DH is cheating on me..I think

BusterJess · February 2009

So I suspect DH is cheating on me. Long story short we been having a lot of problems in our marriage. He basically told me he does not have the same feelings for me. He said he needed his space so he goes out almost every night but does not come home until 2:30am. I have no idea where he even goes. I checked his call records and I saw a lot of incoming private calls, which is werid. Also when he goes out he pays cash for everything. I am trying to think positive here, I don't want to confront him unless I am really sure or have some proof. How can I catch him if he really is cheating. I can't follow him at night because I have 2 kids at home to take care of. Any advice would be great. Thanx ladies.

Read2Me · February 2009

((((hugs))) ?I am so sorry you are going through this- that really sucks that your husband is treating you that way. ?I don't have any advice other than to ask him and hope for the best.

BusterJess · February 2009

I forgot to mention that we been having problems since Dec and back then I asked him if there was another woman and he said no. But if he really was cheating I don't think he would even confess.

Dani123 · February 2009

Ouch! that sucks! Sry you have to deal with that....do you know him as a cheater? Has he ever cheated before?? Its hard to speculate or confront someone about something without proof....Is he a text messager?? Some companies like Sprint actually show the content of the texts online if you log in....Also you cant text to a private number so the actual numbers will be there, and times, if it doesnt show the message content. Is there a mutual friend you can trust to talk to? Other than that, you might just have to ask him about it....

Why is he still in the house if hes coming and going as he pleases?

PaigeC1981 · February 2009

Oh, no! Honey, I'm so sorry! No one should have to go through this. He goes out every night? Does he spend anytime with the kids or help you out taking care of them? I'm going to be really practical here and tell you to start saving up some money in case you need to get out on your own. I don't know if he's cheating or not, by his actions are suspicious at the very least. Life is too short to put up with that. ::hugs::

Good luck with whatever you decide.

FolanMama · February 2009

circle your wagons!

Get your finances in order, call a counselor, think about having yourself tested by a doc for STDs, and set up a place for you and the kids to go if you need to.

AFTER you have done these things, get someone to watch the kids and follow him. You deserve to know what is up, and chances are, he is not going to tell you. Also, get into his email/facebook/myspace.... it may save you a trip out of the house.

After you know what is what, you can make a decision from there-- try to make it work with the help of a counselor, jump ship, or try a separation. There is no one right answer for every person.

Other than that, know that you have lots of ladies on here who are worried for you and are more than willing to listen to your vents FLAME FREE whenever you need to. Good Luck! And hopefully, you are wrong.

marriedchick06 · February 2009

Wow, I am sooo very sorry. No one should have to go through this. Your DH's actions do sound a suspicious. And that is so crappy of him to be going out every night until 2:30. it is not fair to you or your children!!! I think others gave some great advice so I won't say it again. But I am seroiusly soooo sorry! ((hugs))

franciscaz · February 2009

(((HUGS))) You all need to get in some counseling right away and if he won't go, go by yourself b/c it will make you stronger. There is no way to just hope and wish problems this deep will go away. GL!!!! My heart is breaking for you right now!!!!!!!!! Hopefully it isn't what it looks like.

gisellems · February 2009

i'm so sorry you are going through this! ((hugs)) once i heard of this website call survivinginfidelity.com people that have discovered their husband/wife/partner cheating get on there to tell their stories, i think also there is a lot of advice on how to catch them. i hope this helps any, and i hope things get better and you guys are able to work things out..

KristinKD · February 2009

I'm so, so sorry, Jess. I really hope it isn't true.

I agree with FolanMama that you need to figure out a back-up plan to protect you and your children. However, you shouldn't be the one to leave the house if it comes to that; you should have him leave instead.

Have you considered marriage counseling? I mean, outside of the possible cheating, the fact that he said that he doesn't have the same feelings for you deserves more discussion than the two of you could probably get into together. He is being selfish, and it's unfair to both you and your children that he is going out almost every night.

I'd suggest asking him one more time if he's cheating. He might feel differently than he did in December and may come clean. Otherwise, I'm not sure how you can figure out for certain that he is cheating on you without spying on him. I don't know that I'd advise you to try to follow him. I just don't see that ending well.

I wish I had more advice. Please keep us updated and come here if you ever need to vent! Good luck and hugs to you.

bmk112302 · February 2009

Cheating or not you already have evidence of some pretty big problems. I would not tolerate my DH going out all hours and not telling me where etc. If you want to save your marriage and/or find out the truth I think you need to sit down and have a serious discussion about the things you have said above. If he is intent on staying then he needs to change his ways or pack his bags. Otherwise, I would go ahead and hire a divorce lawyer and set up surveillance.

FaeryStarGazer · February 2009

Get your finances in order, call a counselor, think about having yourself tested by a doc for STDs, and set up a place for you and the kids to go if you need to.

Ditto this, but I wouldn't follow his stupidass. If you think he could be cheating, if you think he has it in him to disrespect you like that than forget following him. Get the hell outta Dodge. My former BFF strung her H along for seven years until he finally wised up. Notice I said former... Do not let it get that far.

momofolivia · February 2009

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I think that him going out to all hours of the night is worth separation and/or counseling, so the addition of the cheating is just one more thing.

Agree with pp. [[hugs]]

momofolivia · February 2009

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I think that him going out to all hours of the night is worth separation and/or counseling, so the addition of the cheating is just one more thing.

Agree with pp. [[hugs]]

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