And it's really ok to tell me if I am. My mom is throwing me a shower this weekend (my first) and I am soooo excited. DH's sisters and mom were invited, but none of them are coming for reasons that are just stupid. I'm upset that they're not coming, but whatever. I'll get over it. But what really makes it worse is this - they've all said that they're not planning to send gifts, either. Now, the way I was raised is that if you are invited somewhere (showers, etc) and can't go, you send a gift in your place - especially if it's family. DH asked his family if they were planning on sending gifts and they said "no, why would we? we aren't coming!" I was actually pretty hurt by this! Not only for me, but for DH. That's his family and our son is their grandson/nephew!!! Am I overreacting? Should I not be upset about this?
Re: Am I overreacting?
I would be upset.
I was raised the same way, you can't make it you send a gift either way.
Baby #2 MC June 2008
Baby #3 Born April 2009
Baby #4 due date February 2015
Ditto that.
I can totally understand why you're upset. I mean its just good ol fashion manners to send a gift in your place and if family cant do that, its pretty hurtful. But a lot of people are like that. If they dont go they wont send gifts...I really dont get the reason, its probably selfish but its still hurtful.
I think people will tell you that you are being greedy, "expecting" a gift.
But I think in my heart of hearts, I'd be hurt too.
Maybe they are planning on bringing gifts after the baby is born or next time they see you? IDK
I mean I know a shower is a gift-giving event and me, personally, would never not send a gift if I couldn't make it but at the same time I don't expect every single person that shows or doesn't show to bring a gift because they were invited. I figure if you bring a gift, great!! If not, oh well.
Still, I could see your frustration because this is family and they should be a bit more supportive, if not for you, for their own son/brother.
He didn't flat out ask them if they were bringing gifts, it came up in conversation. His mom asked if I was getting excited about the shower, and he said yes. Then he said that we were both excited to already have gotten some gifts from people who weren't able to make it. That's how it came up.
From what I know, if you are not attending a shower you don't have to send a gift -- if you choose to do so, it's very kind/generous, etc., but as you aren't attending you aren't obligated.
That being said, they are immediate family -- I can't believe they wouldn't want to get something for the baby! I can't imagine my sister or SIL not getting something for me, regardless of whether she attended the shower or not (Mom and MIL are throwing the shower as their gift, and bought our furniture).
I agree. I mean, I certainly don't expect gifts from people who can't make it. I am so grateful for everything I have gotten and would never be upset with anyone for not sending a gift. I was just hurt because this is his family, and now my family and it just seems like they don't care that much, that's all. I know not everyone was raised like me, that's why I asked if I was overreacting.... which I know I probably am a bit!
Exactly. It's not a greed thing, that I have to have presents - it's more of a "why wouldn't you want to" thing. Oh well - it is what it is. I am not going to let it ruin my day, that's for sure!