toddler custody schedule?

btj357

I just scheduled my consultation with a lawyer, however I was wondering if anyone has had a custody schedule that began right before the child turned two. I'm not sure what to expect so I'm trying to start mentally preparing myself for it.

A little background information

She has lived with me her entire life

My family and I support her entirely, the father has not payed any support in over a year. 

He has had her only a few times without me being there. The last time he kept her without me was over a year ago. I offer to let him take her, he chooses to go with friends.

He has been verbally abusive to me in front of her. 

He also has very little patience with her, she's starting to not listen to everything you say so he gets frustrated and just rips her off the ground and takes her where he wants her to go, not very nicely. 

When I go to go to the grocery store and i say she can stay with him for an hour she breaks down and bawls because she does not like staying with him. (She doesn't cry and cling to me the way she does in that situation as apposed to her staying with another family member.)

 What can I do to start preparing for the court system? and has anyone had any similar cases and care to share what the schedule ended up being?

I'm just nervous about her staying away with him as she has not gone a night without me putting her to sleep in over a year. I spend every night with her. I just don't want too much stress on her. 

preggersin2011

I'm not sure why you are going through the court system now- (get things in writing, he is pushing it, you need money/time to yourself) but whatever it is I wouldn't stress too much about it. You can probably find your state laws for visitation online and see what the options are. You can also request a 3-6 month ramp up schedule if it goes to 50/50 custody. I think it depends upon who is fighting for what too. I wanted to get things finalized, push for a set scheduled, and LO's father got 'visiting time as agreed upon'.

blueyedsweety28

I would recommend trying something gradual .. but you need to figure out your schedule, his schedule, your daughter's schedule and plan accordingly .. at young ages it is better to have more visits for short times than it is to have a couple overnights once in a while .. that way she'll get used to him being a part of her life if she sees him often ..

as for the way he handles her .. I don't know what to say about that .. parenting classes? document the way he handles her if you feel it's inappropriate .. and try reminding him that she's only a toddler and she's still learning how to handle herself .. 

KMB611

Each state is different. I dated a guy who had a one year old when we first started dating. She lived in another state so his schedule was quite weird. He would pick her up Saturday nights after he got off work and keep her until Monday since he went into work late. Then he would have to pick her up again on Wednesday nights and return her home Friday mornings. I thought this was unfair being as though the child lived an hour away with her mother and they moved frequently. Since your daughter is still young, see if you can make an arrangement that he has her one or two Saturdays or Sundays each month until she is much older.