Miss Independent (vent?)

cinderin

Mobile: Miss Independent (vent?)

I have always been an independent person (my family is that way - that's how we were raised). My mom firmly believed you should plan ahead and take care of yourself (we did our own laundry, cooked if my parents weren't home, had jobs and a checking account at 16, etc.).  

I lived alone for three years before DH and I got married.

I like to do things like antique shopping with a friend or alone, I like to garden or walk the dog with my head phones in...

Being alone for an evening, or a day, or a couple days doesn't bother me. In fact, I often look forward to some alone time.

I think part of the problem could be that I am 31 and used to doing what I want to do. I am used to planning and executing my plans. If I want something done, I do it. No waiting, no worrying about whether it will get done or not. 

This PG thing has been really hard on me. I miss being independent.

I had horrible MS until about 18 weeks. DH is a good husband and took care of me, doing all of the grocery shopping and making or getting us something for dinner (I couldn't stand the smell of the grocery store). He would always make sure I had what I needed.

2nd tri was better, I was able to do some projects around the house, but I still couldn't really garden or do a lot of physical work. I really had to pace myself.

I was diagnosed with GD at about 24 weeks. And so I have had to spend a *lot* of time preparing and making myself meals and snacks. DH and I go to the grocery store together, and DH does make dinner for both of us. If he doesn't, I have some frozen food I reheat.

I am so tired at the end of the day. It takes all of my energy just to make my lunch and snacks. To go to work and to try to sleep at night. 

Physically, I can't do hardly anything. I can't stand for very long before I start to hurt or one of my legs begins to tingle. I walk, but very very slowly. It is hard for me to pick things up off the floor or carry things. Especially up or down the stairs.

I know I only have about two more weeks of PG left. I am also looking at a planned c/s, so in my case, I will not be able to do much for a few additional weeks. 

 It is hard for me to ask DH to do every little thing. I know he doesn't always *want* to help. He does it anyway (and doesn't get upset or complain, but I don't think he *wants* to). 

I don't feel like myself. I want to be able to do things.

I know it is going to be even harder once the baby is here. I am going to want to be the one doing everything for the baby. I know I won't be able to with my c/s recovery. 

I guess I just miss my old independent self.  

I feel like I have kind of lost myself. It is hard being dependent on DH for so much.  

Anyone else feel similar?

Someone tell me I will be 100% again a few weeks after my c/s! It has been so long since I felt that way.  

 

 

kahlan82

My DH has been very supportive and helpful through my pregnancy. He has been cleaning and cooking.  He doesn't always like to do things on my time table though and it has been super frustrating not being able to just do it myself.  I hate having to wait until he comes home from work to move something or lift something etc.  I am ready to be able to move around again and not have my body say no so quickly.

cnthrdlywt2bwZ

You are not alone. I miss my body's independence so much. This pregnancy has been harder, aches and pains wise and I could almost take that in stride if it didn't actually hurt as much and I could do what I want. This past week I have been so frustrated and feel almost guilty when DH tells me to lay down instead of doing what I normally do. I feel like he's going to wear himself out with taking sole care of our daughter before this baby gets here.

I hate having to remind myself to walk slower. If I don't, I can't breathe or my hips kill. I hate not being able to carry a laundry basket or carry groceries in from the store. I just don't like being stationary and feel restless, even though my body won't let me do much more. I was actually looking at whether it's possible to have prepartum depression [it is] because I just felt so down and like this struggle will not end. I've been getting so anxious when I think about it that I'm giving myself contractions and breathing issues. I don't think I'm at major risk for PPD, but because of how I've felt recently, I'm going to br vigilant about watching for signs. I swear I am thrilled about this baby but that feeling of losing yourself, even for a "few" weeks or months, is hard to take, especially in a state of limited movement, exhaustion, and a state of discomfort.

Facing a known c section has to be difficult, knowing this about yourself. I hope that you recover quickly but it will be just a little longer until you're yourself. I am trying to remind myself to be really inclusionary of DH in baby care this time. It is really tough to do everything and he'll want to help, even in a zombie state. Let the two of them have their time while you rest another week. That bonding time for dad is really important and will help you a lot as the child gets older.

Hang in there.

katharine25

kahlan82:

My DH has been very supportive and helpful through my pregnancy. He has been cleaning and cooking.nbsp; He doesn't always like to do things on my time table though and it has been super frustrating not being able to just do it myself.nbsp; I hate having to wait until he comes home from work to move something or lift something etc.nbsp; I am ready to be able to move around again and not have my body say no so quickly.

I feel this way exactly. And some things I just gave up on waiting for him to do, like paint the guest bedroom or put the baby's dresser together, and then suffered the backaches afterwards as a result.
DH actually works from home, but has is own studio so it essentially seems like he's never here since he works all the time. I'm basically by myself so much and I really love it. [we also live in the woods so even neighbors are pretty scarce.] I'm not really worried about the baby part though; he'll be SO dependent on me I think it will work well. I'm also looking forward to the company ... I think it will just be different, and in a good way.

AmeliaKris

I feel ya. I loathe being dependent on others. I had been on my own since 16. Started college at 17. I didn't meet dh until 30. We married when I was 32. I owned my own home, car, etc... I never relied on anyone. Dh brought 2 kids with him into our marriage. We have them full time. They were 8 and 10 when we met and were 10 and 12 when we married. I went from all alone to never alone. It takes getting used to. I love them dearly but still make alone time. For example, I wait for dh to get home from work and go to the mall or grocery store alone. Or sometimes a walk. I don't get it everyday, but twice a week or so. It will be different having baby be so dependent. I think for me, the mommy groups will be key to not getting isolated. It will all work out. Just remember to grab your needed breaks when necessary. I'm sure you'll do great.

shootthemoon

I could've written this. Yes, not being able to do everything myself is driving me CRAZY. DH is a saint, taking over almost all of the housework and getting friends to come help us with stuff I'd normally do with him. But I do feel sort of powerless and I forget all the time that right now I can't do things I'd normally do. I'm bad at asking for/accepting help too and I know that's going to be a problem once LO is here. It's not that I don't want the help, I know I will need it, I just don't know how to get or receive it.

WheeLinTheSky3

you're definitely not alone. I am very independent and a control freak. I prefer to do things for myself and do them my way because I want them done a certain way. I had HG for the first 15 weeks and could barely function. I had to rely on DH to do everything and my mom would help as well. I loved that they were so helpful but hated that I couldnt just do it myself. As I near the end I find that I cant do what I want to do. It took me an hour to clean my bathroom the other day and I was exhausted and so frustrated because I have so much more to accomplish. My mom has been a saint and has been coming over often to help me deep clean my house. My DH helps with dinner and makes me sit while he does things.

The control freak in me hates it but I have tried to enjoy the help and let it happen. Just remember its ok if people help and that its also ok if you dont love every minute of it. Hopefully it wont take too long to get back to your old routine but dont put pressure on yourself to do it right away or you may end up feeling even more stressed.

Soleil3

I am very independent, but I've found that my kids were kinda just sucked into my independence bubble pretty seamlessly. I don't know if I lucked out or if I've installed the same into them, but they are both very independent now at 4 and 5. But for the first years when they did need me for things, it wasn't ever anything I resented them for or anything, it's such a short time in the scheme of things and I'm always able to hold onto that. And they are just really fun to be around, and take shopping or whatever that I also enjoy doing by myself.