NBSR: Guests of guests at wedding vent

SingleMom31

I knew that guests were bad about weddings, but I didn't realize the extent until we sent out our wedding invitations this past week.

My mom: I've posted before that we're not close.  Now that invites have gone out, she asked who was on the guest list.  Once I rattled off everyone (there's only about 35 people invited, so it wasn't hard), she replied with, "Oh, I guess I have to stop telling people about it if you're not going to invite them."  I have no idea who she told that they could come, but I agreed that that not doing that sounded like a good idea.

My sister:  There's a large age gap between us (16 years), so her friends were old enough to baby sit me as a baby, but my family moved away when I was 8 after she was out of the house.  So, it's been ~24 years since I've seen them. She thinks that she should get invites for her friends too. Her sales pitch:  "I'm sure that they'd bring you a nice present."

I guess that I've never thought of a wedding as a social event where I would even consider bringing other people to. I just think that's weird.  I'm just waiting for the next bit of tackiness that comes from the two of them. Maybe I was adopted and don't really know it?

EastCoastBride

While not "right" - I can see where your mom might kind of be in "show off" mode.  KWIM?  But clearly she should have talked to you about your expectations, how big of a guest list and if she could invite people!

Your sister...??  WTF? 

MMason12

My Dad kept asking people, "Have you gotten your wedding invitation yet?"  My Mom standing there knowing they had not been on the invite list would smile and listen to them say, "No, not yet".  Then as soon as she had a chance she would call me and beg me to send them an invitation.  After the second time I finally told my Dad I love him, but he should stop asking people that or he was going to need to write the caterer a bigger check, lol.  

rachelstauf

What drove me crazy were people who I didn't know (friends of parents) who wanted to bring extra people with them. I invited them as couples, but one person wanted to bring her four kids. I told my mom that was ok (kind of begrudgingly), paid for dinner for all of these extra people, and then she brought exactly none of her kids. Ugh. At that point I wish she would have brought them so the food wouldn't go to waste at least!

Texasmomma13

We paid for our wedding entirely ourselves. So, when it came to guest list, no one else had any say. That wasn't the plan but it did make it easier to deal with other's opinions on what we should or shouldn't do.

wittyschaffy

My MIL invited her HAIRDRESSER to my wedding.  She made a big fuss about how she couldn't un-invite her (we didn't have her on the list to begin with) because she had verbally told her it was OK.  We ended up rushing out an invite, she RSVPd she was attending, and then never showed.  I was really not happy with my MIL for a while after that.  

SingleMom31

My dad and stepmom are helping a bit with the reception costs, but we're paying for the majority ourselves.  I don't think that either my mom or sister like that we opted for a small wedding, rather than going into debt to fund a larger party (my mom actually described our whole wedding as being weird, and didn't understand why I was offended).  But, yeah, I had no problem telling them that unless they're contributing, that I'm not going to sacrifice the people that are on our must-invite list for people that I haven't seen in 20+ years.

MMason12

wittyschaffy:

My MIL invited her HAIRDRESSER to my wedding.  She made a big fuss about how she couldn't un-invite her (we didn't have her on the list to begin with) because she had verbally told her it was OK.  We ended up rushing out an invite, she RSVPd she was attending, and then never showed.  I was really not happy with my MIL for a while after that.  

 My SIL DEMANDED... and I mean DEMANDED that her husband's parents be invited to the wedding.  It was the biggest fight that my husband and I had during our wedding planning process and eventually I gave in and mailed them an invitation. They did the same thing-- RSVPed they were coming and then never showed. WTF? I was furious.  

JackieA2013

MMason12:

wittyschaffy:

My MIL invited her HAIRDRESSER to my wedding.  She made a big fuss about how she couldn't un-invite her (we didn't have her on the list to begin with) because she had verbally told her it was OK.  We ended up rushing out an invite, she RSVPd she was attending, and then never showed.  I was really not happy with my MIL for a while after that.  

 My SIL DEMANDED... and I mean DEMANDED that her husband's parents be invited to the wedding.  It was the biggest fight that my husband and I had during our wedding planning process and eventually I gave in and mailed them an invitation. They did the same thing-- RSVPed they were coming and then never showed. WTF? I was furious.  

Yes, why is it always the rude add-ons that end up being no shows?!  We invited my mother's cousin and her husband to the wedding.  The cousin asked my mother if she could bring her adult daughter and teenaged granddaughter.  I said okay, just because my mother asked me to (even though DH and I were paying for everything.)  Of course the daughter and granddaughter didn't show.  Ugh!