ILs Vent

mnj05

I'm sorry to dump this here but I've got to before I snap.

We are eating with my ILs right now who live two hours away. I can't stand them and hate to watch them with H. So far FIL has referred to MIL as "momma" when talking about my kid and its not the first time he's done it. He also keeps sticking his finger in H's mouth.

MIL is basically telling me I can't put my kid to sleep and walked out of the restaurant with him instead of giving him to me. She also won't keep her hands off.

The food isn't even out yet, I may kill someone. I can't bring anything up because its a very sensitive subject with DH and I don't want to cause a scene in public. I'm very nonconfrontational too so it's hard for me to speak up anyway.

Again sorry to dump this.

Dragonfly1226

Wait a second. Did I read that right? She actually walked away with your child to prevent you from putting him to bed at bedtime?!? Oh no she didn't! Seriously, I would have followed her, taken my child, and put him to bed. What a b!tch! How can your dh not see how wrong that is? I am sorry hon. Can you at least have a glass of wine? It sounds like you could use it.

mcgeeva

Terrible! Sounds a lot like my horrible ILs! I would say out your foot down. Your baby your rules. And why must others think its okay to out their dirty fingers in your kids mouth?! I know you Don't want to cause issues but I think after this visit I would have a talk with dh about being on the same page so he can be the one to step up and say something to them. Last time I saw my ILs we drove 4 hours and arrived at midnight and they wanted to hold my 15 month old and play with him. He'll no I said no way is anyone to talk or touch him. It's way passed his bedtime and I want to lay Him right down. They might not have liked it but I feel 100 time better that dh and I discussed before we got there how we would handle situations since they don't love me. Dh only child and his mother is off her rocker. Have yourself a glass of wine or two!!!! Hang in there!!!!

kmc84

Oh, they sound lovely. Hang tough! It'll be over soon!

TJ1979

Be strong!

mnj05

DH and I have hashed this out so many times. We get into numerous arguments over it. He doesn't see the big deal with the crap they do yet he sees me getting stressed and anxious in the middle of it. I got up to go get H when my MIL walked out but DH told me to sit and he went after them. I think he's afraid I would've gone off on her. My SIL DH's brothers wife has had to go off on her many times over her almost one year old so it's not like this hasn't been pointed out to MIL.

My FIL is one of those that likes to set people off just to watch. He thinks that kind of thing is funny so I can't show "weakness" or he will just amp it up.

I'm talking to DH again like always and I'm hoping one of these days he will get it.

mcgeeva

Seriously need to be on the same page. Ours were so bad with public outburst, drinking etc it caused such strain on our marriage everyone we saw them or even talked to them on the phone we had to break down an go to a counselor to figure out how to deal with them together. Since its his parents he didn't want to say anything bc he was use to crazy where I was not. I definitely think of it gets to that point I would o see someone bc I have seen that when you allow people to do whatever they will keep doing it and when it came to ds I wasn't going to allow crazy around him. You act appropriate or you don't see him

mnj05

mcgeeva:

Seriously need to be on the same page. Ours were so bad with public outburst, drinking etc it caused such strain on our marriage everyone we saw them or even talked to them on the phone we had to break down an go to a counselor to figure out how to deal with them together. Since its his parents he didn't want to say anything bc he was use to crazy where I was not. I definitely think of it gets to that point I would o see someone bc I have seen that when you allow people to do whatever they will keep doing it and when it came to ds I wasn't going to allow crazy around him. You act appropriate or you don't see him

That's so right! DH is used to crazy and I'm not at all. He's always said stuff like "that's just mom and how she is." She made me cry the night before my wedding and almost resent the fact that I had a boy, neither of those are ok. I may suggest seeing someone, maybe a third party can help direct the conversation to a productive place.

mcgeeva

If that is the situation I would. Only because men seem to listen to others when they say things like its the first time they heard it. My husband didn't agree with me at all! But once we started going he started seeing things differently. Realizing that his father was an enabler and so was he but it was time to make a change. She asked him..would you rather have a bad relationship with your parents or put your foot down and tell them what is and is not acceptable. He said I would rather have a bad relationship because I know if I put my foot down I will have no relationship. His mother is so crazy she didn't talk to her twin for 10 years for saying her house was dirty till she died. Then her other sister she didnt talk to for 15 years. The father only has one living brother who he doesn't speak to bc of the mom. So with that said our counselor basically said to dh...well you need to really think about it because your wife and son are you family that need to come first and if you chose to accept things the way they are you will be divorced and a single dad. Just something to think about. We like you guys have been fighting about them since the first day we met them. She told me she hated my flowers for my wedding and didn't speak to us for months before our wedding bc I didn't take her advice on flowers. So she made a seen on mothers day, at my shower etc. Been a long time coming but so glad to have a grip on it now. Good luck! I would definitely think about it!