I need a break. Don't know how.

Jap09

I know that ap is right for me/us right now but I am getting a point where I am not being the best mom because I do need to be away from my children or more so that I need to be alone with myself or with my husband for even a couple of hours. I kind of feel like I need to re-charge my patience levels or something. 

I have a 2.5 year old and 7 month old

I don't even know where to start, my dd2 is so very "high needs" "clingy" I really do NOT know what the right words to use are. She's crying if not held a lot of the time. It's definitely getting better now that she can sit up on her own and play. She will let my husband hold her but absolutely no one else. We constantly try. She cries right away if its not me or him. and if shes hungry it has to be me. We bedshare, I babywear  A LOT and she is exclusively breastfed. I not only need time for myself but to repair some things with my 2.5 yr. old. She takes the blunt of everything bc I am always rushing things with her bc of the baby. The stranger and or separation anxiety has been since birth. TRULY. 

I guess my question is what would you do and where to start. I am ready to leave her even though she will probably cry when I leave. Both grandmas are in town and willing to take her. I don't know what to do..give her a sippy cup and leave or a bottle or NO CLUE how much to give. I do have quite a bit of milk in the freezer but like I said I have no idea how much she would need. Im just reaching out because I had a bad day and know that I need to do this. On top of all of this I feel like I may have some anxiety and I really am afraid that being away from my kids makes it worse and better at the same time. Ahhh!! any advice thanks. 

Emerald27

I'd do 2 things while your mom/MIL is in town:

1. Plan to go out by yourself or with DH for 3 hours. Nurse DD2 before you leave and immediately when you return. Go out to dinner or out to lunch: pick the time of day that will be easiest for your 7 month old. Let the girls have a fun "date" with grandma while you have a date with DH. Don't worry if the babies are sad. They are being loved and held and doted on, and you're not going to be away for very long. Leave one ounce of BM per hour you'll be away, but it's unlikely she'd even need it if you're only gone for an evening. 

2. Plan to go out with DD1 for some one on one time. Take her out for ice cream or a pastry, to the farmers market, or to the park. If there's a lake nearby, you and DD could go feed the ducks. It doesn't have to be for very long...an hour or two...and make sure to nurse DD2 before you leave and when you get back.

Also, plan once every week or two weeks to leave the babies with DH for an hour or two and go on your own to run an errand, get a pedicure, take a walk, or just sit outside in nature and relax. The babies will be ok as long as they're fed, with someone who will hold and love them, and you won't be far if you're needed.

It really is healthy to get out a bit on your own. You don't have to be out long...just long enough to breathe, take a break, and recharge your batteries.

 

ETA: Having grandma come to your house might be easier on the babies then leaving them at her place.  

TiffanyBerry

I think the easiest thing to do with breastfed babies where you're not sure how to start is (especially with grandma) is to nurse the baby, then leave and do whatever (with your older, with your husband, by yourself) and come back in an hour or two (however long she spaces her feedings).  Then you dont have to worry about food.

If you've got a good stash, pull some out - a few ounces.  No one knows until they try, and it can be hit or miss.  I'd probably start with 6oz, but have some more on hand to thaw if necessary.

If you haven't been using any childcare, it seems scary before you do it.  Then you do it a few times, and you wonder why you thought it was so scary and when is the next time someone can watch your kids. :P

st.augbride

Wow, we have the same kids! Seriously! I have 2.5 yr old ds and an almost 7 month old dd. Dd is exactly as you describe and has been since day 1! I barely get time with poor ds. I am currently trying to at least get dd to go to sleep in the crib so I can have a few hours to myself or with dh each night (see post below). All I can say is that every now and then you just need to get out and be alone or with friends, even if it means LO is harder for someone else (and believe me, I know how hard that can be on everyone).

musicalmama5

Remember, happy mommy = happy baby! 

Leaving the babies with a loving grandmother is totally AP, even if they get sad or cry.  

Jap09

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying!! And st.augbride its good to know someone can relate. Thanks for the advice and the 1 oz /hr I did not know that!