Ok, curious - if you found out about SK after you were together

Re: Ok, curious - if you found out about SK after you were together

• riabiron member

  January 2009

  We knew there was a possibility that SD was his but we didn't know for sure. BM was pregnant when DH & I started dating. He told me on our third date that he might be a father and that he planned on being involved. As long as he wanted to be an involved father I was okay with it. We finally got the paternity test results when the SD was 6 months old (not for lack of trying to get it done earlier, that is a long story) and sure enough SD is ours. By that time we were in love and he was about to propose. The rest is history.

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• J+R

  January 2009

  We (as in both DH and I) found out about SD when she was 8 years old... that was almost 6 years ago and we've been together for 9. Neither of us had any idea (we live over 1,000 miles away on opposite sides of the country).  DH had a "three night stand" when he was very young (summer fling) and then BM went back to her neck of the woods... Nothing came of it, she told him she was pregnant but that it was another guys (she was still in school at the time).  DH and I met, dated a long long time, got engaged and then found out.  By the time we found out - we were already in it for the long haul (years by that point).  BM called out of the blue and said that she "may" be his.  DH was accepting to the fact but I cant say that he wasnt freaked out... SD was already getting molded into who she was.  BM was unstable and still living with her parents... SD was constantly tardy in school, etc.  We started having her come down in the summers (started out slowly with 2 weeks and eventually it was all summer).  Due to the lack of supervision in her BMs home, we were shocked at the behavior problems that occured.  We decided to cut the visits back down to only a few weeks as she seems to do better.  We try to talk and foster a relationship as much as we can/she wants right now. 

  Was I freaked out? At first... no, I was okay with it and thought that it would be a "big happy family" Then I met BM, saw the behavioral problems that SD had, and then realized that it was not going to be all sunshine - we would have many thunderstorms... So here I am - hoping that each day forward is better and that I will develop a healthy/nurturing relationship with my SD and that she will also do that with her dad.

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• agoodthing

  January 2009

  riabiron.  Your story sounds a lot  like ours.   DH and I were one of those love at first sight couples and we were pretty serious within two months of dating. That's when he got the call from BM that she was pregnant and keeping it.  They had not been in a relationship- he was just a dating bachelor when he met me and she was a friend with benefits.  DH flipped out. She had lied about being on the pill in hope that a baby would move them into relationship status.  Yes she manipulated him but he put himself at her mercy by leaving birth control in her hands so here we are.

  LittleJen 22, it was not smooth sailing.  I was very jealous.  very hurt.  I had finally found MY true love and just as soon as I found him, I found out that he wasnt all MINE.  This other woman and her baby were coming on the scene.  But after the shock wore off, we decided to stay together.  We had found true love.  SD was conceived three weeks before we met so she must have been meant to be. Of course, BM hates me. She has done and said a lot of nasty things. I get it. How much would it hurt to have a guy propose to someone else while you are pregnant?  But she has to lay in the bed she made, just like DH does.  So I dont apologize for my happy marriage.  And I realize that I am actullay lucky as a stepmon, because DH does not have a bond with SD that precedes me so I don't feel like an outsider to their relationship.  And I hope that SD won't see me as an outsider as she gets older.

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• riabiron member

  January 2009

  I am super glad I don't have to deal with exwife issues and that all my sd has every known is daddy and mia on one hand and mommy on the other.

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• eschlick

  January 2009

  Before we even started dating DH had told me that his ex was 3 months pregnant and he was pretty sure it was his.  However, this did not make the situation any easier for me but it does for SS because he has never known any different.  I have always been around.

  

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