If you were to get a divorce...

OneLostMama

First, let me apologize for the AE. 

 

I am very unhappy with mine and DH's relationship.  Communication is nil and the love, patience, respect just isn't there anymore.  So, I have been doing some serious soul searching and thinking that I may go ahead and look into options for getting the ball rolling on a divorce.  I am not one who needs to have a man at all times, but being out of school and not working in an environment where I usually run across a lot of eligible bachelors, I am curious where I would even have the chance to meet someone new.  I am scared to death of the online dating scene and would honestly like to be single for at least a couple years.  But, I'd be lying if the scary thought of being single forever hadn't cropped up.  Where do you meet folks if not at work, church (don't attend regularly), or online?  Would you just take up a hobby and join a local group or what?  And yeah, I know the questions may seem (or be) dumb, but my heart hurts and I need a bit of reassurance I guess...

misspunky

Have you tried counseling?  I see divorce as a last ditch effort, as long as there's no abuse involved.  If you truly believe there's nothing you can do to save your marriage, I would not worry about meeting someone else. I would be worrying about making sure you are happy and satisfied with your life before thinking about moving on to someone else.

klgrh6

kate2904:

Have you tried counseling?  I see divorce as a last ditch effort, as long as there's no abuse involved.  If you truly believe there's nothing you can do to save your marriage, I would not worry about meeting someone else. I would be worrying about making sure you are happy and satisfied with your life before thinking about moving on to someone else.

This! Divorce should be the last option. It's only an option when every single effort to save your marriage has failed even if it takes a year or two to try everything to fix it. At least then you would know you went out fighting to save it. Many couples 6-8 years down the road strongly regret divorcing their first spouse or at least not trying harder to save it.

I would recommend talking to your husband. Express your feelings and see where he stands on it, because lack of communication is usually the issue. He might not even realize you're feeling this way.

Ever see fireproof?I don't know if you are a woman of God but maybe talk with someone from church or try the love dare. Sometimes a little effort can save a marriage and LO's sake it should be worth trying.

MrsKipper

Ditto what everyone else has already said! I would be more concerned with how to fix my marriage than how to meet someone new. Divorce isn't always the immediate answer. Good luck!

L8kissie

I'm sorry that your relationship is doing poorly. If it is a new thing, take into account that the first year after a baby is considered one of the hardest in the relationship. If the relationship is truly over and you end it, once you've healed and are ready to move on, there are singles groups and such that help with dating. My friend did something called Lock and Key mixers and my mom was in Parents Without Partners when I was little. Good luck with all of this. I'm sorry that you're having trouble.

AKB090609

I would also keep in mind that some divorc?es never find the right relationship. My mother never dated anyone seriously enough that I met them, if at all.

If your marriage can't be saved and you decide to end it, you need to accept the possibility of potentially being on your own. 

danabsd

 I think if my marriage were ending a new man would be the last thing on my mind.

redneckmomma25

danab_sd:

nbsp;I think if my marriage were ending a new man would be the last thing on my mind.

This. I understand this being a concern, but not your main concern.

AlinnJo

I'm sorry you are going through this. However, I'm a little worried that the majority of your post is about finding a new man not about your concerns of the divorce. I agree with PPs, you should try counseling first and make sure you really can't save your marriage. Especially since you have a little one to consider. I can't help but think from your post that you are already thinking about someone new and are mentally done with your marriage. Good luck and I hope all works out for you. 

bonjourbelle05

redneckmomma25:

danab_sd:

nbsp;I think if my marriage were ending a new man would be the last thing on my mind.

This. I understand this being a concern, but not your main concern.

This...it sort of sounds like you have a case of the grass is greener on the other side....try working on your marriage because it might be pretty green where you're at!

BPer

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I can understand the concern that you'll be alone forever.

I guess I read it differently than everyone else. I didn't see it as you're trying to find someone new right now, but worried that you may never will, but don't let that be a reason that you stay in a relationship that you're unhappy in.

I would definitely exhaust all other options, counseling, trial separation, etc. before making your final decision on whether or not to divorce.

But, if you do end up filing for a divorce, there are plenty of people out there. I felt I was never going to meet someone new after my last serious relationship (and. Was only 22, ha!), but then my now H, popped up out of my past.

Again, sorry you're going though this, but definitely try counseling, etc. before making your decision, and if you choose divorce, spend some time finding yourself again.

Also, don't rule out online dating. Two of H and I's closest friends met on match.com and they married last year. 

kbbgg

bonjourbelle05:

redneckmomma25:

danab_sd:

nbsp;I think if my marriage were ending a new man would be the last thing on my mind.

This. I understand this being a concern, but not your main concern.

This...it sort of sounds like you have a case of the grass is greener on the other side....try working on your marriage because it might be pretty green where you're at!

"Grass is greenest wherever you water it."
Quote from Justin Bieber
[droppin' truths]

Hyaline

redneckmomma25:

danab_sd:

nbsp;I think if my marriage were ending a new man would be the last thing on my mind.

This. I understand this being a concern, but not your main concern.

This.  If this is even registering right now, either you've already given up on your marriage and this is where your mind is going, or you're diverting your focus from problems that are difficult to deal with but addressable within your marriage.

Put your energy where it can do some good--either pursuing a divorce if things are truly over, or fixing your marriage.  Not worrying about how you'd meet a new husband.