Recently matched

adoptmommy

We were matched last week & our BM is due in January! We are so excited & trying to figure out the balance of contact with our BM. We are texting her & plan to go meet her for a dr appt before the birth. I'm thinking we would text about once a week. Any feedback on how much contact others have had would be great! 

Dr.Loretta

Congrats!

Level of contact will vary based on people's comfort level. If once a week works for you, go for it

We only have a semi-open adoption so contact is more removed and sporadic. We're following the lead of DD's birthmom

potatohead

Congratulations!  Once a week sounds great, as long as the BM is comfortable with it.  

 We met once with BM before our baby was born (it was 20 days prior), but didn't exchange cell numbers to text until afterwards. It was multiple times per day at first, then a few times per week, then once per week, then once every other week.  Now it's about once per month.  So..it's dwindled since placement, but I think if you go with whatever BM is comfortable with, it's all good. 

maryoosa

Congrats! That's exciting!

We are having a very unusual (imo) level of contact with our expectant mom--- We met her for dinner, once before she chose us, then we went to dinner again after she chose us, we attended monthly drs appts with her from March-June, and then from June-present we've been attending weekly appointments. The weekly appts often include going out for a meal or something like that. We've been to her place twice, she's been to our place twice.  Hell, we just went to a movie on Thursday. We text at least once a day (her due date is 7 days away). So it's a lot of contact- but it's pre-placement. We will follow her lead if placement happens and do the best we can to enable a relationship between her and her son.

Weadoptx3

" We met once with BM before our baby was born (it was 20 days prior), but didn't exchange cell numbers to text until afterwards. It was multiple times per day at first, then a few times per week, then once per week, then once every other week. Now it's about once per month. So..it's dwindled since placement, but I think if you go with whatever BM is comfortable with, it's all good. "

First: Congrats!!  I remember how exciting it is when it FINALLY happens!!! 

I totally second what Potatohead said. Our boys BM and I used to chat 1-2x per wk before our 1st was born, probably for an hour or two each time. Then after he was born it was once a week...and dwindled from there. Then when she had our second it was the same way. Now we chat via Facebook fairly regularly but you know how FB is - about 2-3 sentences! We became really good friends tho. It's all about what you're both comfortable with.

My DD's BM is not ANYTHING like the boys. We send her pictures once a year. To put it bluntly, she is a flake. She really wants nothing to do w/ DD and we really don't want much to do w/ her so I guess it works out. Fortunately DD's paternal g-ma loves her dearly and comes to visit for a day each month. (her bio dad is deceased.)

In the beginning of this journey we wanted a closed adoption, but throughout the course of things we have completely changed our minds. We now have a wonderful extended family that we never planned on. It is amazing!

Children can't ever have too many people that love them!

adoptmommy

Thanks for the replies- we are having semi open as it will only be pictures/letters through the attorneys after placement. We were just matched last week & had a text conversation that last about an hour & then I followed it up a few days later as she wasn't feeling well. She has our number so I think we'll let her text us next. I just don't want to be pushy.