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Need advice re: daycare problem (long)
I'm not sure what to do about this. My DS has been going to daycare for three weeks now. I gave instructions on day one that he eats every three hours (or so) and he needs to be woken to eat. (He hasn't yet slept through the night and we are working on getting him to eat enough during the day to do that).
For the first week this was happening. During the second week I noticed longer stretches between feedings. This week I see that sometimes he is only getting two bottles and an ounce out of another. Yesterday when I picked him up, the woman told me that he "just doesn't want to eat" and then she asked me "why does he do that"? I wanted to laugh... I simply replied "he hasn't told me yet!"
The problem is, now he is starting to wake up every three hours at night to eat because he is getting LONG stretches during the day. I said something last week to the head teacher who agreed to make note of it. I just don't know what to do now. I don't want to make their lives difficult and know he doesn't like to be woken up to eat but I don't like to be up every three hours at night either. We wake him to eat during the day on the days he is at home. He does quite well on those days.
Any advice on how to handle this?
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Re: Need advice re: daycare problem (long)
ditto Alisa... is your ticker right, and he's not quite 3 months old? That's pretty young to expect him to STTN.
Is he breastfed or formula fed? If he's breastfed, he may be reverse cycling -- holding out to eat until he's with you and can get it "from the tap," so to speak. That would explain why he eats all night and why he does fine on the weekends.
Keep in mind, too, that he may always have a different schedule at daycare vs. at home. My daughter regularly naps 2-3 or more hours at home and with her normal sitter (where it's just her) but rarely more than an hour when she does drop-in daycare -- there's simply too much exciting stuff going on for her to sleep! Especially at his age, your son may be reacting to the excitement in the opposite way, i.e. he gets so overstimulated that he wants to sleep more.
I would raise your concerns to the teacher, but if she's trying to wake him every 3 hours and he simply won't wake up or doesn't want to eat, I'm not sure how much more you can expect them to do...
Good luck!
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
Ditto pp.
How much is he eating if he is let to feed on demand? If he's not taking much when they try to feed him on a schedule, then what does it matter if he's eating every 3 hours? The intake amount is what is important if you're trying to make sure he has enough to eat during the day. Maybe if you let him go longer he would just eat more in that feeding??
Do you BF? If so that could explain a lot, BF babies eat less when they are away from you. If you don't BF, perhaps he's waking up because he wants time with you guys?? Is he really eating a lot overnight? I can't tell exactly how old he is from your ticker (I hate those nest tickers!)...looks like 3.5months? There's a growth spurt at 3 months. Growth spurts tend to affect DDs sleeping more than anything. Maybe your DC is just not comfortable eating at daycare yet, and thats why he wants to eat more at home with you and why you don't have as much problems when you're home with him. There's also a sleep regression at 4 months. Part of the sleep regression is being too distracted during the day to eat. Maybe he is too distracted at daycare to want to eat. Daycare is such a new experience and that could certainly explain a lot!
Personally, I would give it some time! He hasn't been there long. I'm not sure what you want the DCP to do. You said that you don't want him having the longer stretches, but they have told you that he doesn't eat much when they try to feed him. He's either going to go longer stretches right now and eat more at a sitting, or he's going to eat less at a forced schedule. They can't force him to eat a whole bottle. I'd just let them follow his lead for at least the adjustment period.
Sorry, nobody likes to be awake every 3 hours at night, but that comes with the territory of having a baby. Daycare is a big change and adjustment, I would not expect things to stay the same. Give it some time.
The PP made a good point - If you plan to use DC long term, you will need to get used to the fact that your child's day at DC will be much different then their day at home with you. It is just the way it is. There is nothing about my son's day at DC that is even similar to his days at home. At home it is one on one attention, and you can follow his cues as to when to eat and sleep. At the DC they do their best to keep mutiple children happy.
Also, please don't think that the feedings during the day have anything to do with your child STTN. The quantity and regularity of their feedings doesn't make is harder or easier for them to STTN. For me, I viewed them as totally separate issues. Also, don't expect a child to STTN too early. Some babies do STTN at an early age, but it isn't the norm.
My advice is to always talk to the DC teachers. Your child's schedule will continue to change as they grow and develop, and you obviously want them to be able to care for your child as best as possible. But also don't expect for them to be able to adhere 100% to your schedule and instructions.
I think asking them to wake him to feed is a lot. They have a room full of often crying babies so to specifically wake a sleeping 3 month old to feed them is really hard. I would try very hard to work on your schedule on the weekends or the days you are off. We worked very hard before I went back to work to get him on some semblance of a schedule and it worked. I would suggest putting DC down at a reasonable hour for bed but then waking to feed at 11 or 11:30 to get the most sleep while you are sleeping. Then try to move back that feeding from 11 or 11:30 slowly (1/2 hour at a time) until it merges with bedtime feeding. We did this and it didn't take more than a week and we were able to get a good 5-6 hour stretch (11 to 4 or 5) and then it stretched from 6 hours to 9 hours pretty quickly - within a week or two. If you work very hard on keeping DC on a feeding schedule on the weekends, hopefully it will stick during the week and prevent the need for the daycare providers to wake him.
Having said all of that, I'd suggest keeping on them about trying to feed him when he's awake. If he won't take it, tell them to keep offering every 15 minutes until he does take it. Sometimes they get caught up with the other kids and forget to offer it again so definitely remind them about that.
Good luck!
Ok, I am going to disagree with the pp's. At three months, getting at least 24oz during the day is the first step in getting them to STTN. Are you following Suzy Giardano's sleep training method? We used Suzy and her team to get our boys STTN. There are different opinions on sleep training (as you can see from the responses you've gotten so far) but if it is important to you then forge ahead.
As for waking them during the day, I honestly don't remember doing that at three months. As they got bigger they would take more ounces at one feeding so it wasn't an issue. But, if you do want to get a certain number of ounces in during the day you need a provider who will work with you on that.
That's part of the difficulty in finding a provider that works for you and your family. If something is important to you it may be a deal breaker if the provider doesn't offer it. For us, I didn't consider any provider that didn't have a structured meal plan with healthy choices. I wanted my boys to have fresh fruit and healthy meals (not nuggets twice a week). I didn't expect the providers to make exceptions for my boys because I do think that is a lot to ask. But, I searched until I found the provider who offered the key things I was looking for.
You may end up having to change your day care arrangement if your provider won't/can't work with you on this. I was home with the boys for the first six months then we had an au pair so I was able to dictate their schedule. I'm sorry I don't have advice on making this work in a day care setting.
Good luck to you!
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
What I've learned is that eventually you have to let go and trust your daycare providers to provide the best possible care for your DC. They might not do exactly what you would do in every situation, but they will do their best, and they will not do anything to hurt your DC.
DD was nursing (or getting a bottle at daycare) every 3 hours from about 3 months to 12 months. She still doesn't STTN at 2 1/2 years, and she's getting plenty of food during the day.
Is your DS breastfed of formula fed? If he's bf, he might not like taking a bottle. I nursed DD every day on my lunch hour until she was 17 months old. There were babies there that just would not drink their bottle no matter how hard the DCP tried. Does it really make sense to wake a baby to eat that won't drink the bottle anyway?
Your DS hasn't been at daycare all that long yet. It might take a little longer, but he'll eventually fall into a schedule there. It sounds like he's still adjusting.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Why are you waking him during the day to feed? Is he underweight, or something along those lines? DD wasn't on any sort of schedule until she was at least 6 months, maybe older, but she's always been in the 90th for weight. If you are having them wake him because he needs to gain weight, then it is something that needs to be brought up to the director or lead teacher in the room. For that reason, you should make their lives difficult.
If you don't have any medical reason to wake him to eat, then I wouldn't. I suppose it's easy to say when my DD slept through the night around 4 mos or so (mostly slept through the night), and never had days and nights confused. What time is he going to bed, and how long is through the night for you? At that age, I think DD was going to bed about 10 or 11 and waking up about 5.
Your DS will start getting more alert over the next month or so and you'll start seeing him awake more during the day. I don't really know how to make it happen, it just seemed to happen for us.
Sorry for the rambling, I'm a little tired.
I was in your shoes earlier this year when dd first started day care. I had to remind them that she needed to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. Part of it was that she would reverse her days and nights, the other part was that the next day she was a poo factory. Day care let her sleep for long stretches one day. The next day I reminded them that because they let her sleep for so long the previous day, she would be a poo factory. 6 poopy diapers in 8 hours, they got the hint. (Oh how I love my baby girl!)
When you drop your dc off at day care, don't just drop and run, drop and talk. This way you can explain to them how if your dc isn't woken during the day to feed, then you end up staying up all night feeding. Just remember that there will be days when all the babies are fussy and they just can't get to your baby within the 3 hour mark.
Good luck with your routine.
I just wanted to add-in that depending on the state that you live in, childcare centers have different regulations regarding waking children up to feed them if it is not medically necessary. You could always ask the Center Director for a copy of the state licensing rules and regulations, as well as ask his teachers for a copy of the activities that they do with the children throughout the day. By being informed about center policies and procedures, this may help reduce some of the stress for your family. For some, it may seem like a little much to have activities planned for infants throughout the day, but at the center that I worked at for over 10 years, the Infant teachers had a reading time, outside time, relaxing time (which included baby massages) etc.