asking for help?

jefk

I'm a FTM, about 5 weeks PP, and I've been having a tough time.  The baby blues hit me hard the first week, and I've been having intermittent "episodes" the past couple weeks - crying for hours, severe anxiety (to the point where I can't leave the house), feeling vacant.  It's not every day, but maybe once or twice a week for the past three weeks.  Is this PPD/PPA?  I feel like if it really were, then I'd feel like this constantly.

My 6-week PP appointment is next week.  My husband wants me to discuss my issues with my OB.  I don't want to - I'm afraid that she'll brush me off, not to mention that it makes me sound like a total loser.  At my 2-week PP appt (I had a c-section), I mentioned that I was having a hard time and she just said, "Oh, it gets easier."  DD is an easy baby, so I feel like I should be able to handle it, but I just can't sometimes.

Anyway, if you did ask for help, how did you go about it?  I don't know what to say to my OB.  I'm not the type to ask for help, ever, with anything, so this is tough.

ciaobelle

I'm also 5 weeks PP, and having similar problems. Like you said, it's not everyday, but that doesn't make it any easier. I have gotten great support from my midwife and family. I just wanted to say that you're not a loser, and your OB should be more sensitive and attentive. I hope you'll reach out beyond your OB and get the help you deserve. It sounds like your husband is tuned in and concerned about you. I hope you begin to feel better soon!

wku2011

I was and am in the same boat. I'm about 8 weeks pp by now, but those baby blues hit hard at the beginning. Things got better around 2 weeks, but i chalk that up to bfing got easier. LO was almost at birth weight, and i was moving around so much better on my own. i was a c section also. I wound up not saying anything at my 6 week appt. I clammed up and felt silly, plus I get much more nervous around my doctor when I'm in a paper gown. I also had this mindset that everything magically gets better at 6 weeks, and so i was hoping that it would. It hasn't. I finally got the guts to call my OB earlier this week, and he's on vacation all next week. Go figure. But it gives me more time to process things. I spoke to 2 other fellow moms and asked about it. I was told it's bc I'm bfing, and getting out of the house would help. While their advice is nice, it doesn't apply. Trust your body. I know something isn't and hadn't been right, even though I've been blessed with an easy baby.

Good luck! If you don't bring it up don't hesitate like I did in calling afterwards. Stick with your gut feeling!

Eta when I did call I just said I don't think my baby blues have gone away. The receptionist was super friendly about it.

jefk

Thanks for the advice.  My husband offered to go to the appointment with me, I think because he knows I'll avoid talking about it.  I've been practicing what I'm going to say to my doctor - I'm hoping it goes well and I have the balls to speak up.

wku2011

jefk:

Thanks for the advice. nbsp;My husband offered to go to the appointment with me, I think because he knows I'll avoid talking about it. nbsp;I've been practicing what I'm going to say to my doctor I'm hoping it goes well and I have the balls to speak up.

Good luck! MH came with me also, and at the last second LO got fussy so we decided he'd just stay out there so he could head out to the car if he needed to.

I read that a lot of ladies were given a survey at their pp appt, so hopefully that'll be a good opening for you. And fingers crossed that your OB is a little more receptive this time!

homebird

Saying that "it makes me sound like a total loser" is a big slap in the face to all the women suffering from PPD or PPA. This is something that happens to your body - chemicals and connections in your brain - and it's not something you can control or get over on your own. So the women suffering from this aren't losers.

If what you're feeling is interfering with your life, I think you should mention it to your OB. Better to get it under control now than let it get worse. 

jefk

homebird:

Saying that "it makes me sound like a total loser" is a big slap in the face to all the women suffering from PPD or PPA. This is something that happens to your body - chemicals and connections in your brain - and it's not something you can control or get over on your own. So the women suffering from this aren't losers.

If what you're feeling is interfering with your life, I think you should mention it to your OB. Better to get it under control now than let it get worse. 

I guess "loser" was a poor choice of word - I wasn't insinuating anything about other women, just trying to explain that I feel like a horrible person because I can't cope with anything.  Sorry if I offended you.

bethko79

You're allowed to feel however you want and express it in any way you want. If it makes you feel like a loser, you obviously know that you are not one, but instead are feeling that way. You don't have to justify your feelings to anyone and normal people wouldn't be offended at all. Talk to your ob. And if they're dismissive, find a new one or go to your local counseling center or general practitioner. I'm almost 6 months out, never got help and wish i did. And to see all these moms out there doing well and seeming to have it all together sometimes makes me feel like a loser too. But we're not, we're just different. Mom love to ya. :

jefk

bethko79:

You're allowed to feel however you want and express it in any way you want. If it makes you feel like a loser, you obviously know that you are not one, but instead are feeling that way. You don't have to justify your feelings to anyone and normal people wouldn't be offended at all. Talk to your ob. And if they're dismissive, find a new one or go to your local counseling center or general practitioner. I'm almost 6 months out, never got help and wish i did. And to see all these moms out there doing well and seeming to have it all together sometimes makes me feel like a loser too. But we're not, we're just different. Mom love to ya. :

Thanks  

homebird

bethko79:

You're allowed to feel however you want and express it in any way you want. If it makes you feel like a loser, you obviously know that you are not one, but instead are feeling that way. You don't have to justify your feelings to anyone and normal people wouldn't be offended at all.

I think it's a shame that a woman (or anyone) suffering from depression or anxiety feels like a loser, that's all. As modern and progressive and accepting as our society tries to be, there's still this idea that mental disorders are something to be ashamed of. I just hate to see someone suffering from this buying into these misinformed ideas. But thanks for implying that I'm not a "normal" person.

OP, of course it's ok to feel like that, but don't let it keep you from getting help. And don't KEEP feeling that way about yourself, kwim?

Therapy and meds are the best way to deal with depression or anxiety. Meds help with the physical roots of the disorder and therapy helps you deal with the emotional side of things.