How to get DD to stop harassing the cat

pandaglitter

I am soooo fed up with my five year old ignoring me when I say to leave the cat alone. More often than not, she'll bother the cat multiple times a day. She'll smother the cat and squish it trying to be "affectionate" I guess, but she's hurting the cat because the cat will growl and get mad and hide from her. She pushes the cat off of chairs and the couch because she wants to sit there. She's not allowed to pick up the cat anymore because she used to try to put the cat up on high counters and the cat scratches her.

I don't think it's an attention thing, because she gets WAY more attention than a cat that lays around and sleeps all day. She is almost trying to exert control over the cat by making the cat do what she wants...and she needs to stop before she hurts her. No matter what consequences I give her, she wants to mother the crap out of the cat. I just want her to be nice and let the cat do what she wants instead of constantly bothering her and squishing her and moving her.

pandaglitter

She's not allowed to touch the cat at all for a day or two, depending on when during the day she gets in trouble. Sometimes we take away TV privileges. Right now she's laying down in a nap because I can't deal with how many times she's not listened today and I need a break for 15 minutes.

Nothing works. It's the same thing over and over. "Leave the cat alone." A couple hours later. "Go to time out, you know better than to do that." And on and on. Some days it's not a big deal and I've let a lot more go, but I'm so fed up.

LaurelBee

Squirt her with a water bottle! Kidding. 

I agree that you need to up the consequences. Time outs, taking toys away, no stories at bed time, etc. 

pandaglitter

LaurelBee:

Squirt her with a water bottle! Kidding.nbsp;I agree that you need to up the consequences. Time outs, taking toys away, no stories at bed time, etc.nbsp;

We've done it all. I'm so just exhausted with this issue because nothing helps.

I've told her that she's not allowed to touch or interact with the cat at all for the next couple days and explained that if she doesn't care about the cat and only cares about what she wants to do, her excuse was "but I just wanted to pick her up," then she doesn't get to have a cat anymore and she's just mommy's and daddy's until she can show she is going to do what the cat wants and not only what she wants to do. Le sigh.

pandaglitter

LaurelBee:

Squirt her with a water bottle! Kidding.nbsp;I agree that you need to up the consequences. Time outs, taking toys away, no stories at bed time, etc.nbsp;

Squirting her would be interesting though. I may consider that.

wesleycrusher

pandaglitter:

She's not allowed to touch the cat at all for a day or two, depending on when during the day she gets in trouble. Sometimes we take away TV privileges. Right now she's laying down in a nap because I can't deal with how many times she's not listened today and I need a break for 15 minutes.

Nothing works. It's the same thing over and over. "Leave the cat alone." A couple hours later. "Go to time out, you know better than to do that." And on and on. Some days it's not a big deal and I've let a lot more go, but I'm so fed up.

Are you being consistent? You say some days you let things go, make sure you give a consequence each time she touches the cat. If the rule is not to touch the cat at all, even when DD is being gentle with the cat she needs to face the consequence every time.

klondikebar

bearsbearsbears:

I have no advice--I'm just surprised that your cat lets your kid close enough for her to harass him.

Tell your cat to start working on the aloof thing.

My cat was awesome. DD would dress him like a baby and put him in the stroller. He was more dog than cat.

pandaglitter

uconnhuskie007:

pandaglitter:

LaurelBee:

Squirt her with a water bottle! Kidding.nbsp;I agree that you need to up the consequences. Time outs, taking toys away, no stories at bed time, etc.nbsp;

We've done it all. I'm so just exhausted with this issue because nothing helps.

I've told her that she's not allowed to touch or interact with the cat at all for the next couple days and explained that if she doesn't care about the cat and only cares about what she wants to do, her excuse was "but I just wanted to pick her up," then she doesn't get to have a cat anymore and she's just mommy's and daddy's until she can show she is going to do what the cat wants and not only what she wants to do. Le sigh.

. I'm so sorry....I know where you are, I have a spirited five year old. Please take no offense but you said some days you let more go. Thats sending a mixed message. As pp said you have to be consistent for her to know you mean business, and make sure the punishment fits the crime. IMO bugging the cat all the time deserves serious consequences. If this were me I'd take away her fav toy for a day, then 2 then a week. Also, no tv, early bed, no sweets all could work... Finally, she's calling your bluff. She knows you don't mean it when you say you're taking the cat away.

I let it go when she does things like hug the cat too tightly sometimes. If its more than once, I'll usually put her in timeout. Any pushing cat off of chairs or picking cat up is immediate consequences that usually means no touching the cat at all. So that's changed, but she still does these things occasionally, which is to be expected as she tests boundaries. It's more of the constant following cat around, waking her up and squishing her, wanting to constantly bother the cat thing that is frustrating. The cat is super chill, thankfully. Anytime she's scratched our daughter I know its because she did something to deserve the cat protecting herself.

pandaglitter

KlondikeBar:

bearsbearsbears:

I have no advice--I'm just surprised that your cat lets your kid close enough for her to harass him.

Tell your cat to start working on the aloof thing.

My cat was awesome. DD would dress him like a baby and put him in the stroller. He was more dog than cat.

This is basically our cat, but all she does is sleep hahahaha. And put up with a five year old.

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RondackHiker

I don't like hugging animals because it doesn't let them escape, which is really important for rough kids. And with adults tight hugs can e fun, so why not with kitty?

I'd make the rule no touching kitty at all without permission. When you give permission have her sit and nicely pet the cat. She can also ask permission to feed or play with kitty. That way you can see if kitty is awake and wants love. At the very least, make touching when kitty is sleeping or eating forbidden.

That makes things much simpler. Touching without asking is bad, even if she's gentle. If she asks, you can supervise and remind her and end it if she's rough.

Make consequences firm, harsh, and consistent. Harassing animals is one of my hot buttons. DS knows he gets in BIG trouble for it.

klondikebar

RondackHiker:

I'd make the rule no touching kitty at all without permission. When you give permission have her sit and nicely pet the cat. She can also ask permission to feed or play with kitty.

I think this is good advice. DD played with the cat, but he never seemed to mind and she was always gentle. I think keeping the cat off limits until she learns what type of play is appropriate is a good idea.

wino2006

We really had to teach DD2 how to be "gentle" with our cat. Our cat is so sweet and tolerable, but DD2 can be rough. She would get timeouts for being rough. Now she knows how to handle our cat and just verbally reminding her does the trick. Fortunately we got our cat as a kitten when DD2 was not even 2 yet so she is used to being manhandled.

pandaglitter

Because she's so independent, it's hard to constantly watch her with the cat, so outlawing any touching without permission is exhausting. I'm doing it for a couple days and then reiterating the conversation about trust that we've been having. I also told her if she's mean again, I'm taking away her princess dress. She'll get one warning for accidentally being too rough, but she's 5. She knows better. She forgets, gets reminded, but for things like picking the cat up, which she's not allowed to do, she will just get her princess dress taken away. It's her favorite thing right now.

It drives me crazy because she KNOWS how to be gentle. She chooses to do what she wants and she's told me that's why. Because she wanted to pick her up because she was just too cute. She just can't restrain herself because she wants to cuddle, but she squishes the poor thing and she knows its not okay because it hurts the cat. I almost wish the cat would be more violent toward her so she would learn from natural consequences that if you bother the cat, the cat will defend itself, but she'll only fight back if she's really scared.