Having visitors after baby is born?

sept9thbride

My IL's are so excited about this baby they are already making plans to be here when he/she is born! It's their first grandchild. They live in FL, so when they visit they stay with us in the spare bedroom for about a week at a time.

It just made me think. Would I really want them to be here right after the baby is born? Would I want them to stay at my house knowing I have to get up in the middle of night? Wouldn't I want MY mom to help out in the beginning instead of MIL? Would DH and I want time to ourselves in the very beginning before having visitors?

I won't have much time off (maybe 8 weeks) and MIL is pretty high-maintenance. As much as I wouldn't want to offend her (and FIL), it would just seem like a huge issue having them there so soon after the baby would be born.

I know it's extremely early to be thinking about this, but since they are already bringing it up, I couldn't help but wonder...

What did you do/plan on doing?

Mrs.Reem

Ya know... I'd probably ask them to wait a week to visit. At least then you can have some time to let the "new mommy lala adrenaline rush" wear off and you can get into your own groove with the baby. At the one week point you'll appreciate the help a little more and be a little more mobile and willing to do some minor entertaining. You know yourself better than I do though so if you're not comfortable, make them wait longer. They'll get over it if they want to see the baby.

BoxTer

i agree. i liked having a little time for the three of us so we could learn how to be self-reliant and develop our own routine.

charmcitygirl

My ILs are planning on rushing here when I go into labor and they are some of the most high maintenence people out there.  They normally stay with us when they come to visit - usually over a weekend.  But, DH has already told them that they have to stay in a hotel.

The most important people in this scenario is you, DH and your little one.  Your ILs are just there to observe. 

mcppalmbeach

My ILs are coming right away -- and MIL at least is planning on being here AN ENTIRE MONTH. If it was up to me, I'd rather they wait and come a week or two after the baby's born so we can get into a routine and figure each other out without interfering grandparents. They are DEFINITELY not staying with us - that would be totally out of the question. I would feel like I was under a microscope - and I like my ILs

pamela-matt

This can be a very personal decision.  For us, we did not want people staying at the house right away.  We wanted time to bond and time to adjust to our new lives.  I think my mom came up about two weeks after (perhaps three).  She stayed for 3 weeks...UGH!  While it is nice to have them here, 3 weeks is a little long.  At the hospital we had no visitors until the day after birth and even then only step MIL and FIL came.  The night DS was born, my MIL brought my teen son up, but only for about 15 minutes.

When my first child was born, everyone was sitting at the hospital waiting for it to happen.  They all rushed in the room after he was born and I never got to hold my child until 6 hours after his birth.  It sucked and I vowed that day that if I ever did it again there would  be no family at the hospital waiting for baby to arrive.  We did not even tell anyone this time I was being induced...we called after we were at the hospital.  Just be sure to think about what you and DH want and make those wishes know clearly and concisely.  That will avoid any hurt feelings later.

EastCoastBride

You and your DH need to talk about this and get on the same page.  Be careful about the "wouldn't I rather have my mom here to help than his mom", though.  She IS still a mom and that could upset your DH.

BUT- beyond that - the main thing about your situation... I would NOT have them stay w/ me. Not at this point in your lives.  I would request they stay in a hotel.  Also- i would set up boundaries/guidelines for visits.  Just because they are in from out of town doesnt mean they camp out on your sofa from 8am to 10 pm.  You can still say "Please come over at ___ for 3 hours."

But again- you need to be on the same page as your DH on this.

JillRock96

It definitely depends on how helpful they are.  My parents (and brother and sister) arrived the day that we got home from the hospital.  It was AWFUL.  They were not helpful at all (although they thought they were) and I ended up trying to keep them entertained and taken care of.  It was not the time for "house guests."  Now, just a few weeks later, would have been a much better time for guests.