Would you terminate?

jenerally

If you found out, let's say at your 20w sonogram, that your baby had a severe deformity or abnormality -- we're talking impacting quality of life, both for your family and for baby -- would you terminate at that point?

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TheFannins729

Never. 

N&G 5_26_07

i really don't know what I would do in that situation. It would require many many long discussions with DH. And many tears. I really do not know...

rab2006

That's a hard question. I guess it would depend on what the deformity/abnormality was, the estimated lifespan of the baby (would it even survive the rest of pregnancy and delivery)? Now that I'm pregnant, I'd probably try to get a second opinion, see what tests are available to help me decide, and discuss it with MH and family and get their thoughts.

phishphood

I don't think I could do it, but it depends on the circumstances.  If the child would live their entire life in pain, I might.

Covergirl137

I don't think I could. I saw the "killer" question on 1st tri from rease, and was asking DH. He said he didn't think he would be ok with terminating... Until just now though, I hadn't really thought about it.

jenerally

Answering my own post ...

yes, we would terminate. It wouldn't be an easy decision, but we both feel certain that this would be our decision.

DNK777

We were in that situation.  We did not terminate, but our child did not make it to full term.  I believe that we made the right decision, but I really don't know if we would have put our son through a lot of surgeries after he was born and he still didn't make it if I would have felt the same way.

Mitzie

Before pg I would have quickly said yes, but now I already love the baby inside of me and I don't know if I could make that choice. even though keeping with that..I don't know if I could bring him into the world knowing that he would suffer.

 

Belle15

It's really difficult to say until you're in that situation.  I think at 20 weeks I maybe too attached and wouldn't terminate.  It really depends on the circumstances.  I hope no one here has to make that decision

TheFannins729

I want to come back and edit my answer as to why I never would.  I know a girl who at 20 weeks was told that her son had a disorder (sorry...have no idea what it's called).  After many, many, MANY tests, they were told he would basically live a few moments after birth and that was it.  She went ahead with the pregnancy.  He is now 9 months old, and while he struggles and has to see a lot of therapists and doctors all the time...he is one of the happiest babies I've ever seen.  The doctors still can't figure it out.  I'm not saying every situation would be like that...but I could never terminate without knowing if the doctors were 100% right or not. 

PlannedChaos

That's a toughie.  My gut reaction is to say no, I wouldn't terminate.  I didn't do the AFP test, because I felt the outcome was irrelevant.  At the same time, I read stories in the news of "pillow angels" or children living that have literally zero quality of life...they spend their day being cared for 100% of the time - laying on pillows.  And I don't know that I think it would be right to do that. 

So I honestly don't know what I would do.  And I hope I never have to make that choice.

jenerally

TheFannins729:

I want to come back and edit my answer as to why I never would.  I know a girl who at 20 weeks was told that her son had a disorder (sorry...have no idea what it's called).  After many, many, MANY tests, they were told he would basically live a few moments after birth and that was it.  She went ahead with the pregnancy.  He is now 9 months old, and while he struggles and has to see a lot of therapists and doctors all the time...he is one of the happiest babies I've ever seen.  The doctors still can't figure it out.  I'm not saying every situation would be like that...but I could never terminate without knowing if the doctors were 100% right or not. 

I've heard stories like this, too.

mollymurphy

I really don't think so.?You can never say for sure what you would do, but I have truly been inspired by families of babies with severe abnormalities diagnosed before birth who chose to continue with the pregnancy. While?I think every woman and her husband/SO should have the right to choose what's best for themselves and their family, I don't think termination would be the right decision for us.

Corinneallyson

DH and I have had this discussion - and I think we would terminate. I don't agree with having a child "live" a "life" where he/she would be a vegetable, have to go through painful surgeries or treatments for their whole lives, etc... I believe in the right to life, but this baby must have a LIFE.

I hope I'm never faced with it. I know it would be a horrible decision.

Chrisy-Wyobride

No, never, not a chance in hell. 

MrsKilduff

We have already discussed this before even getting pg.....we would terminate.

kada626

no, I wouldn't be able to do it.

AngelGirlEms

Absolutely not.  A life is a life, it is a gift given and not ours to decide when we can take that gift away. 

rcp126

I would say absolutely not.  I love the baby I am carrying and just would not be able to do it.  I will also echo the PP. A friend of mine was told that her son had a 90% chance of being born with Down's Syndrome and the opposite came true.  Not knowing exactly what could happen would be enough to prevent me from doing anything drastic.

BerBus

No. It's something I thought a lot about and  I am sure DH and I would have mixed feelings about it. However, I believe it's a choice each parent 1) should be able to make without feeling judged and 2) a choice they should never have to make. 

 

Termination might be right for someone, and I won't judge them, I just don't feel that its right for me. It's not going to change how much I love them.

JOEBunny

I don't think that people can answer this question without being in that situation.  My results came back from the NT screen as 1 in 3, I learned a lot about the decision process in the days before we ruled out a lot of birth defect.  I just do not think that people can say absolutely not, even if they "think" they can.  I have no idea what I would do even after days of thinking about it and talking about it with DH.

achickylala

Nope. I can't imgaine thinking to myself that I choose to do that because of the unknown. It took us a long time to get PG, and I could never justify my choice to myself for the rest of my life. Especially if this is my only chance to have a child.

chudek

I dont think that i could do it.  The moment i found out i was PG i was in love with the little thing inside me, I know it sounds sappy but its totally true and even if they would not live a "normal" life i think it would be better to give my baby a chance at life rather than not.  I didn't even do the tests to find out if there was a potential chance there could be something wrong with him, because to me is doesn't matter

Bellisimo

Nope.

mommiella

Yes, probably, depending on the situation. I also consider my daughter when making that statement. How would her life be impacted by a sibling who would be totally dependent and in need of consant attention and care for however long his/her life might be. I couldn't knowingly put her in that position.

jessiesue

NEVER.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I took a life that God entrusted me with.  That's up to God, not me.  The bottom line is that life itself isn't perfect.  Anyone's baby could be perfectly healthy at birth and have something go horribly wrong shortly after.  You're not gonna kill your baby at that point, so why do it while in the womb?

Just a thought...

New_York_Dad

HELL NO! I remember when I was in nursing school they showed us a video called "Silent Scream" & it showed how the baby was being treated during the abortion. I'm a tough guy but that made me tear up. Thinking about it now makes me highly upset.

finn07

i don't think so.  it would be horrible to wonder if the baby would have a short life, or if they would suffer in any way.  but i just don't think i could.  of course, having never been in this situation, i can't possibly imagine fully.  i would respect a friend who decided to terminate the pregnancy in a situation like that. 

SwissPrincessBride

I honestly don't know and could not even say for sure without being in that situation. There would have to be so many factors involved in the decision making. I think, for me, its just too hard to say without ever being faced with such a horrible scenario.

Aprilynn0206

For us, the baby deserves a chance regardless of how things might end up. If they don't make it, at least we gave it a shot. Even the shortest time with our child would be a blessing (if it even made it that far) and for that reason we would not terminate.

KMR816

AngelGirlEms:

Absolutely not.? A life is a life, it is a gift given and not ours to decide when we can take that gift away.?

?

Ditto. ?We would never terminate for any reason. ?DH and I feel very strongly about this and discussed it WAY before we even got pregnant. ?

Crissybell

If the baby would be born severely deformed and have zero quality of life (physically and mentally) then we would terminate for the child's sake and for the quality of life for our future children.  We would not want our future children having to take care of their physically and mentally handicapped brother/sister for the rest of their lives.

New_York_Dad

Crissybell:

If the baby would be born severely deformed and have zero quality of life (physically and mentally) then we would terminate for the child's sake and for the quality of life for our future children.  We would not want our future children having to take care of their physically and mentally handicapped brother/sister for the rest of their lives.

 

Huh? If anything it shouldn't be your future kids that take care of the disabled child for the rest of their life...it should be your you & your husband. Sounds like you were using future children as a scapegoat for taking care of a disabled child

 

 

ToBeMrsC6907

No, never.  Major reason why we opted not to do any genetic testing.  For us it would not be an option no matter what.

clarapist

We would. 

Just to respond to the pp who saw how a baby was treated during an "abortion".... at 20 weeks, you do not go through a D&E  (abortion)--- you actually have to deliver the baby vaginally. 
 

jenerally

New_York_Dad:

Crissybell:

If the baby would be born severely deformed and have zero quality of life (physically and mentally) then we would terminate for the child's sake and for the quality of life for our future children.  We would not want our future children having to take care of their physically and mentally handicapped brother/sister for the rest of their lives.

 

Huh? If anything it shouldn't be your future kids that take care of the disabled child for the rest of their life...it should be your you & your husband. Sounds like you were using future children as a scapegoat for taking care of a disabled child

 

 

Did you miss the part where this is a FLAME FREE post? Please delete this comment, it was uncalled for and out of line.

BabyMamaErin

jenerally:

New_York_Dad:

Crissybell:

If the baby would be born severely deformed and have zero quality of life (physically and mentally) then we would terminate for the child's sake and for the quality of life for our future children.  We would not want our future children having to take care of their physically and mentally handicapped brother/sister for the rest of their lives.

 

Huh? If anything it shouldn't be your future kids that take care of the disabled child for the rest of their life...it should be your you & your husband. Sounds like you were using future children as a scapegoat for taking care of a disabled child

 

 

Did you miss the part where this is a FLAME FREE post? Please delete this comment, it was uncalled for and out of line.

You beat me to it. Thanks.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion. I share her opinion. I couldnt go on with a pregnancy knowing full well that the child has no chance at healthy life.

HuneyofJeremy

No.

jenber77

As much as I would like to, I cannot answer this question with a defnite "NO, never." I would gather as much information on the baby's condition as I possibly could, and then, yes, I would consider terminating depending on the exact circumstances.

amme

jenerally:

Answering my own post ...

yes, we would terminate. It wouldn't be an easy decision, but we both feel certain that this would be our decision.

 Yes, this.