Registering/MIL advice

banbear2

Last week I made plans with my mom and sister to register at BRU after christmas.  On Thursday dh says to me don't you think my mom and sister would like to go?  Um........no?  Dh is sensitive about his family and especially his mom.  I just told him I don't need 4 people to register with me but he didn't really buy that.  The thought of going with both my MIL and my mom makes me want to rip out my hair.  they are both opinionated but at least with my own mom I can say no, my MIL doesn't take NO well.  I'm at a loss on how to handle this without hurting anyone's feelings.  any advice is appreciated!

summerbridesara

I would just go alone. 

I hate family politics.

jldlm

Ugh... I think I would rip more than my hair out if my MIL would have tagged along... although DH would have ripped his out as well!

I really don't know how to help you as far as not hurting anyone's feelings... but 4 people going along could become quite a circus, whether they all got along and agreed or not.  We went to the store to start the registry and get the kit, but ended up adding most of the things online a little at a time.  Everything at once was just too overwhelming, and I changed my mind multiple times too.  I know that might take the fun out of doing the big registry trip, but that would be a good explanation for everyone involved then I think.  Just remember, you'll never be able to please everyone -- this was the hardest part for me.  Sorry I wasn't much help, but good luck! 

rlthomas7

I'd go alone or with just DH. DH and I made a night out of it, but I had also reasearched everything ahead of time and knew exactly what I wanted. But it was fun to have him to help pick things like towels and other things. I think he was surprised how "into" it he was!

One of my friends took me along with another friend with a baby. We gave advice when asked, and when we differed in opinions just waited while she made up her own mind. It went really well and she registered for great things that she'll actually use for her twins - not a wipes warmer and a baby robe!

Ambrandy

I would go alone or go with DH to register. It's hard enough figuring out what you need to register for without having other people around (I did mine online to avoid the hassle).   Maybe you can plan a separate shopping trip with MIL and another with your mom at a later date?

GBL77

I would have to agree with everyone on this one.  I think alone or at least one friend who recently had a baby who could help you. Too many opinions are way too overwhelming.  I helped a friend with hers and her Mom came and I do love her, however everything I told my friend she would use, her mom would say, oh we just did this when you were a baby...THIRTY YEARS AGO...It got maddening after awhile. 

As for what I would do if I were in your shoes, I would either try and explain to your DH why it is not a good idea...or what about doing a registry at Target as well on another day and taking her with you to help.  That way she is not totally out of the loop.   

RosePks

Well, you already invited your mom and sister so I think it would be hard to uninvite them and go with just DH now but it could be done and would solve the problem.  Is there something else special that you could do with MIL and SIL for the baby to involve them in a special way. Maybe they could help you go shopping one time to get things for the nursery?

LClaire

Oy - what a pain!! Why does family always have to make things so complicated?? Another potential option - do you have any friends with babies that might want to go? They would be incredibly helpful, especially if you just brought one or two and they could tell you things they used lots and things they never used, etc and then you could just relax and not have to worry about any of the family stuff. you could maybe do that before Christmas, then instead of doing the actual registry with your mom and sister, you guys could go shopping for some baby stuff that you've already decided on with them?? Or at least let them see things in person. That way it just be all of you deciding what's good or not, you'll be able to tell them(if they voice opposing opinions!) that you have friends who have babies that used certain things that highly recommend them and that's what made you decide. My mom is SUCH a PITA about all of this stuff that I would have completely ripped my hair out if she had gone with me - we had a whole semi-argument last night about how she thinks that she might be able to dig out my 19 year old borther's carseat that we should use as an "extra" for the in-laws instead of buying a new one and giving them the one we have or that we should just check yard sales for car seats. They're one of the things that I have really strong opinions on so she was driving me nuts with rolling her eyes at me and telling me how much I let "people" lead my decisions and advertising make me believe I need things. Ugh - that was a tangent, but just an example of what may or may not happen with a mom or MIL who doesn't "get" why you just may want new things for your baby or may want to give opinions on what you should choose, etc - I'd try to get out of it asap and just use nesties and the Baby Bargains book and friends with babies if you need opinions on things since it can all just be so incredibly overwhelming:)

banbear2

Thanks ladies for all the advice.  Dh really isn't interested in going he is the worst shopper ever.  I asked my sister because she has 3 girls and I knew she would be super helpful.  My moms feelings would be hurt if I asked my sister and not her.  I think I'm just going to have to explain to him that taking my mom and his would be super stressful for me and I want this to be a good experience and also point out that since my sil has 2 kids they've already gotten to do the registry thing.  If that doesn't work plan B is doing a small registry at Target with mil & sil.