Wedding 4 weeks after birth... do I go?

gallerybaby

Hi everyone,

So, I'm in the home stretch! Only a few more weeks-- due August 11th! I was hoping for some advice about a post-baby situation.

Two close friends are getting married about 4 weeks after my due date. At first, I thought "no problem!" my SO will stay at the hotel with the baby while I attend the event and skip back and forth for feedings. But now, with our birth just mere weeks away, I'm looking at that plan and wondering if I will be exhausted (the wedding is a 4.5-hour drive) and too worried about the baby to be schlepping him/her that far. I don't think I'd be able to leave the baby home with my partner, while I go solo, so that's not an option. In fact, my SO is not invited to the actual wedding (my friends are keeping it super small-- under 50 people-- and are only inviting the partners of friends that are already married).

I should also mention that two weeks after this wedding, I will be in my best friend's wedding as a bridesmaid. So I'm doubly nervous about asking my baby to travel twice in such a short amount of time (the wedding I'm in is 3.5 hours away).

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If I decide not to go to the small wedding, what is a tactful way to decline the invitation? I would love to go-- I've been waiting for this marriage for the last 2 years!-- but I need to put myself and my baby first.

Sorry for the rambling-- thank you Bumpers! 

snookums2013

My cousin's wedding is 6 weeks after my due date and I will have to travel 2 1/2 hrs to get there.  We are planning to go and bring the baby to the wedding with us (my mom will be there too).  I asked my cousin if I can use the bridal room to nurse if needed and she said that was fine.  Is it possible to tell them that you're planning to come, but may have to cancel depending on when the baby arrives and how you're feeling?  I think it would be better to bring your SO and the baby with you if that's possible.  That is a pretty far drive though, so if you think it will be too much, then maybe just tell them you can't go.  Hopefully they will understand.  The one where you are a bridesmaid will be trickier, but at least there is more time before that one.

If you decide to decline, I would just tell them that you would love to be there for their special day and are so happy for them, but you just think it will be too much with such a long drive so soon after the baby comes, especially if you end up having a c-section.  If they are true friends, they will understand.

gallerybaby

somerandomchick:

The tactful way to decline the invitation is just to RSVP no. It's not a big deal. An invitation is not a summons, you're allowed to say no for any reason. You don't have to provide an excuse. Your friend probably knows you're having a baby soon, and if you RSVP no will assume its related to the baby. I would probably not go, because you have no guarantee you'll deliver on your EDD. I'm currently 11 days over. So this wedding could be only two weeks after you give birth, and I would be pretty hesitant to travel alone with the baby at that point. I think you're still kind of a zombie at that point. As a point of interest, why can't you leave the baby with his father? Other than the BM being attached to your body, I mean.

You're absolutely right, it isn't a summons. And I didn't even completely think about the fact that what if I don't deliver "on time."

Oh, and the issue isn't that I can't leave the baby with his/her father. I definitely could. It's more that I don't think I could personally handle being away from my 4-week old baby for that amount of time (I would definitely have to stay at the wedding overnight), as I would be too nervous. I know, that may be a little crazy.

ashcart01

This is a no brainer for me. I would decline without even thinking about it. That is cutting it very close! Your friend will understand and honestly probably expects the decline.

HFrizzle

Silv3rlining:

I know you have been anticipating the wedding for a long time, but I would say its a no go. Your due date is just an estimate and you could give birth 2 weeks after your due date (which would be only 2 weeks before the wedding). Also you don't know how your L & D is going to go and just how much time you will need to recover.

I completely agree with this. You have no idea when the baby will actually come, how your delivery will go, if you end up with an episiotomy, a c section, etc. I would error on a side of caution and decline. If she knows you well enough, she will completely understand.

imakeeff0rts

I would say no. 

My cousin's wedding is about 5 weeks PP...in Texas. I'm in Alabama. From where we are to where they are is roughly a 16 hour drive, and it's just not going to happen. 

Not only that, the 4.5 hours that it would usually take to get there is probably going to turn into something like 7 to 8. 

I would just RSVP with a no. If you feel the need to explain why you can't make it, or they ask, just explain that it's too soon after the birth of your child and it isn't feasible for you or your family. Hopefully they'll be reasonable about it and understand. You can still get them a nice gift or something.

queenbone

We're attending a wedding 4 wks after birth, but we only have to travel 45 min. We're going to play it by ear; we've got 3 children so we may only last through the ceremony and not the whole reception.  We took DS1 on a normally 6hr road trip at 6 wks to go to my college reunion. The drive ended up being 3 hrs longer due to nursing sessions, but other than that it worked out fine. I just didn't go out at night with my friends because we stayed in the hotel with the baby.

I think you can definitely do it with baby and your SO, it is too bad that an exception can't be made for him at the first wedding. I'd plan for sure on attending the ceremony alone, but you may not last through much of the reception, I know I'd get tired skipping back and forth to nurse.

ASmallWonder

This is a situation where you have to let your friend know it will need to be a game time decision.  If all the stars align, I think you could go, leave DH in the hotel with the baby and go back and forth to feed.  But when you factor in the possibility of going late, having tearing, having a csection, having recovery issues, having feeding issues or just feeling too damn overwhelmed to get out of your own way, you can't make a decision now.  FWIW, with my first I had a c section and went to my BIL's wedding at 3 weeks PP and stayed overnight while my mom watched the baby.  But I didn't decide on going until a few days before and I didn't decide on spending the night until literally, the morning of the wedding.

chesnutridge

I totally disagree. When they are little you will have a much easier time doing something like this. I would bet that your lo would sleep most if the car ride. I would go for it. You can also make the feeding work. If you end up breastfeeding a lot of folks have an oversupply in the beginning. Just bring some pumped milk or have so being the baby to you for feedings.

ssublett09

I actually have my own wedding 6 weeks after LO is born and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to manage feedings and who I trust to watch her during our reception. I was already planning my wedding when I found out I was expecting so we didnt change the date.

I'm sure whatever you choose it will work out just fine. GL

BelhurstBride

Meh. It never even crossed my mind to miss my friend's wedding that was a month after DD's EDD and 3 hours away. I even agreed to do a reading. 

My sister agreed to come along and hung out in the hotel room during the reception so DH and I could both go. I left to nurse when I needed to. We had a blast. 

I do think it's pretty ridiculous that just because you're not married your SO isn't invited, though. You're having a kid together for Christ's sake!  

Eleventy11

I'm in the no big deal camp. It is a no brainier to me, if you deliver on time. Even going two weeks late would be doable, and I had a c section. I was sitting through three hour baseball games up to an hour away a week after my first c section. As long as SO is able to come and you are able to frequently leave to nurse, it wouldn't be a big deal. LO is more than likely going to sleep all the way. We traveled 2.5 hours when DD was three weeks to my in laws for Easter. It was an easy trip.

RK125

My DH and I have a wedding 2 weeks after EDD. DH is a groomsmen. I talked to the bride yesterday because I'm not sure how baby and I will be feeling. I desperately want to go because the groom is a good friend and actually introduced my DH and I. The bride told me to RSVP yes so I had a seat and a meal, and if I couldn't make it that was ok. 

So right now the plan is to go to the ceremony and play the reception by ear. I'm pretty sure I won't be going, but now I can if we're up to it. 

anvloveskme

I plan on going to my friend's wedding 6 weeks pp and it is an hr and 45 min flight toLas Vegas.  My sister and niece will fly over fromPhoenix to help us with the girls.

lolob45

I'm in the same boat but actually in a wedding 4 weeks after my due date. I'm having a c section so I know my due date won't change. I'm a little hesitant about it all but I've decided to get a room for my mom and I will breast feed as much as I can and will hopefully have enough pumped in advance for her to do feedings during the ceremony reception as its not near the hotel. It's not ideal but I'm sure we can make it work.