CC1017

Mrs.RockyM

I just saw your post about your MIL.  I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going through.  My MIL was diagnosed with NHL in May (right around mother's day) and DH still has his good days and his bad days.  He doesn't really want to talk about it, and it's very hard for me not to push, but you just have to let him deal in his own way - what you think he should be doing might not be what he wants or needs to be doing. Sometimes just a big hug and a "im here if you want to talk" is really all you can do.

 MIL just started her 3rd round of chemo, and seems to be doing really well.  Her tumor has shrunk, but we won't know if she'll need radiation or another round of chemo for a while. Honestly I'd say the best thing you can do is to be there for DH and for MIL.  not sure how close you are, but MIL has appreciated me emailing or calling to check in not with DH.  It's hard for her to let her son see her this way, and yes she loves me, but it's just not the same - I'm not her baby and it does help to have someone to talk to. 

I personally like those hallmark books, the ones that record someone telling a story.  that's something you might really treasure someday, especially if your LO won't get to spend as much time with your MIL as you'd like.

 

CC1017

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. I am definitely going to look into the recordable story book. 

We keep getting bad news. They still don't know what type of cancer it is, but a PET scan showed that in addition to being in the lungs, liver, and pancreas, the cancer is also in the bones, adrenal glands and skin. We are not very hopeful.  DH keeps beating himself up - he thinks he should have been a better son, or done this differently, or done that differently.  It is really heartbreaking to see him go through this. 

We should have an official diagnosis and prognosis this week, but until then we're just kind of in a holding pattern.  

Mrs.RockyM

<<hugs to you and YH>>  Honestly he really does need time to deal with things.  it really is hard, there's nothing you can do or say to make him feel better - just be there for him. 

Hopefully the official diagnosis and prognosis will be helpful - at the very least it will give you some answers, and then at least they can talk details and treatments - at least the next course of action.

I know DH doesn't want to go, but I know BIL, and a few other family members have gone to be with MIL when she has her treatments.  It's a few days of chemo, and then she's really sick, and then she starts to get better again.  Sometimes it's nice for her to have the extra help, the company, and it's helpful for FIL to have someone else there too.  There are times when it's better for her to see DD1 and DD2 - (because of the chemo and never ending germs kids constantly have!) so we plan around them. 

Not sure if you have any other LO's or nieces or nephews, but there are tons of books that talk about cancer and how to talk about it with children.  DD1 is 4 and we haven't really approached anything with her yet.  So far we just schedule phone calls and visits and facetime when she's feeling well - that seems to cheer her up a lot.