One & Done: Only child

Getting your Only involved/intro

Hi! I have been a long time Lurker (well since the board started). My DH and I are back and forth on OAD.  We have given ourselves a year to make a final decision and I think about it everyday. 

 One thing I am stuck on is whether parents of onlies have a hard time getting their children involved in activities.  This stems from the idea that you are your child's playmate in most instances which I am perfectly fine with but when we are in public I find it difficult to get him to play with others. 

He does go to daycare and is great there.  When we are around family he plays well with the other children.  But it seems when he is with my DH and I in public he doesn't want to play with other children he wants us to play with him or to be left alone to play by himself.

I have found this to be the case at splash parks, malls where there is a play area, library activities, play grounds....  I typically try to engage the other child show my DS what to do etc. but he doesn't show interest. 

He is only 21 months so I am not sure if it is age, personality, part of being OAD, or parenting error on my part. 

I worry about this because if we are OAD I want him to be able to enjoy things as a child not only what my husband and I are limited to do with him if that makes sense.

Thanks for any insight you have!

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Re: Getting your Only involved/intro

  • I think its age and personality. Think about it most 21 month olds are still onlies even if their parents plan on having a second. Totally normal 21 month old behavior. He's getting lots of socialization it sounds like and may just be shy with new people or in an unfamiliar place. My DD is like that too.
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  • Age and personality.  And the personality part has NOTHING to do with being an only, and ALL to do with plain ol' personality.  Some kids are more clingy, more shy, less willing to open up- kids with siblings can be just like this, too.

    But I think lots is age.  My DD was like that then, too.  It actually wasn't until she was around 5 that she began to open up more and play with others.. and I imagine it was being in the school atmosphere that did it (she never had daycare).  Now at 7 she wants nothing to do with me.. so..  

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  • I can't "ditto" that's it's age and personality enough.

    Definitely age.  It wasn't until DS was 3 + that he seemed to be more comfortable/ confident to go off w/o me. We signed him up for soccer when he was 2.5.  All he wanted to do was play w/ me on the gym equipment that was in the room too.  It was a total bust.

    Then personality?  DS likes to play one on one w/ other kids.  Small groups?  He has fun w/ the other kids.  Big groups?  He tends to kind of go off on his own and do his own thing. TOTALLY content doing it- which is all I care about. 

    Also- going into an activity that's total strangers?  Eh- I think MANY of us would be shy in that kind of situation.  NOw that we live in a neighborhood and he has a few buddies, we try to sign up for activities w/ other kids so that he'll know people going into it. 

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  • Personality a bit and age a lot.  My daughter was that way for a long time.  Heck, she still is, if it's in situations where she doesn't know the kids.  But if she knows them, she plays with them (though they often want me to play too at the age we're at).  He isn't at the developmental stage where he really plays *with* other kids yet (parallel play is the most you generally get right now, on average).  Give that time.  It's closer to 4, iirc.
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  • k thanks all! I will give it time. This does lighten the weight of that aspect of being OAD on my mind.
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  • I'd chalk it up to personality, especially since he's in daycare and used to playing with other kids.

     My DS is 20 months, but very outgoing. When I take him to playgrounds, I just sit back and he joins right in with the other kids.  I don't do any special to encourage it, but I'd be fine if he wanted to do his own thing.

    Also, he probably does prefer playing with you and DH just because its a treat for him.  He plays with kids at daycare all week, and he wants to hang with mom and dad when there is the opportunity.  Nothing wrong with that!

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  • LO is not in daycare and he will run off to play with other kids and completely forget us every chance he gets.
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  • I'd chalk it up to personality, especially since he's in daycare and used to playing with other kids.

     My DS is 20 months, but very outgoing. When I take him to playgrounds, I just sit back and he joins right in with the other kids.  I don't do any special to encourage it, but I'd be fine if he wanted to do his own thing.

    Also, he probably does prefer playing with you and DH just because its a treat for him.  He plays with kids at daycare all week, and he wants to hang with mom and dad when there is the opportunity.  Nothing wrong with that!

    Very true hadn't thought of that! 
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  • salt78salt78 member
    On weekends we often go to activities where there are other children, but DD prefers to play with me most of the time probably because I work and she hasn't seen as much of me all week. And that's fine. If she wants to play by herself, that's fine too. There's nothing wrong with independent play.
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  • KL777KL777 member
    I think it has to do more with his age and maybe a little bit to do with his personality.  My son is 5.5 and is a big extrovert.  He always is trying to get someone to engage him when we're out in public.

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