his parent's to invite them to events surrounding the children:  birthdays, baptisms, etc.  It's up to them whether they come or not but at least you've invited them.

    Not all families work the same way and one isn't right or wrong but both need to be respected.

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  • oparcmoparcm
    Well it sounds like your Sydney and my Sydney have the same paternal grandparents.  I agree with you.  BTW, my dd did not get a call/visit on her birthday from dh's parents.  weird just weird.
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  • KrisBriMcBunnyKrisBriMcBunny member

    It depends on  what your definition of "formal" invitation.  I always call our parents and say hey we are having cake for so-so's birthday you wanna come over.  Same thing for dinner.

    Sometimes our parents ask if we are doing anything for anyones birthday.

    Kristie

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  • lizlemon77lizlemon77
    My family doesn't work that way either but since you know that his does, I would say that if you want them to be engaged with your DD you need to take that into consideration.  Invite them.  If they don't show or have an excuse at least they can't be angry with you for not including them. 
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  • kylara111kylara111 member
    imagemonchichi:

    You shouldn't have to formally invite them IMO.  Did they even call on her birthday?  How did they find out?

     

    P.S.- I love the name Sydney Winter! 

    Thank you! 

    They did call on her birthday and that's how they knew my parents were here.

     

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  • kylara111kylara111 member

    imagelizlemon77:
    My family doesn't work that way either but since you know that his does, I would say that if you want them to be engaged with your DD you need to take that into consideration.  Invite them.  If they don't show or have an excuse at least they can't be angry with you for not including them. 

    You're probably right.

    I've told DH to do this in the past but when they start making excuses time and time again I really think it hurts him and he stops trying.

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  • kylara111kylara111 member

    imageoparcm:
    Well it sounds like your Sydney and my Sydney have the same paternal grandparents.  I agree with you.  BTW, my dd did not get a call/visit on her birthday from dh's parents.  weird just weird.

    That's not weird. Its sad!  They did call on Sydney's birthday, but there have been times when neither of DHs parents have called him for his birthday.  I think that's awful.

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  • oparcmoparcm
    You're right it is sad but I've learned that that is not going to change.  DH parents do not call him on his birthday either.  Wanna hear something really weird?  They hate me but they come by on my birthday (unannounced and crash my day).  Know why? MIL birthday is a few days later.  Now how is that for odd?  Her own son, nothing.  Me a visit.
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  • kylara111kylara111 member

    imageoparcm:
    You're right it is sad but I've learned that that is not going to change.  DH parents do not call him on his birthday either.  Wanna hear something really weird?  They hate me but they come by on my birthday (unannounced and crash my day).  Know why? MIL birthday is a few days later.  Now how is that for odd?  Her own son, nothing.  Me a visit.

    Oh, wow. You need to start going OUT for your birthday!  ;-)

    Ugh, ILs. 

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  • katie277skatie277s
    I wouldn't say you need to formally invite them, but I always mention it to my IL's and parents when I plan to have their party.  I usually send out evites to the family.  I would think that his family would ask you when you were planning on having a "party" and then go from there. 
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  • kylara111kylara111 member

    imagekatie277s:
    I wouldn't say you need to formally invite them, but I always mention it to my IL's and parents when I plan to have their party.  I usually send out evites to the family.  I would think that his family would ask you when you were planning on having a "party" and then go from there. 

    I guess I just don't consider my parents and a cake a party.  ;-)  But in the future, I'm just going to tell DH to mention the fact that we're having cake so that they can't say they weren't invited.

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