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KittyKatMom
member
Well, I guess it's time I intro'd here
KittyKatMom
member
Hi everyone. I've been lurking on this board for several weeks, hoping I wouldn't belong, but here I am. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have a 3-year old son and are expecting a daughter in September. When I was about 18 weeks pregnant, my husband told me that he's not happy with me anymore, that he felt pressured into having children, and that he's not sure he wants to stay married. Since then, we've had several conversations (and several arguments) about the situation, but at this point, he says he's done. He wants to move forward with a divorce.
There has been unresolved tension in our marriage for several years, but nothing that I thought we couldn't overcome once we both decided that it was time to focus on fixing things. We had happy times interspersed in there; it's not like we were living in total misery. Our lives were pretty hectic last year. We sold our house, moved into a rental, and just finished building a beautiful house in December where I thought we were going to stay for many years and raise our family. My husband worked himself to death to make this house happen (it was always his dream to build), with the promise that when it was done and we were finally settled, we could finally relax and spend more time as a family.
Now it's looking like we might be selling our dream home. I'm definitely going to have to move out because I can't afford to buy him out, nor can I afford the living expenses (I work part-time). I promised my son we would never have to move again and I am sick to my stomach at the thought of telling him that not only are we moving again, but our family is breaking up as well. My husband has had zero involvement in my pregnancy, with the exception of coming to one ultrasound that I basically begged him to attend. He has said that he is going to remain involved in both of the kids' lives, but he has no connection to our daughter at this point and has said he doesn't want to be at the hospital when she's born.
I am feeling so many things, but mostly rage toward him for doing this to our family. He is completely unwilling to try and work on things, saying that we should have worked on the marriage a long time ago, but didn't and now it's too late. I am so upset that my entire pregnancy has pretty much been a state of constant anxiety. I had two miscarriages last year, so in the beginning, I was worried about losing the baby, and then once I finally started to feel her move and could relax a little, all this other BS started.
I don't know what the future holds - we are still discussing when we are going to file, whether we're going to use a mediator, etc. I really can't handle moving while pregnant or with a newborn, but it's hard to continue living under the same roof as my husband in this situation. We are being civil to one another for the sake of our son, but it's a struggle some days. Luckily, I have a very close, supportive family, but no one I can really go and live with comfortably while this is being sorted out. I want to keep my son's life as intact as possible as well for as long as I can.
There is more to my story, but that's the gist of it. If anyone who has been in a similar situation has any advice to offer, I would welcome it gladly. Thanks for listening.
There has been unresolved tension in our marriage for several years, but nothing that I thought we couldn't overcome once we both decided that it was time to focus on fixing things. We had happy times interspersed in there; it's not like we were living in total misery. Our lives were pretty hectic last year. We sold our house, moved into a rental, and just finished building a beautiful house in December where I thought we were going to stay for many years and raise our family. My husband worked himself to death to make this house happen (it was always his dream to build), with the promise that when it was done and we were finally settled, we could finally relax and spend more time as a family.
Now it's looking like we might be selling our dream home. I'm definitely going to have to move out because I can't afford to buy him out, nor can I afford the living expenses (I work part-time). I promised my son we would never have to move again and I am sick to my stomach at the thought of telling him that not only are we moving again, but our family is breaking up as well. My husband has had zero involvement in my pregnancy, with the exception of coming to one ultrasound that I basically begged him to attend. He has said that he is going to remain involved in both of the kids' lives, but he has no connection to our daughter at this point and has said he doesn't want to be at the hospital when she's born.
I am feeling so many things, but mostly rage toward him for doing this to our family. He is completely unwilling to try and work on things, saying that we should have worked on the marriage a long time ago, but didn't and now it's too late. I am so upset that my entire pregnancy has pretty much been a state of constant anxiety. I had two miscarriages last year, so in the beginning, I was worried about losing the baby, and then once I finally started to feel her move and could relax a little, all this other BS started.
I don't know what the future holds - we are still discussing when we are going to file, whether we're going to use a mediator, etc. I really can't handle moving while pregnant or with a newborn, but it's hard to continue living under the same roof as my husband in this situation. We are being civil to one another for the sake of our son, but it's a struggle some days. Luckily, I have a very close, supportive family, but no one I can really go and live with comfortably while this is being sorted out. I want to keep my son's life as intact as possible as well for as long as I can.
There is more to my story, but that's the gist of it. If anyone who has been in a similar situation has any advice to offer, I would welcome it gladly. Thanks for listening.
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." - Jack Layton
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Well, I guess it's time I intro'd here
Also would he consider counseling before making a final decision? It's always worth an extra attempt to save a marriage when kids are involved.
I hope things work out for you. And if they don't? Seriously don't stay in the house. Get yourself settled somewhere so you don't have to worry about it after the baby. I lived with my XH for almost a year after we were separated and it was a giant source of stress for me.