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Parenting
Eczema/Daycare issue
My DS has eczema due to an allergy to dust mites. It is something that cannot be avoided and all we can do is try to improve the conditions. DH and I have rebuilt the floors since we used to have carpets and it's a no-no for dust mite allergies, so now we have hardwood. Also we bought an expensive latex matress and constantly trying out new creams, salty and dirt from Dead Sea etc. We also following all the instuctions when it comes to DS's laundry and other things recommended by specialists. We also regularly tkae DS to the doctor to check out his eczema. In other words we do everything in our power to try to make DS's eczema better. We even took him to Jordan to Dead Sea to bathe in ti. It actually worked wonders but later the itching came back. I am ordering all kinds of dead sea salts now to use at home.
Once in a while it flares up and he scratches so bad he bleeds. I would love to be stay at home mom but unfortunatelly we cannot afford it, especially with all the money we need for meds, cream, and other things like new floors, matress, and other stuff. So quitting jobs is not an option for either myself or DH, especially because eczema will not go away regardless of who is watching DS.
DS is 3yo and attends daycare. His teachers have been very good, understanding and helpful. I gave them the cream and they moisturize DS's skin during the day untill I pick him up.
Except the director. She does not seem to be very understanding at all. The other day a teacher I don't know approached me and started telling me that if it was her child she would do anything to help her child (obvously she didn't think I was doing my job well), I got irritated and told her we are doing all we can but she kept saying he scratched himself till he bleed today. I explained that it happens once in a while with eczema and there isn't much I can do except follow the doctor's instructions which I do. She said I shoudl keep him home untill he stops scratching. Well, that would require me to quit my job and still would not help his eczema!
I got very offended and called the director of the daycare and told her about the conversation. She told me she knew and she heard every single word and that she was the one who asked the teacher to ask me what doctor does my son go to. I felt it was an intrusion to begin with, besides she never asked me who the doctor was she just kept saying she feels bad for my son and that I was not doing a good job. The director said I took it that way but no one critisized em as a mother. Well, surely a phrase "If it was my son I would do anything" implies that I didn't.
We were arguing and screaming, finally the directo requested I brign a doctor's note my child is not contageous. I already had that note so next day I brought that in along with more creams and remedies. The teacher who was there said "Why did you bring this note, we all know it's not contageous and it is eczema". I said the director requested it and the teacher looked puzzled.
So to add to the story, it's not the first time director does something that makes me feel like DS is being discriminated against. At the beginning of the year DS did not move up to the next group because he was not potty trained yet and would not ask to go to the bathroom. We just started potty training at about 2.5 and he had some trouble. The director told me I should put him im a school for special children and call early intervention (DS just didn't want to sit on the potty). I was very depressed and frustrated but finally we got DS to start using the potty. Later i spoke to his pediatrician who laughed and said she was gonna suggest we start potty training aound 3yo and that not wanting to sit on the potty is normal and very common.
Few days later I spoke to another mother in the same daycare who moved up to the next group way before DS and she complained that her DS is not potty trained at all. but why does he gets to move up and my DS does not??
Then we confronted the director and she said he is also running behind on some things, to name a few:
-does not hold his pencil correctly when drawing
-does not want to follow instructions
-does not like to perform when tested (they have to get a group of kids together then he performs)
I felt it was a bit much to ask from a 2.5yo. So I spoke to pedi again and pedi laughed and said most kids his age act that way. Other daycares were also puzzled by a demand of holding a pecil correcly.
DS knows alphabet in 2 languages and can count to 12 in 2-3 languages. Also he knows all the colors and animals, able to put on underwear, more or less potty trained and his teachers tell me he is doing well. Also his ocasional babysitter praises him for being able to name all things she asks and point out in the book what she asks for and other things, like following instructions etc.
Seems like it's time to look for another daycare. I have been interviewing daycares but so far the good ones do not have any spots available. But all daycares have no issue with his eczema and do not demand he'd be kept home if he scratches. Also no one requires correct pencil hold etc.
I actually spoke to his teachers asking how he performs academically and they all said "just like any other kid". That leads me to believe the director is the only one who thinks he needs special ed.
Over the past year I have observed the director repeatedly start an issue and if we find a way to fix it, she finds something else. My concern now is that she might call CPS just to make trouble for us. I know CPS is used to calls from overly eager people but if that happened it would still be unpleasant and demeaning to us.
I actually called a few organizations to be betetr armed for the next "attack" and getting together some documentation.
I wanted to see if I can get a word of advice here on what can I do. Also I wanted to see if anyone else had a similar issue and how did you deal with it.
P.S. DS's eczema has gotten better - he barely scratches for the past week and his skin is almost 100% clear!:) The Dead Sea dirt must have worked this time
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Eczema/Daycare issue
Thank you for such a detailed post!
I did try oral meds but DS refuses to take any and he is very smart and can tell by my facial expression alone if there is something in his juice, I swear:( I tried Zirtex but he fights for his dear life and spits it out. I tried crashing it and add to his water or juice but DS just refuses it. I got it in a couple of times but didn't seem to make a difference.
Lately I found comfort in Weleda calendula cream and Dead Sea products. Also we have a steroid oil that clear his skin pretty well but does not work all the time. i aslo try not to overuse it in order not to stop his body from makign its own steroids
No, the doctor did not recommend it but I used it anyway since taking DS to Dead Sea helped so much before. it is harmless and worst case scenario it would nto do anything
yeah, even DH staring to think so, and he barely ever pays attention to any BS
I need to find a new one first. A lot of daycares seem to be packed at this time
how did your child take the switching?
I was enraged by this! it's like they are questioning my choice of doctors or something. Ridiculous! Glad I am not alone thinking they need to mind their own business
I just found out that one daycare i liked does not ahve any spots:9 But there is another one where they have a spot open and I am going there tonight after work to interview them. There is also a Montessori school I have been looking at but there are some drawbacks. Keeping my fingers crossed. Thanks for your words of encouragement
Just another voice to reassure you on the switching daycare thing. DD switched daycares at 22 months (we just weren't happy with the program when she got to be a toddler at her old school which she had been in since 9 weeks old) and again at about 30 months (unfortunately we were moving and didn't have a choice). Both times it was hard for probably 3-4 weeks during drop off but after that it was fine and it was really only at drop off that she had problems. Within 15 minutes of us leaving she was playing and having a blast.
Believe me it's far better to find a place where both you and he feel comfortable going everyday than it is to avoid the change. Those few weeks are well worth not having to put up with the BS you mentioned. GL!
In my experience, directors, teachers and parents must keep healthy and open lines of communication - because it can make or break an experience at preschool. The director in this case, wasn't communicating with you properly.
There are some schools that have IMHO too high of an expectation for these little ones, they don't understand what is developmentally appropriate for that age group.
Some children excel with potty-training, speaking, and maturity quite young (mostly girls) from the ages 2.5yo. Sadly some schools don't understand the appropriate development of children in early childhood (girls and boys). In addition to this, they also expect that all of the children to do the same, and if not will push for evaulations for a child - giving the parents undue anxiety.
To me, it sounds like you need to find a different preschool - one that is better suited for your childs needs.
You are right about all children being different. But here there is more - I know for a fact there is another kid (at least one) with potty training issue. He is same age as DS but has been moving from group to group without an issue. I know because I spoke to his mom.
Btw, I LOVE your pregnancy signature:)))